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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be worried sick about blanket over baby

79 replies

mikado1 · 07/08/2015 14:04

I am probably getting myself into a state but in utter desperation last night I took my one week old into bed to feed last night and fell asleep -may have been for a minute or ten-I woke up and part of duvet was over baby-I could still see his head but it was still over him but kind of in the air. I immediately removed it, lifted him and he was breathing steadily-I almost put my ear in his mouth.

Is there any way this could have harmed him? I mentioned it to HV this morning and she just said be prepared if Co sleeping which I know of course I should have been. I know IABU for allowing this to happen and I feel sick but could I have harmed him in anyway?

OP posts:
editthis · 07/08/2015 15:37

AND a name change fail. Back to bed for me.

zippyswife · 07/08/2015 16:09

I was a specialist police officer in child protection- unless guidance has changed in the last 5 years in order to minimise risk of sids co-sleeping was a no (sadly I have first hand experience of dealing with this- this will never leave me). I left the job as it made so paranoid with my babies!! I'm expecting dc3 now and can't imagine I will be able to be any more chilled out!

Don't beat yourself up about falling asleep with your baby- we've all been there. But my advice would be try not to do it again- it is safer to feed on edge of bed/on a chair (so you don't get that comfortable) and then put baby back in Moses basket to sleep. I'm not telling you what to do but this would be my advice. It's all to do with overheating. Flowers

RoganJosh · 07/08/2015 16:15

Mine were all big enough for gro bags form birth, but if they hadn't been I would have layered them up withouth covers, so put on a vest, followed by a baby gro and then a pair of leggings and a tshirt if I felt they were still cold. That way there's no blanket worry at all.
You can do the same with yourself with a dressing gown and socks if the duvet isn't staying round your waist.

Absofrigginlootly · 07/08/2015 16:16

Re the reply above.... Recent research from UNICEF etc show that AS LONG as the guidelines are followed, co sleeping is no more dangerous in terms of SIDS than cot sleeping....and in fact may actually be protective against SIDS. Cosleeping does increase the risk of suffocation (not the same as SIDS!) but only if the guidelines aren't followed.

www.llli.org/sweetsleepbook/thesafesleepseven

WLondonMum · 07/08/2015 16:20

Hi there, I think nearly everyone has done this! My 2nd would only sleep next to me for the first couple of weeks and I was absolutely terrified (and we tried everything). However I felt it was even more unsafe to sit in a chair with her when I kept falling asleep. The only solution was to tuck the duvet firmly under the bottom of the bed so it only came up to my waist and wear a cardigan in bed with absolutely nothing near the baby and a guard to the other side (and DH in the spare bedroom!). I never felt comfortable doing it and tried everyday to get her into her co-sleeper. Eventually it worked. Perhaps look into co-sleepers?

WLondonMum · 07/08/2015 16:21

I agree with the layering or getting newborn sleeping bags too. I wouldn't be using blankets etc.

Absofrigginlootly · 07/08/2015 16:27

No one actually knows what causes SIDS....risk factors include smoking, over heating, family history of sudden death (possible cardiac cause eg cardiomyopathy), baby being asleep in a different room under the age of 6 months......protective factors include breastfeeding, keeping baby/room the right temperature etc and research is immersing that cosleeping is actually a protective factor too.

From a biological, evolutionary perspective newborn physiology means that they are unable to fully regulate their own heart rates, temperature and breathing rates...being close to mum means she does this for them.

Flowers it's so hard not to feel anxious about everything when they are tiny

Absofrigginlootly · 07/08/2015 16:30

Accidentally Falling asleep in a chair or sofa with baby is WAY more risky then setting up a planned, safe cosleeping environment. So if you think there is the tiniest chance you will fall asleep whilst feeding in a chair, don't do it

LionessAtHeart · 07/08/2015 21:34

I think this happens to most of us. Try not to get to stressed.

Re: only you doing the night - is DH on pat leave? If so although obviously you have to feed with bf, DH could take over for resettling. I couldn't fully sleep until baby was settled but DH did this for me and I was able to dose a bit. It seriously helped with my tiredness, in those early days.

LionessAtHeart · 07/08/2015 21:37

*doze

Sorry my grammar and spelling was awful.

