Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday, for four f***ing days!!

95 replies

TheoriginalLEM · 06/08/2015 17:41

We haven't been on holiday for three years due to finances. Hey ho, lots of people in the same boat. So this year i was determined. Having looked at the costs of school holiday holidays we decided the best option was to buy a tent. Initially not cheap - have spent £££ on the tent and stuff for camping. Have been away for a weekend, we all LOVED it.

Now between my job, which is erratic hours and Dp being self employed i have managed a window of opportunity in a couple of weeks time. Yay - exciting!

But no!

My mother doesn't like the idea of camping, tried everything to dissuade me from getting a tent, didnt think i would etc. I was concerned that DD wouldnt like it but thoguht it was worth a punt, DD loved it. Its all good.

Heres the thing

My mum is not in the best of health (a long term condition) and is old etc. Her dog has just being diagnosed with a terminal illness - i don't know if he will deteriorate quickly or not.

So today she comes round "now look, are you going away" "i hope so, DD needs a holiday and so do we" "oh ok, well then i am going to have to ask my neighbour to help me then, if i get sick, you know how i can take bad, and if anything happens to the dog" Hmm

FFS - I am not a totally selfish twat. I would be back like a shot if anything were to happen to her or the dog, or i wouldnt go if the dog looked like he was going to need pts when i was away, i just wouldn't.

So WIBU just to say "well yes, that sounds like a good idea, DD needs a holiday, she hasn't been away for three years, has no friends from school and quite frankly i am running out of ways to entertain her at home".

Now there will be an element of her being worried abotu being on her own if there is an issue with the dog, the thought has crossed my mind but the dog is ok for now. I don't anticipate a sudden decline. If my mum gets sick, well then thats another issue, no one would go away leaving an ill relative or they would come home. This is partly due to the fact that she really doesn't like the idea of camping - thinks DD will get stolen from our tent. Yeah right, our tent with my brick shit house of a DP and two dogs that would raise the devil if anyone came to the tent of a night. Oh and the fact that we are going to be camping on an organised site, bla bla bla. The biggest factor is that her sister is going to be over from australia and that she hates her sister and is pissed because he SIL is putting her sister up. I do happen to know that this will be at the time we are away (but it is genuinesly the only time i can go).

So i am actually thinking about lying about going away and tell her we couldnt book anything and tell her at the last minute. That way she wont be able to put a spanner in the works. IE - stop taking her medication, she has done this before, so she gets sick and i have to stay.

I paid more than i really could afford for the bloody tent, scrubbed dirty fecking floors and toilets at 5am to scrape the money together to buy it and its sitting in my front room unused.

My anxiety has rocketed as i am now convinced we wont get to go away AGAIN! :(

There is part of me that thinks i am the selfish one here.

OP posts:
feckitall · 06/08/2015 21:28

Higher Moor Farm Camp site at Nottington Weymouth is lovely...not over developed and aimed at families looking for a relaxing break..not too far to get to attractions and lots of low cost stuff too..

You may have sussed that I'm a fan! Grin

lalamumto3 · 06/08/2015 21:42

I agree with Dinosaurs, also please don't come back for the dog. You sound like you really deserve this break, wishing you a lovely holiday x

Original poster
TheoriginalLEM · 07/08/2015 11:41

She rang this morning, quite chipper, reeling off all the fun things coming up locally money sucking fetes and shit that we usually avoid like the plague that DD really wouldn't want to miss Hmm

OP posts:
DinosaursRoar · 07/08/2015 13:18

Be none-commital and "DD didn't fancy it" afterwards for hte ones before you go away. After you've been away "oh, we went camping for a few days last week so we're a bit skint now." nice little 'drop it into conversation'...

Your mum sounds like someone you should avoid telling things you plan on doing, just tell her afterwards things you have done.

Sometimesjustonesecond · 07/08/2015 13:27

missing a fete is not the end of the world - I expect there'll be another one, what with it being England and Summer time Wink

Your dd won't want to miss her holiday with her parents because her nan is being manipulative.

