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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday, for four f***ing days!!

95 replies

TheoriginalLEM · 06/08/2015 17:41

We haven't been on holiday for three years due to finances. Hey ho, lots of people in the same boat. So this year i was determined. Having looked at the costs of school holiday holidays we decided the best option was to buy a tent. Initially not cheap - have spent £££ on the tent and stuff for camping. Have been away for a weekend, we all LOVED it.

Now between my job, which is erratic hours and Dp being self employed i have managed a window of opportunity in a couple of weeks time. Yay - exciting!

But no!

My mother doesn't like the idea of camping, tried everything to dissuade me from getting a tent, didnt think i would etc. I was concerned that DD wouldnt like it but thoguht it was worth a punt, DD loved it. Its all good.

Heres the thing

My mum is not in the best of health (a long term condition) and is old etc. Her dog has just being diagnosed with a terminal illness - i don't know if he will deteriorate quickly or not.

So today she comes round "now look, are you going away" "i hope so, DD needs a holiday and so do we" "oh ok, well then i am going to have to ask my neighbour to help me then, if i get sick, you know how i can take bad, and if anything happens to the dog" Hmm

FFS - I am not a totally selfish twat. I would be back like a shot if anything were to happen to her or the dog, or i wouldnt go if the dog looked like he was going to need pts when i was away, i just wouldn't.

So WIBU just to say "well yes, that sounds like a good idea, DD needs a holiday, she hasn't been away for three years, has no friends from school and quite frankly i am running out of ways to entertain her at home".

Now there will be an element of her being worried abotu being on her own if there is an issue with the dog, the thought has crossed my mind but the dog is ok for now. I don't anticipate a sudden decline. If my mum gets sick, well then thats another issue, no one would go away leaving an ill relative or they would come home. This is partly due to the fact that she really doesn't like the idea of camping - thinks DD will get stolen from our tent. Yeah right, our tent with my brick shit house of a DP and two dogs that would raise the devil if anyone came to the tent of a night. Oh and the fact that we are going to be camping on an organised site, bla bla bla. The biggest factor is that her sister is going to be over from australia and that she hates her sister and is pissed because he SIL is putting her sister up. I do happen to know that this will be at the time we are away (but it is genuinesly the only time i can go).

So i am actually thinking about lying about going away and tell her we couldnt book anything and tell her at the last minute. That way she wont be able to put a spanner in the works. IE - stop taking her medication, she has done this before, so she gets sick and i have to stay.

I paid more than i really could afford for the bloody tent, scrubbed dirty fecking floors and toilets at 5am to scrape the money together to buy it and its sitting in my front room unused.

My anxiety has rocketed as i am now convinced we wont get to go away AGAIN! :(

There is part of me that thinks i am the selfish one here.

OP posts:
tarashill · 06/08/2015 18:28

Go, and have a lovely time. Put all negative thoughts out of your head.

CatsRule · 06/08/2015 18:29

You're not selfish at all...agree with those who say tell her last min.

Could your adult dd check on her and judge if anything is serious enough to justify calling you home?

We are in Cornwall just now, our second visit all the way from Glasgow...it's fab and hope to be back. People who camp are usually like minded, have their own children, or none and glad of the peaceGrin so won't be wanting to steal yours. My ds is 3 so I zip the bedroom up so the zips are to high for him to reach...more chance of him wandering!

Metacentric · 06/08/2015 18:31

i would want to come back if the dog needs pts,

I'd have been pretty pissed off as a child if our only summer holiday was abandoned because of a dog.

ilovesooty · 06/08/2015 18:32

Go. Your mother should be ashamed of herself.

Littleorangecat · 06/08/2015 18:34

If there is any chance she will stop taking her tablets to become ill, do not tell her the date you are going and tell her an hour before you leave. This is very selfish behaviour. You deserve this break - hope you all have a good time.

stayanotherday · 06/08/2015 18:34

Please go, it would do you good. Your daughter won't be little forever.

gamerchick · 06/08/2015 18:35

Do the lie and go because you'll know she'll put a spanner in the works.

You know she'll probably make you suffer when you get back so have an extra awesome time.

FurtherSupport · 06/08/2015 18:38

Not telling her until the morning night before you go sounds like a good idea.

The time her sister will be here sounds like a perfect time for you to go away. If she does need help, she'll have family on tap Grin

I wouldn't come home for the dog either. Just wouldn't occur to me.

FantasticButtocks · 06/08/2015 18:39

Yes, you really must go. Of course you must. I'd tell her you think it's an excellent idea that she is in touch with the neighbours, 'because we probably won't have phone signal out in the wild' Grin

Original poster
TheoriginalLEM · 06/08/2015 18:47

I have a samsung phone so i definately wont be contactable fucking battery is shite

OP posts:
Tanith · 06/08/2015 18:49

We have just had almost exactly the same thing with MIL. Half an hour before we were due to go, she rang DH to rant about how she couldn't cope, Social Services were bastards and incompetents and she was never going near them again etc. etc..

I wouldn't mind, but we did everything we could to make sure she would be OK and she undid half of it, saying she was fine!

So, once I calmed DH down from his stress, we carried on as planned. She has the SS contacts if she really can't manage but, since she's reassured them and us she can cope perfectly well, she can't complain.

Op, I'd do the same. "We will be away for 4 days and the phone connection is a bit dodgy. Here is the emergency Social Services number if you really need it while we're gone, but I'm sure you'll be OK. Bye!"

YakTriangle · 06/08/2015 18:50

Have a plan for if any of this stuff happens. Chances are, you won't need the plan, but at least you'll have it.
Otherwise, go away and have a lovely break.

Charley50 · 06/08/2015 18:53

Devon or Cornwall are obviously lovely but a bit closer near Corfe Castle in Dorset is Burnbake campsite.

SeaCabbage · 06/08/2015 18:53

Your mother might choose just that time to put the dog to sleep so no don't tell her you are going and also, don't take the phone. Have a private goodbye to the dog before you go so that if she does it while you are away then you have said goodbye.

Your daughter's needs are more important than your selfish mother's. Just go.

Original poster
TheoriginalLEM · 06/08/2015 19:03

Charley, that one is on my list :) I think you recommended it to me on another thread actually

OP posts:
juneau · 06/08/2015 19:09

Go! Dorset is lovely. We had a week in Lyme Regis when DS2 was a baby and we couldn't face going further afield. It was absolutely gorgeous. Lovely beaches, plenty to do, good restaurants, and lots of fossils to hunt for if you have DC the right age!

juneau · 06/08/2015 19:11

And this: I'd have been pretty pissed off as a child if our only summer holiday was abandoned because of a dog.

Put your DC and your family holiday first. I love both my parents and they love their pets, but there is no f*ing way I'd cancel our family holiday because one of the animals was ill. This is a precious opportunity for your family to go away - so grasp it with both hands.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 06/08/2015 19:14

Go and have a wonderful time. Camping is really good for kids.

Lightattheend · 06/08/2015 20:01

I vote go too. We bought a tent as we had not had a holiday also, you all deserve to use it and enjoy it.

Pico2 · 06/08/2015 20:06

Go. If you have any doubts, think of your DD.

Rhiana1979 · 06/08/2015 20:07

My mother rang me on the day I was going on holiday (so last minute ironing, packing and general rushing around) to tell me how down she was feeling and how she needed to hear a friendly voice. During the conversation she also dropped in that she's having blood tests but "not to worry".

She pulls this shit every time we go away.

Go and enjoy your holiday Wine

SonceyD0g · 06/08/2015 20:10

Anywhere around corfe castle in Dorset is amazing. We have just been for 4 days camping. We go every summer! You are not being selfish I just wouldn't tell her.
Hope you have a lovely time

YouTheCat · 06/08/2015 20:31

I remember your threads about your mother, Lem.

She is a piece of work. Tell her the morning you are going, just as you're all loaded up and ready for the off. Then switch off your phone and have a fantastic time. And don't you go feeling guilty.

In fact, I'd go as far as telling her you won't have your phones. She has other people she can contact in a real emergency and there won't be one anyway because they are all made up dramas in her mind .

DinosaursRoar · 06/08/2015 20:33

Go, keep it from your mum.

Would you even need to tell her on the day? You could just go and if she calls during the time you are gone, chat as normal or say you are on a day out.... She doesn't really need to know you were ever away.

Original poster
TheoriginalLEM · 06/08/2015 20:34

Dinosaurs that is a good idea

OP posts:
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