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Original poster

2 year olds being taught to pout...

94 replies

The5DayChicken · 06/08/2015 12:34

Fairly sure I'm being judgy and unreasonable but the younger I see this, the more appalled I get.

I know about 4-5 people (not all women) who seem to have instilled adult-style vanity into their young daughters. I've been uncomfortable being around 4-6 year olds who strike model poses on command, complete with pout. There's obviously no good way to raise this and as I'm not particularly close to any of these people (we're in some of the same social circles without being friends ourselves IYSWIM?) it wouldn't be my place anyway.

I've just come back from soft play after meeting some friends and friends-of-friends. One of the friends-of-friends had her 2yo DD with her and spent about 20 minutes getting her DD to pose and pout for the camera. Had a look at FB when I got home and the pictures are on there, in all their uncomfortable glory. I've unfollowed because I really don't want to see such young children trying to look sultry.

Am I the only person who finds this type of thing really inappropriate? What happened to sharing pictures of 2 year olds getting caught red handed in the treat cupboard?

OP posts:
LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 07/08/2015 12:41

Yanbu. Normally I'm a live and let type but this really annoys me too. Calling toddlers sexy in photos and making them look like adults seems to be a new thing on my fb too Confused
tbh let my 6yo wear nail polish which I know some people disprove of but its done in a "lets have fun and make your nails look like rainbows' way. So its fine right?
worries

MiaowTheCat · 07/08/2015 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NewLife4Me · 07/08/2015 12:54

YANBU I don't like it either.
My dd is 11 and won't do it as I told her it meant you wanted to snog somebody, which she still finds disgusting Grin
She said it is vomit inducing, so she'll do for me.

molyholy · 07/08/2015 13:11

I really worry about this with my DD. She is nearly 7 and has no concept of all this shit. I know I can't shield her forever, but find it such a shame that I can't pop a music channel on because of the overly sexual music videos. I'm not a prude, but I just find it all wholly inappropriate. There is a high school near dd's school and I am Shock at the way some of the girls look i.e. full face of make up, extremely short skirts. Can't believe it is allowed as part of a uniform, unless they unroll their skirts so they are longer when they get in school.

Everything is so sexualised these days and getting toddlers to do a sexy pout is ludicrous. Please let kids be kids for as long as is possible.

BertieBotts · 07/08/2015 13:29

I think so Lois but DH disagrees with me.

Sgtmajormummy · 07/08/2015 15:09

I looked at DD's class photograph (8 and 9 yo) and yes, there are the usual suspects doing the "point one foot, one hand on hip and shake your hair back" poses. Where has their childhood gone?

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 07/08/2015 16:18

There's a book about this called Living Dolls, I haven't read it yet but it was recommended on a similar thread. Women are being sexulised and objectified more than ever it seems. To start it this young is really sad.

LilyTucker · 07/08/2015 18:44

Yanbu.I was shocked to see some of the pouts on my dad's Instagram feed.They are 10. She is banned from posting pics of herself so I check reg. I'm not on Instagram so have been a big naive, think I'm going to pull her off until she's older.

Belleview · 08/08/2015 09:38

Yadnbu. It's absolutely anti -childhood to objectify babies and children like this. Profoundly sad.

Original poster
The5DayChicken · 08/08/2015 11:36

Thank you for the book recommendation Lois...I'll definitely order it Smile

OP posts:
LovelyFriend · 08/08/2015 11:37

Its really really gross, tasteless and show just how little people actually think about what they are doing.

It's like"the media" have been put in charge and a surprisingly massive number of people just fall in line and believe it all, suck it all up.

Utterly depressing.

Solo · 08/08/2015 12:15

Think of the fine lines they'll all have around their mouths before they are 12!!!
My Dd is 8 and doesn't do it. If she did I'd be putting my foot down and having her stop it! can't stand it.

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 08/08/2015 18:42

I have honestly never seen a child do this IRL (as in in front of my eyes) but a couple of old school classmates and people I used to know through antenatal class 10 years ago mums have started posting the duck face pics like this on my fb feed... and one of them posts her 10 and 6 year old DDs doing it too now...

I don't "get" the duck face at all - I was assuming it was mainly overweight people trying very clumsily and unsubtly to make their faces look thinner Blush :o :o

Never mind my 10 yo DD being sheltered, I guess I am too! Blush :o

DD is going to secondary in Sept and I am already slightly taken aback by the increasingly universal opinion that she will "need" WhatsApp (not want, need, and its mums saying it not only kids) when none of her peer group even had a brick phone in the last year of primary... I guess all this may kick in suddenly in Sept (I hope not) but I suppose I should be glad it doesn't seem to have any impact on under 10s around here...

I do think that suggests its not "The Media" alone though and that regardless of the universal media influence social and community attitudes still have other, stronger influences, given the media here is at least as crap as anywhere else...

Blimin sad phenomenon.

MadeMan · 08/08/2015 21:11

Pouting is for applying lipstick, or sulking; perhaps in some instances both at the same time.

bettyberry · 08/08/2015 21:55

I don't like it either but what are you to do?

I know a mum who teaches her child to do this then dresses her in a bikini on the beach (she's 4) and tells her to keep her boobies covered.

It's no wonder girls grow up so so confused about their bodies. Look available and sexy but also be ashamed of your body. gah! The crazy feminist in me wants to get the mallet out and bash some sense into people but It'll never work.

feralgirl · 09/08/2015 00:32

Gross. Up there with dressing 5yos in heels and make up, like some of DS's classmates in the end of year disco, who twerked and pouted all evening too :-(

MrsLion · 09/08/2015 00:53

YANBU. I have never come across this though- luckily.

nooka · 09/08/2015 06:27

My niece (not a toddler but a teen) has duckfaces all over her fb. I really find it difficult to understand. These are perfectly attractive girls pulling faces that make them look really unattractive. I notice none of the boys are pulling equivalently odd faces in their pics (although they do plenty of selfies too).

Why do girls pull /get encouraged to pull this weird face? I can't imagine wanting to have pictures of my children pulling faces. I like natural poses personally.

Sapb102 · 09/08/2015 08:35

I have a beautiful 15 year old niece who is fabulous, down to earth, grounded and body confident (in a nice way) but then I see her trout pout pics on fb and it makes me sad. I just don't get it. I know its probably a phase and Im just getting old (35). I am trying to keep my 3 year old dd protected a bit longer from all these things - terrifying what young age they are subjected.

On a slightly different note - did anyone see Sex in Class this week? It really highlighted the problem occurring with male domination in teens with the access to hardcore porn and their total misconception of reality. Fab program - the boys were much more realistic by the end of it. we so need this lovely lady to roll out a program in the UK!

specialsubject · 09/08/2015 14:31

lesson #1 - teach your children not to be sheep.

we also need to laugh at the duckface/pouting/stupid poses, rather than admire.

waterjungle · 09/08/2015 15:24

I've had the unfortunate experience of seeing a video an acquaintance posted on FB. Her 18-month old daughter dancing for the camera accompanied by the mother and auntie saying "Who's a sexy little btch, dance for the camera, who's a sexy bitch?"
Just so wrong, made me want to cry .....

limitedperiodonly · 09/08/2015 15:45

Probably not, but I can't really get worked up about it and once they reach their teens I think girls trying to act sexy and boys trying to act hard is completely normal and a minor worry if they aren't actually going any further than acting.

Even if they are, I'm not sure what you can do about it.

A close friend who runs a restaurant which welcomes families with small children calls them 'sexy' amongst his various terms of endearment. That one jars, but it's not meant with sinister motives and I've never seen or heard anyone get offended. He's Spanish and gay and the customers with children are mostly English and straight. That could have anything or nothing to do with it.

I was drawn to this because my SIL taught her small son to bat his eyelashes. He had the most spectacular eyelashes - thick and long like a camel's. When he did it, you could almost feel the breeze.

BIL was most upset because he thought it was provocative. Like as if my SIL would have wanted her child to be molested Confused. She just thought it was funny and maybe she did it more when she discovered it wound up her husband Wink. She is a good mother in every way. BIL would agree.

My nephew is a teenager now and can't do it, even if he wanted to. His eyelashes have thinned and shortened like the rest of the family.

Incandescentage · 09/08/2015 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
The5DayChicken · 09/08/2015 16:33

limited - I don't think anyone here is trying to say that parents who do this are trying to encourage child molestation, just that they're misguidedly encouraging their children to behave in a way that isn't age appropriate because said behaviours are associated with finding a sexual partner and making yourself sexually attractive.

I've been hoping for days that someone would comment on the thread saying they've taught their very young DD to behave like this, and why they think it's appropriate. I suspect I'm going to stay in the dark though Sad .

On the children being called 'sexy' thing, it's only once happened to my DD...my response was something along the lines of "DD isn't sexy. She's 1."

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 09/08/2015 16:58

I don't think anyone here is trying to say that parents who do this are trying to encourage child molestation

I wasn't trying to say that either. It was a story that amused me because about 12 years on, my nephew has grown up into a typical heterosexual 15 year old boy despite my BIL's fears of passive sexualisation.

And also perhaps to illustrate that it's not just girls who are subject to pressure. Though my SIL's pressure, if that's what it was, was more about being 'girly', whatever that means. They have a girl too.

I maintain that BIL, much as I like him, was over-reacting and my SIL was gently winding him up.

People have extended your OP about toddlers to include teenagers. Those two things are different and need different approaches.

About a small child being called sexy: it does make me wince whenever I hear it but with the particular person I mentioned I'd let it go. It's done without malice and it's happens maybe twice in a two-hour lunch once a week. I feel confident that my own messages over the rest of the time would override whatever damaging messages he was imparting.

But if it offended you, then of course you should say.