Original poster
mikado1 · 07/08/2015 21:46

Thanks lioness, dh is off but is looking after our 3yo, meals, shopping, laundry etc so I wouldn't ask him to do much more plus,and this is the main thing, this little one seems only able to settle with a feed!! He's fast asleep on my chest now and I am going to wait for deep sleep and transfer-wish me luck. I won't be taking him into bed and still feel awful but I hope I did him no harm..Sad

OP posts:
ReginaFelangi · 07/08/2015 21:52

No not yet. Tbh I do think I am too much of a fretter to cosleep but I must have tried to put him down te times between 10.30 and 1.30 last night and he was having none of it.

He should still be inside you. Research "fourth trimester". He won't want to lie flat or be away from you. Don't make him.

Original poster
mikado1 · 07/08/2015 22:04

I know reginafalange and he is feeding or sleeping on me all day but after that fright last night I don't want to take any risk. . He is still snuggled up here on me now.

OP posts:
ct148 · 07/08/2015 22:04

How about a sleepyhead on the bed next to you? And/or a co sleeper cot. I have a chicco next 2 me, (or close 2 me, can't quite remember) & wish I'd had these with my first. Love the co sleeper and its a decent size, my little girl is nearly 9 months & still in it. Both mine hated the dreaded Moses basket. Babies need the closeness I think. X

Original poster
mikado1 · 07/08/2015 22:18

I am going to look into those. Successful transfer done! Hopefully a few hours sleep now. although now I am worrying that he will be too hot in a cellular blanket folded once!

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 07/08/2015 22:18

You won't have harmed the baby this time because the risk is suffocation (clearly they did not suffocate) or overheating, causing SIDS (clearly they did not die and have now regained a standard temperature even if they were a bit too warm in bed).

Have you considered one of the bedside nests to prevent it happening again?

ReginaFelangi · 07/08/2015 22:22

Could you put a carry cot or Moses basket next to you in bed?

Bearfrills · 08/08/2015 00:49

I fed DC3 (the only one of mine who actually wanted feeding in the night) while sitting up in bed with my back against the headboard then once asleep I'd transfer him into his moses basket next to the bed. If I was particularly tired and thought I'd fall asleep I would nudge DH and make him talk to me for a bit Smile

DC3 is a little bit older now (18mo) but a few weeks ago he was fussy so DH brought him into the bed to settle him. I said to DH not to fall asleep and to put him back in his cot once he was settled. Well we both fell asleep and, a couple of hours later, we're woken up by DC1 shouting "the baby!". We jumped awake to find he'd climbed over DH in order to sleep in between us both, he'd also wriggled right down the bed and was completely under the duvet (near my knees!) with his sleeping bag still on. Thankfully he was fine but it gave us both a fright and reminded me of why I've never liked co-sleeping when they're babies.

A muslin that smells of you can help with the chest to bed transfer. I used to keep one under my pillow and when moving him from my chest into the moses basket I would use the muslin like a blanket and tuck it round him, it helped him to settle.

ReginaFelangi · 08/08/2015 01:25

My daughter always slept between us (super king bed so she had plenty of space) and I found her at about 6 months underneath the duvet, upside down and level with my knee. She went into a sleeping bag from that point and I used to hold onto the bottom of it to stop her wriggling off.

Absofrigginlootly · 08/08/2015 02:21

I'm NOT being judgey but just pointing out that the 2 examples above are where the guidelines have not been followed..... (DH in the bed too, use of duvets etc). In a safe co sleeping environment the risks Of suffocation/overhearing are vastly reduced..

LucyBabs · 08/08/2015 02:30

I saw that Chicco sleeper, wish I'd used that when ds ( nightmare sleeper) was a baby. Easy transfer and easy to feed new baby to sleep. Best of luck mikado Flowers

Absofrigginlootly · 08/08/2015 02:30

Meant to say I'm not being judgy or criticising the above posters....but just trying to say that the OP s clearly very anxious. Hearing horror stories of co sleeping us going to make her more frightened if cosleeping and if she has a baby that won't sleep any other way (like mine!!!) then she might not have much choice in the matter.

I'm just trying to reassure her...but now I think it reads like I'm criticising Confused argh long day!

ReginaFelangi · 08/08/2015 02:47

We had always planned to cosleep so did do it safely. 4 other couples from our NCT group did the same and none of our children have come to any harm. Honestly, humans wouldn't exist now if we weren't able to follow parental instincts. Hmm

ReginaFelangi · 08/08/2015 02:48

Hasn't there been a safety recall on that side crib?

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