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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I have made a mistake?

65 replies

pinktrufflechoc · 07/08/2015 08:58

I applied for and got a job starting in January when I was pregnant.

I had a very difficult pregnancy. I'm not sure I ever stopped being sick and I was in a very black mood throughout - it honestly felt so bleak, everything did. I almost felt like I wanted to die. I was desperately looking for positive ways I could change my life as I just felt trapped and applying for the job was part of that.

Anyway the baby is out and mentally I feel better although I still feel a bit bruised and battered and tire easily and so on but I don't feel suicidal or depressed any more. But the job is hanging over me a bit.

It's full time, and I won't profit at all from it as everything will be eaten up in childcare fees. I know I'm not always going to feel so tired but I still will if you see what I mean.

I think I have made a mistake and am not sure whether to start and potentially hand my notice in after a term (school based position) or speak to them and see about not starting at all if you like. The latter seems easier on everyone but the former seems like I have at least tried?

What do you think? Am asking here as I'm genuinely unsure of what the most sensible thing to do is.

OP posts:
Bluecheese22 · 07/08/2015 09:02

Have you saw a doctor about how you're feeling? There's no shame in saying you need help. Once you get your head straight why not give it a term and see how you feel after? Is working a necessity?

happystory · 07/08/2015 09:03

Congratulations on your new baby. You seem to be going round in circles with this one. Do you have a partner and if so, have you discussed this? Two heads are invariably better than one.

Original poster
pinktrufflechoc · 07/08/2015 09:04

No, I feel ok now, just tired and a bit nauseous still.

Don't want to discuss with DH because he told me not to go for the job in the first place so I'll just get "I-told-you-so!'

OP posts:
yetanotherchangename · 07/08/2015 09:07

Can I ask how old your baby is? And a bit about the position...

If it's school based do you get holidays off? And is it school hours?

Original poster
pinktrufflechoc · 07/08/2015 09:07

Now? She is nearly 3 weeks. Yes get holidays off, school hours etc.

OP posts:
happystory · 07/08/2015 09:09

Your Dh doesn't sound terribly supportive

Lightbulbon · 07/08/2015 09:12

Just start it and see how you go.

It's sounds like you've been depressed so not in the best state of mind to be making big decisions.

Your baby is only 3 weeks, January is a lifetime away.

Your DP sounds like an arse!

Original poster
pinktrufflechoc · 07/08/2015 09:12

No, he's lovely, just knows me all too well I guess Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
pinktrufflechoc · 07/08/2015 09:13

I know but it's kind of hanging over me. I'll have two babies in full time childcare at one of the most depressing times of the year, won't be making any money at all, will be stressed and tired and frazzled and I'm just annoyed with myself for being stupid. Sad

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 07/08/2015 09:15

Only you can make that decision. It's a personal choice, isn't it.
However about not making a profit due to most of your money being eaten up by childcare.
You are aware aren't you that tax credits pay 70% of your childcare, as this was the main barrier in parents being able to work.
You will also be entitled to WTC, which shouldn't have to exist. Your wages alone should be enough to live on, but that story is for another thread.
If you rent you may be entitled to help with your rent.
You will still be entitled to child benefit and child tax credit.
Please arrange an appointment with the CAB. And weigh up your options before you make a decision.

happystory · 07/08/2015 09:15

I would give it a try. It's natural at this early stage that you will be stressing about how it all would work but if your Dh is supportive and helpful, it could be just the thing you need - for yourself.

MummaGiles · 07/08/2015 09:16

Your baby is only 3 weeks old. You will not feel 'normal' again for another month or two yet at least. Just enjoy your baby for now and forget about work. You may not believe me but you will feel so differently about life in a couple of months. And please speak to your health visitor or gp if you are feeling down, they are great at dealing with anxiety, PND etc.

Birdsgottafly · 07/08/2015 09:19

I've been in your position and I went back to work.

I still regret it, getting up and going took all my spare energy, it set me back and it didn't make a difference long term career wise.

Employers understand taking breaks, for caring responsibilities.

If it was part time, it might be worth giving it a go, but full time, could be disastrous.