Just go and don't be in contact while away. If you are not at her beck and call she will cope.

code · 07/08/2015 13:41

Gosh she sounds hard work. Do you speak to her everyday? If not I'd be tempted to just go and not tell her until you are back.

keepitsimple0 · 07/08/2015 13:54

but she doesn't want you to go because of her dog? I can't say that that's a great reason! but I am pretty anti-pet. No doubt part of the reason why you don't have a pet is so you don't have to worry about these things.

I also imagine that little girls getting taken from tents happens about once every 800 years.

Go.

girlywhirly · 07/08/2015 14:11

Go on this camping holiday, enjoy yourselves and do not be put off by your mum. If you listen to her and do what she wants all the time you'll never do anything or go anywhere. She has relatives and neighbours to help her if she needs them.

Stopping taking her medication to make herself ill is seriously manipulative behaviour. Could you talk to her GP about the possibility of anti anxiety medication, because she must be quite anxious to do something like that in order to keep you close all the time.

PLUtoPlanet · 07/08/2015 15:12

I agree with Dinosaurs: try to keep it from her if you can. It's only 4 days, so you might be able to fob her off! Maybe call her the morning you leave, and have a loo emergency to get iff the phone. That sets the clock ticking, and you have a day or so before you have to make/receive conract again, and then it's nearly over!

Afterwards, if you get away with it, you can use it as evidence that it's quite okay for you to go away and abandon her

shadypines · 07/08/2015 16:25

Don't feel guilty, you are not selfish, please go and enjoy it.

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 07/08/2015 17:41

Like dinosaur said, dont even tell her you are away when you are away. You'll have your mobile so no reason to even mention it. If she knows then she might arrange to have the dog pts to get you back home (or claim she is going to do it).

trollkonor · 07/08/2015 17:42

She sounds like very hard work. Go, don't feel guilty and theres no reason to hurry back if the dog dies!

Scots farm in Witering. West wittering is the nicer beach but you can walk to local shops etc from this one. Its s bit windy but they sell wind breaks at all the local shops ;) they always seem to have room.
www.scotts-farm-camping.co.uk

Loads of nice sites between Corfe and Swanage.

Shorefield have a selection of sites
www.shorefield.co.uk/camping-touring-holidays/

The one in Swanage is moore on the edge of town and uphill but buses run if you dont want the hassle of parking.
With the Litton Lawn one you can use the indoor pool of their local static caravan park, shorefiled country park.
At the Forest Edge on y9u can use the facilities at Oakdene.

Oldraver · 07/08/2015 18:47

There's bad signal in the New Forest...just saying

Hissy · 07/08/2015 19:22

Hold on, is this the mother who screams at everyone, to the point of Nearly being Banned from a pharmacy?

I'd chase you out of your house myself. If I weren't on holiday already myself! Go. Go. Go.

GO! Leave the phone at home and go.

Anniegetyourgun · 07/08/2015 19:42

What I am going to say now is a little controversial so I hope you will forgive me but um... you are actually not the only person in the world who can possibly help your mother should she fall ill. She has neighbours, and presumably lives in an area not a hundred miles from health facilities. One does hear the occasional horror stories but for the most part doctors, hospitals and social services do manage to look after sick people without family members keeping a hawk eye upon them - at least in the short term. And four days is a very short term. She'll barely have time to work up a decent illness before you're back again.

You need this break. Your DH probably also needs this break. Your DD will benefit from this break. Your dogs will love this break. You simply can't take the solemn oath never, never to go away because your mother doesn't want you to Hmm For one thing if you get ill through stress because you never get a break you will be less able to help her.

There is really no logical reason why the dog should particularly choose to die over the exact four days that you go away. It could live for another year or several (a relative's dog recently died at the age of nineteen!) so you don't get to go away at all. Ever. I understand you being very fond of the dog, I've had dogs who I definitely thought of as people (not human people, but people nonetheless, and nicer than many humans); but not going away on the off chance that it might drop dead when you weren't there is a bit... ludicrous. If it's not a dire emergency but is in a bad way the vet might even hold off the pts until you get back. Four days!

For God's sake go away for four days with no guilt and stop letting the old biddy ruin EVERYthing you try to do for yourselves as a family unit.

Original poster
TheoriginalLEM · 07/08/2015 20:08

Achhhh, she has already started, just rung up, whimpering on about not being able to get to the shops today because she was poorly Confused. I am going to tell her we weren't able to book camping and then just fuck off.

The dog is unwell and it is terminal but i am not really expecting him to die within a couple of weeks. I wouldn't want to not be here when he goes though :(

OP posts:
Hezaire · 07/08/2015 20:38

You must go

winewolfhowls · 07/08/2015 20:51

Totally go for your own sanity!

If you don't you will encourage your mum in her behaviour and she will behave in an even worse fashion over any other event or issue.

Enjoy!

ohtheholidays · 07/08/2015 21:00

YANBU selfish,completely the opposite,you sound like your a really lovely daughter and your Mum is very lucky to have you.

Please put yourselfs first for once and go and have an amazing time.

We've just got back from Weymouth today,we were away for 5 days and the weather has been glorious whilst we were there and the sun was still shining when we left today.

Were also in the SE and Weymouth is like a second home to me(been going there since I was 6 weeks old)so if you want any ideas or suggestions for things to do there,cheap places to eat ect just let me know.

Cornwall we go every year,it's where DH is originally from and his parents and big brothers still live there.We love it there.

bluebeanie · 07/08/2015 21:01

Yes, tell her you can't book it. Then just go! Please do. She sounds like hard work

BreakWindandFire · 07/08/2015 21:08

You don't need to tell her you've gone. Ring her from your mobile every night and pretend that you're home. Or tell her on day 3, just before you come back.

(You have my sympathies. My mother has tried this with me every holiday since er, 1993! She's still here)

ovenchips · 07/08/2015 22:01

I feel for you OP. I don't think you are behaving in a remotely selfish manner and it's rotten that you even have that worry.

Ordinarily in this sort of situation I would say you need to set a very firm boundary, tell your mother in good time you are going, let her have her dramas but just ignore them and remain resolute about going away and staying there. Otherwise you are indirectly 'rewarding' her emotional blackmail, which will make her behaviour remain the same or worse as she sees it gets the results she wants!

In this particular case it is trickier because the dog is terminally ill and you have already said that him becoming suddenly worse would cause you to come back.

I hate to say this but your mother also knows that this reason will cause you to abort your holiday too, so she in effect has a 'trump card' to play if she needs it.

So I think it best to give her no notice of you going and not let on that you are away on this occasion. You could tell her the place you really wanted to go was fully booked. If she rumbles to it while you're away you could say they had a last minute cancellation and called you back etc.

I think it's dreadful for you to have to resort to these kind of games when a holiday should just be something really lovely to be planning/ be on. It takes the shine right off.

Once back off holiday I would make an effort to start to try to create a different dynamic with her (including seeing her less so she has less info about everything in your life). I do know this kind of change is FAR from easy, but would be so worth it.

And finally I really hope you get there for the full four days, I hope the weather is absolutely beautiful and that you get to feel you're on holiday. It's such a free feeling if you can manage it!

StDogolphin · 07/01/2016 10:24

Did you go OP?

GruntledOne · 07/01/2016 11:11

I suspect you'll find her health improves dramatically as soon as you tell her you're not going away.

The mother of a friend of mine would always decide she was dying whenever friend made plans to go away, even though friend has two very conscientious adult children who visited every day. Ultimately friend kept telling her that she had to go away for work purposes, that being the only excuse her mother would accept. She never got called back for health emergencies on those occasions.

knobblyknee · 07/01/2016 11:14

YANBU, thats an awful thing to do to you. I'm guessing you have one of these new fangled 'mobile phones' I hear so much about...Grin