To think I have made a mistake?

[pinktrufflechoc]

I applied for and got a job starting in January when I was pregnant.

I had a very difficult pregnancy. I'm not sure I ever stopped being sick and I was in a very black mood throughout - it honestly felt so bleak, everything did. I almost felt like I wanted to die. I was desperately looking for positive ways I could change my life as I just felt trapped and applying for the job was part of that.

Anyway the baby is out and mentally I feel better although I still feel a bit bruised and battered and tire easily and so on but I don't feel suicidal or depressed any more. But the job is hanging over me a bit.

It's full time, and I won't profit at all from it as everything will be eaten up in childcare fees. I know I'm not always going to feel so tired but I still will if you see what I mean.

I think I have made a mistake and am not sure whether to start and potentially hand my notice in after a term (school based position) or speak to them and see about not starting at all if you like. The latter seems easier on everyone but the former seems like I have at least tried?

What do you think? Am asking here as I'm genuinely unsure of what the most sensible thing to do is.

[madeitagain]

I am a teacher. I went back to work when my child was 6 months old. I did a 4 day week. It was (for me ) practically impossible. The work load, combined with a young baby was way too much. I spoke to the headmistress who fortunately (had been, like me a single parent) and agreed to change my job role to PPA cover. I started this on a 3 day a week basis in the new school year. It was hard too but just and only just manageable. I am an experienced teacher and I love my job. I am happy to be working in a stimulating and challenging job. That's my experience if it is helpful to you I am pleased.

[pinktrufflechoc]

To be totally honest and I think this is why I've been quite anxious, I think working will be very difficult for several years and I may have to look at doing something completely different or retraining altogether.

I probably am a bit depressed - not as bad as when I was pregnant. Then, it was this awful throbbing hopelessness that just penetrated all I did. Now I just feel flat, like I have no energy or emotion.

[Seriouslyffs]

And another thing Pinktruffle I was in exactly the same situation when my dcs were tiny. Feeling that I should be using my QTS although I wouldn't make any money. In the end I did some long term supply when they were school age and now work in a related sector. I wouldn't have got the job without my teaching experience and it's a perfect fit. My very few years teaching weren't wasted at all.

[ImperialBlether]

I wouldn't go back to work if there was no financial incentive. I can only understand someone doing it if they're in a job that they would never get back afterwards. That's not true of teaching. You can always get back into it or do supply later on. You'd be mad to put yourself through all that stress for nothing.

[Seriouslyffs]

I think you've made the right decision. You weren't going to make any money and your DH wasn't on board.
Now enjoy your little dcs. Do think about getting some support for your anxiety though.

[Eva50]

I think you are doing the right thing. I had to go back to work when ds1 was 14 weeks and then again when ds1 was 2.1 yrs and ds2 was 14 weeks. We couldn't afford for me not to. I knew it wasn't right for me but had little choice. It sounds as if you know it isn't right either.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety on and off over the years and find it hard to recall much from the boys early years. I now have probable (no definite diagnosis yet) fibromyalgia/CFS, am no longer working and doubt I will work again. I don't doubt it partly stems from that time.

Don't feel bad about telling the school. Situations change and that can't be helped. Feel good about making the right decision for you and your family and enjoy your girls.

[BlinkAndMiss]

Ok, OP I completely understand your predicament here. I'm a teacher and my baby is also a few weeks old, I have an older child too who will require childcare when I return to work. Teaching is a daunting prospect for me too and I only left for maternity leave in May, 5 years out is a very long time in any profession but it doesn't mean that you will struggle. At the moment it must be very difficult to see past how you are feeling, I struggled for weeks with feeling sick and tired, finally at 7 weeks things started to improve but there is no way i could have made a decision about employment at this stage. It sounds like you are stressing yourself out with it, I do understand why you need to let them know as soon as you can but don't jump the gun.

January is a long time away, they will have to cover you until then anyway so it isn't imperative that they know before September, there will be suitable cover waiting in the wings anyway especially if it's teaching with no specialist responsibility. In a few weeks you might be in a better position to make the decision.