When do you have to make a decision by?

Original poster
pinktrufflechoc · 07/08/2015 09:55

We aren't entitled to any tax credits lighthouse or any benefits for that matter - not everyone is.

My HV isn't very good but thanks.

Birds in a sense I've already made the decision by accepting the job but if I pull out its best I tell them ASAP.

OP posts:
nonameatall01 · 07/08/2015 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Babyroobs · 07/08/2015 09:59

Tax credits only pay 70% of childcare cost to those on the very lowest incomes, most people are only entitled to a lot less than that if anything!

Bubblesinthesummer · 07/08/2015 10:00

You will also be entitled to WTC, which shouldn't have to exist. Your wages alone should be enough to live on, but that story is for another thread

Not everyone us entitled to WTC

hellsbellsmelons · 07/08/2015 10:01

It's 3 weeks post birth.
Don't make any decisions right now.
Give it until end of October.
You may be desperate to get some adult time and space by then.
I know I was.

I'm not liking the sound of your DH.
Does he do lots to help you around the house and with the DC at the moment?
Do you share finances correctly or does he control the purse strings?

Babyroobs · 07/08/2015 10:02

I think it would be very hard working full time with 2 children in Nursery, and to not be any better off financially makes it even harder even if you do try to look at it long term. Is it the type of career you can put on hold for a couple of years until your children are older?

Shapebandit · 07/08/2015 10:08

I think 3 weeks postpartum is an even wobblier time to be making big decisions than when you are pregnant and feeling terrible.
Your job doesn't start till January. You don't need to decide now. Deciding now may stop it hanging over your head but it may also lead to regret further down the line.
If you wait now and don't do anything then in October you have 2 choices, quit before starting work or keep the job. If you tell them you are not taking it now then you won't have the choice to take it back if you change your mind again later.

OTheHugeManatee · 07/08/2015 10:09

If the job is part of a career you love and want to see develop, treat these years as an investment. You might not be coming out ahead after childcare, but when your children are older you'll be in a job and have moved ahead in your career rather than taking several years out and - as many people do - struggling to get back into work.

OTOH if you miss your babies and dislike your career, consider other options.

PPs' questions about your DH's support and shared finances are also relevant. Sorry you're having such a rough time. Good luck Flowers

TheHouseOnBellSt · 07/08/2015 10:11

You don't have to do it....I agree 3 weeks after a baby is still a very hard time. Tell yourself that you will decide properly in another month. You don't have to do it....I hope you feel better soon. I didn't work for over a year after I had DD1....I just couldn't.

Original poster
pinktrufflechoc · 07/08/2015 10:18

I'm not sure re the sickness but I've always been the sort to feel sick in cars, when pregnant - some people are prone to a dodgy stomach, I seem to feel nauseous and vomit easily. I often feel sick when tired.

DH works away so I do the lions share of the housework but he does help a lot with the garden (it's quite big) and we share finances, he just knows what I am like I think and knew I would be moaning about going back to work as soon as I got a job Blush (it's just teaching by the way nothing exotic!)

OP posts:
yetanotherchangename · 07/08/2015 10:28

Oh gosh, please don't think about it now. This is all so new for you so put it out of your mind and focus on getting yourself well and getting to know your baby.

When the time comes, you may feel that you want to work again. Or you may feel that it's worth doing so that you have a job which fits round your DC when they are older and so you are not out of the job market. Or you may feel that you want to be at home with your child. Each of these decisions is fine, but none of them need to be made for at least 3 months IMHO.

Agree with other posters that your DH doesn't sound like he is very supportive about you going back to work. But again, I don't think this is someone that you need to tackle right now.

Enjoy your new baby.

Original poster
pinktrufflechoc · 07/08/2015 10:34

I appreciate what people are saying but I have to think about it now.

If I decide to tell the school I'm not going after all, I need to tell them as soon as the schools go back - that's only fair - they will need to re advertise and might need to jig the timetables about a bit.

If I decide to go for it I need to start looking for childcare for the girls.

I can't just blithely decide sometime in November.

OP posts: