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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

2 year olds being taught to pout...

94 replies

The5DayChicken · 06/08/2015 12:34

Fairly sure I'm being judgy and unreasonable but the younger I see this, the more appalled I get.

I know about 4-5 people (not all women) who seem to have instilled adult-style vanity into their young daughters. I've been uncomfortable being around 4-6 year olds who strike model poses on command, complete with pout. There's obviously no good way to raise this and as I'm not particularly close to any of these people (we're in some of the same social circles without being friends ourselves IYSWIM?) it wouldn't be my place anyway.

I've just come back from soft play after meeting some friends and friends-of-friends. One of the friends-of-friends had her 2yo DD with her and spent about 20 minutes getting her DD to pose and pout for the camera. Had a look at FB when I got home and the pictures are on there, in all their uncomfortable glory. I've unfollowed because I really don't want to see such young children trying to look sultry.

Am I the only person who finds this type of thing really inappropriate? What happened to sharing pictures of 2 year olds getting caught red handed in the treat cupboard?

OP posts:

Doobigetta · 09/08/2015 17:30

YANBU. Even without the vile connection to child abuse, it's tasteless and vulgar. So yes, I judge. I judge people who don't judge as well. Some social rules are there for a reason, and one of those is that children and sexiness are not compatible, and anyone in the slightest bit confused about that needs to have a long hard look at themselves. I've fortunately never heard someone call a toddler sexy, but if I did, I would NOT hold back. Nor would I if the child in question was 14 or 15, I think any decent adult has a responsibility to be openly hostile to that kind of thinking.

Original poster

The5DayChicken · 09/08/2015 17:36

Apologies limited, I didn't mean to imply that that's what you were trying to say...I was just contemplating the point IYSWIM?

I agree that the issue isn't specific to females, but I definitely think it's far more pronounced in girls when looking at ways that very young children are sometimes being taught how to behave. IME, boys aren't exposed to this extent until far later in their lives.

OP posts:

limitedperiodonly · 09/08/2015 17:39

I've fortunately never heard someone call a toddler sexy, but if I did, I would NOT hold back.

Really? Because if I heard you not holding back towards the person I mentioned, I would judge you. I wouldn't say anything to you. But you should never assume that my silence would mean I agreed with you or felt in the least bit shamed by you.

Instead, I would comfort him when you'd paid your bill and stormed off never to darken his door again.

It's a circular judgement thing. It's what makes the world go round.

nooka · 09/08/2015 18:00

Calling toddlers 'sexy' is what the world goes around?

If someone had called either of my children sexy when small (or not so small for that matter) I'd not storm off, and I don't think anyone has said that they would throw a tantrum, but I might well have said 'please don't call my small child sexy, it's very inappropriate' if it was more than a one off throw any comment.

In any case I think the focus of this thread is about adults, especially parents teaching their small children to act in a way that is considered sexual and then praising them for it. Oh and no I don't think on the face of it that your BIL was over reacting, I'd think 'wtf' as someone who taught their child to bat their eyelashes too.

limitedperiodonly · 09/08/2015 18:11

Calling toddlers 'sexy' is what the world goes around?

No. I don't believe that's what I said. Differences of opinion are what makes the world go round.

For the third time: calling small children sexy makes me wince. In most circumstances I would not say anything. In this particular circumstance, with this particular person, I would say nothing and continue to visit them as I have done.

And wrt no one saying they'd throw a tantrum, how do you take this: I've fortunately never heard someone call a toddler sexy, but if I did, I would NOT hold back?

Doobigetta · 09/08/2015 19:06

Sorry, limited, I don't think this falls into the realm of healthy differences of opinion, or being sensitive to other people's feelings. A culture of politely turning a blind eye to inappropriate attitudes and behaviour towards children has been shown to have caused a big fucking mess in this country, and ruined far too many lives.

limitedperiodonly · 09/08/2015 19:27

Mostly all that would be necessary Doobigetta would be for you to say to someone: 'Please don't call that child sexy. She's two. It's inappropriate'.

They would probably say: 'Oh, okay' because that's generally what's people do.

They might say: 'What's it to you, Lady?' which is the point at which I might consider NOT holding back, as you put it. But not before.

Because launching in like that when you could first make a simple request would be an over reaction and likely to cause a big fucking mess and ruin the day if not anyone's life.

Doobigetta · 09/08/2015 19:32

Well, you don't know me, so you have no idea what I would actually say or what my idea of not holding back is. It's basically your second version rather than wincing quietly. I'd probably just laugh at someone who said "what's it to you, Lady" and step off the 1950s Bronx film set.

Notapinkgirl · 10/08/2015 07:44

Um what is duck face? Am I the only one who doesn't know?

nooka · 10/08/2015 07:58

I google imaged 'duckface' and this was the first good example. Not sure I completely agree with the blog, but basically it's a weird sort of puckered up lip thing that for some reason teenagers (in particular) think is attractive. I think because it's sort of 'kissy'

CrispyFern · 10/08/2015 08:01

I have two people on my Facebook who only ever duckface. One is a 14 year old, I asked her why she did it actually and she said it made her look more grown up. I feel like she is just trying to fit in with her peers and I notice it but it doesn't upset me to see.

The other is a twenty something and with her it makes me cringe more, because I feel like she should be over it! Just smile once in your five hundred pictures you put up of yourself FGS. I wonder if she is very insecure?

If I saw a toddler doing it I would completely judge, definitely.

daisydukes229 · 10/08/2015 08:19

Not just teens.
A woman I know is duck facing in EVERY SINGLE ONE of her wedding photos.
She is going to regret that one day.

I dislike it when people teach kids to do it. I do have one of my son doing it though

Luvverly · 10/08/2015 10:28

Leave the children to use their own expressions.

MadeMan · 10/08/2015 11:43

Pouty face.

ohlittlepea · 10/08/2015 11:55

its hideous....hate it when mums post selfies of themselves and daughter pouting...and then youn hear younger and younger girls saying i'm fat, i'm ugly' i've lost weight etc...im thinking of starting a self esteem page for mothers and daughter on fb encouraging positivity about liking yourself without this minimiley nonsense.

Original poster

The5DayChicken · 10/08/2015 12:49

Oh dear daisy...in all the wedding photos! Not even one of them looking care-free and loved up????

OP posts:

daisydukes229 · 10/08/2015 13:40

Not one. I cringed looking through them. I thought "there must be one" the only ones that she isn't duckfacing are where she's stood at the altar. Other than that, all of them have the duckface - even the signing of the register.

She will regret it so much once the duck face goes out of "fashion" again. It doesn't look attractive at all.

MadeMan · 10/08/2015 13:56

"...the only ones that she isn't duckfacing are where she's stood at the altar."

God doesn't take kindly to people duckfacing at the vicar.

Original poster

The5DayChicken · 10/08/2015 14:20

MadeMan you just made me spit my coffee out

OP posts:

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