Teaching is daunting but there are so many positives with it, if you need the money then it's a great job to have as your children get older. You won't need to find childcare for every day of the holidays, and you can finish earlier than most other jobs, finishing up paperwork and marking once the children are in bed. It's also rewarding but I suppose that is down to personal preference. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's difficult to see the benefit of ever leaving the house again right now (or at least that's how I felt) but things will improve and you don't want to give up your ideal job until you know how things are giving to be more long term. The childcare payments are only for a short time at an extortionate price, they'll reduce as your children get older. However, you might find it harder to get back into teaching if you leave even more time - I think that offsets the time you'll have to work with no profit.

Congratulations on your new baby, my HV isn't overly helpful but I did speak to the dr at my 6-8week check regarding PND and feeling grim. I was told it probably isn't PND but I needed to give myself a bit of a break by taking some of the pressure off myself. I think that's what you need to do with this decision too. I hope you feel more settled soon.

[pinktrufflechoc]

Thank you. I've slept on it and decided I think it would be best for everybody, including the school, for me to admit I bit off more than I can chew.

Thank you to everybody for their support and advice

[lozster]

The childcare vouchers system is meant to be changing come autumn in a way that will advantage people with two kids. Won't be world changing but may tip the balance sheet in to profit for you.

[pinktrufflechoc]

I think I want to work; it's whether I can

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

The thing is, men like the status quo .. he knows you working will mean he has to step up and help more at home. Its a big chance for him too, its easier you being at home. I also think its a pride thing supporting a family. It can be done, and families can adjust. I think ultimately its your decision. Do you want to stay home? Or do you want to work?

[pinktrufflechoc]

We've spoken and he definitely doesn't want me to take it and thinks it's a huge mistake and would be better all round if I pull out now.

I'm still undecided. I think to feel comfortable with myself I have to at least try but it's going to be hard without support.

[pinktrufflechoc]

He doesn't want me to take it but he will support me in it.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Take the school out of the issue, whatever you do it will be a PITA for them, (ok not so helpful so far) but they will cope. You have to decide what is best for you, both mentally and physically.

If you go back and breakdown it will be much worse for you.

[mariposa10]

I think you should do the job. You won't feel so tired come January and everything will seem brighter, and if you give this opportunity up you might always regret it. The winter months will only last until about April! Surely it's better to try it and then if it's really not working then think about what to do next?

Do you think it's because you lack confidence in your ability to do the job? Would your DH be supportive if you took the job?

[Itsbloodyraining]

I think you're panicking. I'm four years out of the workplace and seriously have the fear sometimes. I've come so close to applying for jobs, but once I figure out it will actually cost me money to work, and the logistics of childcare drop offs, it seriously does not make any sense. Another year out will not make any difference to my cv, but will make all the difference to the happiness of me and my family.

[pinktrufflechoc]

Yeah, that's what DH said.

[Purplepoodle]

I think you need to decide if you want to go back to work at all or you would like to be a sahm for another year or so. Personally I would enjoy a year off and then start looking again. If you decide not to start I would explain that unfortunately you have been quite unwell after the birth of your second child and won't be able to give the position the attention it needs. Give u a good get out clause and a reason not to start.

[Itsbloodyraining]

I couldn't imagine teaching full time for no financial gain!

[pinktrufflechoc]

I'd still need some sort of references though for supply and so on.

[Itsbloodyraining]

I meant just if you were desperate to have some recent experience on your cv if you did happen to struggle to find permanent employment, when you did decide to re-enter the job market in the future.

[pinktrufflechoc]

Hardly any PT teaching positions are advertised though so I think if I'm going to go back to it I would simply have to obtain a full time position then politely ask if they would consider part time, although they aren't obliged to accept my request of course.

Either way I won't make a profit after childcare is paid for.

[Littlef00t]

I'd be leaving it until sept next year. And maybe look for pt as I found day 4&5 less profitable once a bigger chunk of tax was paid. By the time dd was 1 I was happy to be working again, dd was sleeping well and I enjoyed the intellectual stimulation. Would that make childcare cheaper or is dc1 just wraparound?

[pinktrufflechoc]

I couldn't do supply and a maternity cover would just be full time teaching without any security.

[Itsbloodyraining]

I wouldn't start just to finish a term later. Better for you to chill with your baby and for them to recruit fresh and have continuity. I believe there will always be a job for you, even if you have to do supply or a mat cover. Just say your circumstances have changed. They are not to know that your baby isn't ill or some other horrendous situation. Or that your free childcare has pulled out.