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AIBU?

to be worried sick about blanket over baby

79 replies

mikado1 · 07/08/2015 14:04

I am probably getting myself into a state but in utter desperation last night I took my one week old into bed to feed last night and fell asleep -may have been for a minute or ten-I woke up and part of duvet was over baby-I could still see his head but it was still over him but kind of in the air. I immediately removed it, lifted him and he was breathing steadily-I almost put my ear in his mouth.

Is there any way this could have harmed him? I mentioned it to HV this morning and she just said be prepared if Co sleeping which I know of course I should have been. I know IABU for allowing this to happen and I feel sick but could I have harmed him in anyway?

OP posts:

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weeblueberry · 08/08/2015 06:01

I don't think so? They stopped selling it while they investigated but I'm pretty sure it was determined it wasn't used as specified (they laid the baby on his stomach) and so it wasn't due to the cot itself.

weeblueberry · 08/08/2015 06:05

www.madeformums.com/news-and-gossip/bednest-nct-stops-selling-bedside-crib-following-death-of-7-week-old-baby/37770.html

Mrscog · 08/08/2015 06:14

Plenty of other bedside cribs on the market which haven't been recalled as they don't have the dangerous feature the bednest had.

GobblersKnob · 08/08/2015 06:53

Dd slept in our bed in a grobag, under her own blanket and our duvet pretty much from birth otherwise she was too cold, and I put her down to sleep on her side as she wouldn't settle any other way.

After ds was born I spent a week in a stand alone midwife unit where we were positively forced to co-sleep, I had brought my own duvet in with me and the midwives just used to tuck ds under it at night.

I know lots of the guidelines have have changed now, and obviously it is best to follow them as nothing is more important than a babies safely. However it is worth remembering that not following them presents a tiny risk (albeit one not worth taking) rather than a guarantee of something going wrong.

furryleopard · 08/08/2015 06:56

I was very similar to you OP. Extremely nervous and anxious about some key things and SIDS was one so I desperately tried to get DD to go into a moses basket or a cot. I tried everything while getting slowly more exhausted and therefore more anxious. It was a vicious circle. At my 8 weeks check I was bordering on PND and was at exhaustion breaking point.

To resolve this we brought DD into our bed, DH was relegated to the bottom of the bed away from us (small house). He had the duvet and I put my feet in! I wrapped my dressing gown around my legs and wore an open shirt nighty. The pillow was on an angle behind my head. There was nothing else on the bed. I don't smoke and I didn't drink. DD was in a sleeping bag. I slept in my left side and formed a cocoon shape around DD. Obviously I breastfed. We slept! Both of us! Night 1 she went 10pm-4am!

DD daughter is now 10 months and we set it up so the cot is next to us with the side down. DH is back in the bed with the duvet but I still use the dressing gown and DD is in the cot laying next to me.

My anxiety lifted greatly around 4 months with a bit of sleep and less intense feeding however I do wish I'd been more honest with DH about my worries. He was very worried about me and managed to get me to confess I wasn't feeling right but the next day when he pushed me to ring the GP I refused saying I had been 'just tired'. I think at the point he was going to ring anyway a fog lifted for me. But OP if you are finding worries about your DC are stopping you enjoying it you should see your GP/HV for advice.

fourtothedozen · 08/08/2015 07:09

Are you breastfeeding? If so then co sleeping can be at least as safe ( if not safer) than cot sleeping- as long as you take safety precautions.

If you are formula feeding then please don't co-sleep. It's dangerous.

Alisvolatpropiis · 08/08/2015 08:03

four

Why is it dangerous if you're formula feeding but not if you're breastfeeding?

I have never heard that before.

catsrus · 08/08/2015 08:05

I co slept with all three of mine, now all healthy adults. It's nothing new. Parent have been doing it for thousands of years.

Neither DH or I drank or smoked, (we had a king sized bed so room for DH as well!) the baby was on top of our bed coverings with just a single cellular blanket covering baby and my top half. Perfectly warm, perfectly safe, lots of sleep. Please don't worry OP.

tobysmum77 · 08/08/2015 08:42

Also I have no idea about the ff/ bf thing. But can we avoid the word 'dangerous'? The risk of SIDs whatever you do is small, so even if something is higher risk to describe it as dangerous is OTT.

Dangerous is having the cord of a kettle overhanging or bare wires within reach.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 08/08/2015 08:50

The risk of SIDS is higher when ff. Thats not to say co sleeping when bf is SAFE or co sleeping when ff is UNSAFE. Thats a ridiculous claim to make and totally untrue.
Also the person who said feed the baby on the duvet and if it falls asleep will be fine is totally wrong- lying on a duvet, pillow etc still increases the risk of overheating and also baby can occlude their airway from lying on a soft rather than firm surface.

noodle8000 · 08/08/2015 08:57

I have a 16 month old and I dress both of us as warmly as needed for the weather without using blankets. In the winter I may need to wear several pairs of thick socks, plus several layers of sweatpants. She stays warm easier due to baby fat. I also only have one small pillow on the bed and if I ever leave her alone I move it off the bed. Our mattress is on the floor so she won't get hurt if she rolls off (does happen occasionally although I usually sleep in a position to prevent this). Definitely keep pillows and blankets off the bed especially when you're not there. Our one scary incident was when she was just a few months old and I left her sleeping alone for just a few minutes to talk to husband. When I came back she had somehow managed to stretch very far and pull the whole pillow directly over her face and kept sleeping quietly!!!!!!!!!!! The pillow didn't even seem to be in arms reach so that was quite a shock.

Only1scoop · 08/08/2015 09:00

Totally terrified me the thought of baby's being even near duvets and pillows and blankets.

Found keeping them out of that possible scenario safer all round.

Only1scoop · 08/08/2015 09:01

Four I don't understand that post either.

CitrineRaindropPhoenix · 08/08/2015 09:21

I think there is some evidence that if you're breastfeeding the mother sleeps more lightly (and if it's like my ds thd baby wakes every hour anyway) so you don't sleep as deeply.

I believe parents sleep more deeply when ff which means they may not be quite as aware of where the baby is in the bed for co sleeping advice.

littlejohnnydory · 08/08/2015 10:16

I tuck the duvet between my legs so it's nowhere near baby. I never have the duvet above my hip level, just wear a fleecy top in the winter. My four children have all been big enough for a grobag at birth, with the poppers under the arms, I think the minimum weight is 7lb. At this time of year I don't put them in a grobag or give them a cover, they are plenty warm enough from my body heat.

YeOldeTrout · 08/08/2015 10:21

I had 2 babies who slept best with a blanket over their heads. Certainly from about 2 weeks. Just a really light thin Muslin thickness item over their face.

The number of people who were very alarmed about it if we were out & about with pushchair. I smiled and pretended to respond & the babies were fine.

ohtheholidays · 08/08/2015 12:26

I co slept with all 5 of our DC,none of them ever came to any harm.

What I used to do was,I would be under the duvet and I would lay the baby on top of the duvet at the side of me,pillow away from them and I would cover the baby up with one of they're own blankets or sheet,depending on how warm/cold it was.

Mermaidhair · 09/08/2015 10:18

yeoldtrout I am really concerned you writing that on such a popular forum. I understand you are talking about a lighter fabric, but this can be misinterpreted by an inexperienced parent and have fatal consequences. It goes against sids regulations in my country. Please never ever do this.

fourtothedozen · 09/08/2015 12:17

onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ajpa.20736/pdf

WilburIsSomePig · 09/08/2015 12:32

I co slept with both of mine. They used to be in a sleeping back and I went to bed like I was preparing for a blizzard in my flannellette PJs, socks, jumper and dressing gown. I also got a bedside cot which IMO is the best invention known to man. Your wee baby will be fine.

fourtothedozen · 09/08/2015 12:36

There are good reasons why the NHS do no recommend co- sleeping.
It can be dangerous.

fourtothedozen · 09/08/2015 12:37

Formula feeding sleeping women do not respond so well to a baby's safety

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ReginaFelangi · 09/08/2015 12:38

Done properly it's safer than not. Did you even read the link you posted?

ReginaFelangi · 09/08/2015 12:39

sarahockwell-smith.com/tag/co-sleeping/

ReginaFelangi · 09/08/2015 12:40

The NHS advice is based on flawed research too.

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