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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to Duct tape over neighbours dazzling driveway lights?

51 replies

thearty1 · 03/08/2015 07:37

Well..., DH did it actually, and I told him not to. He did it anyway, saying that their house lights were off. It was 10.15pm, and he didn't want to knock on their door if they were in bed.

The neighbours across the road from us, installed and had on for the first time, their new driveway lights, which are huge, bright blue leds, and very bright and dazzling.

When we step outside our door, it is so dazzling, I cant see anything else much, and from inside we have a blue glow to all rooms in the front half of the house. The lights shine through curtains (apart from the blackout ones).

I suppose I have to go and knock on their door now and explain that we did the Duck tape. I do not want to cause any resentment or make a fuss. Ive not actually ever met these neighbours, as they are not about very much, even though I know everyone in the other neighbouring houses.

The lights went off about 20 mins after DH duct taped them, and looking out this morning, the tape has gone!

Do you think they got the message, or do I have to go and admit it was us that did it?

OP posts:

Wishful80sMontage · 03/08/2015 07:39

They've got the message but I don't think they'd be too impressed- did you raise it as an issue beforehand?
We've fallen out with our neighbour because rather than speaking to us about a problem with parking she went straight into attack mode so I may be more sensitive than most on this op

TheBitterBoy · 03/08/2015 07:43

I think if this was the first time they had them on you were very unreasonable to do this. You should have gone to speak to them about the lights first. They would have no idea how it is affecting your house.

Original poster

thearty1 · 03/08/2015 07:43

No, the lights went on for the first time last night, and when DH went to their house, their indoor lights were off, curtains closed, and he said he didn't want to wake them up. He also said he wasn't going to stand for this all night either, as our bedroom is on the front of the house, and was shrouded in a blue hue!

I am really annoyed with DH, because I would have put up with it for a night at least!

OP posts:

Original poster

thearty1 · 03/08/2015 07:46

That's what I thought the feeling would be. Yes, I agree DH was being unreasonable.

Oh god, now it's up to me to sort it out and apologise on his behalf isn't it? I wish I'd have made more of a fuss and not let him out with the tape.

OP posts:

londonrach · 03/08/2015 07:48

Pop over this morning and apology re the duct tape and explain you didnt want to wake them.

FurtherSupport · 03/08/2015 07:53

I don't understand why you have to sort it out, but TBH if everyone's reasonable, explaining that you/he did it as a temporary measure as you didn't want to knock when the house was in darkness shouldn't leave any bad feeling.

yomellamoHelly · 03/08/2015 07:56

But if they were in bed there was no need for those lights to be on. Surely the purpose of them is to help them park when they return if they take the car out during the evening. So not totally unreasonable I'd say.

PartTimePunk · 03/08/2015 07:59

Why is it up to you to go over and apologise? Your DH taped up their lights, why can't he sort it out?

FurtherSupport · 03/08/2015 08:01

I think the main point of the lights is to look nice and maybe add some security. Lots of people round here have their outdoor lights on all night.

happyfrogger · 03/08/2015 08:02

Your poor neighbours. They are now thinking 'oh god, we're in a neighbourhood with weird slightly odd people who can't talk or like a drama'.

Yes, your husband could have handled it far better. If the light was so offensive that it would have caused you a long stressful sleepless night (really?) then yes, you do knock on the door because normal people have polite face to face chats. Or put a note through a deal with it in the morning. Not stealth taping up.

They will be seriously eye rolling at your behaviour so go and fix it fast before you get yourself labelled.

HeyDuggee · 03/08/2015 08:03

It was a bit stupid of them to keep bright blue lights on all night and not think about surrounding neighbours. I would go in with "we didn't want to wake you and you forgot to turn your lights off - we had to use duct tape as we couldn't sleep with the bright light shining right through our curtains"

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 03/08/2015 08:04

No of course it isn't up to you. He's not a child and you're not his mother!

DoreenLethal · 03/08/2015 08:17

Do you often sort out his issues for him? Weird.

diddl · 03/08/2015 08:21

Let him sort it out!

Icimoi · 03/08/2015 08:25

I wonder if they're set to go off automatically at 10.30 anyway? If so you could maybe agree a compromise whereby they go off earlier?

VulcanWoman · 03/08/2015 08:30

What will you do if they have a big Christmas light display.
If it bothered me that much I'd get Blackout curtains on all windows. I have a blazing street light outside my bedroom window.

wowfudge · 03/08/2015 08:34

Sledgehammer to crack a nut? Your DH was out of order. The lights are just the kind of thing that would drive me crackers, but I would have waited to next morning and gone round slightly grumpy from lack of sleep and spoken to them about the lights.

I would go with Duggee's suggestion.

fourtothedozen · 03/08/2015 08:48

It was a very stupid thing to do.

If the duct tape left a residue or caused the lights to overheat your OH may be liable for criminal damage.

He shouldl expect a roasting from your neighbours.

FurtherSupport · 03/08/2015 08:55

If I'd installed lights that drove my neighbours to such lengths, I'd be really embarrassed. Does no-one think the neighbours will be feeling a bit uncomfortable too?

Chunkymonkey79 · 03/08/2015 08:58

Om one hand, as long as the tape didn't damage the lights, I think as a one off i don't think it was unreasonable of your husband. He does need to go and explain asap how bad the glare was though and ask them to stop it happening.

On the other hand though, if they were my lights i would be a bit miffed someone didn't just come and speak to me!

pinkfrocks · 03/08/2015 08:58

I can't believe someone went out and did something to someone else's property like that! God- you are all mad!!!!

I hope he's thought that your new neighbour might come over and give him what for and maybe a smack around the chops at the same time!

Seriously- this is just not acceptable behaviour.

If lights are causing an issue with sleeping then the correct way to sort it is a) talk to neighbour and b) contact your local environmental health dept who will come and look and have a word.

JoffreyBaratheon · 03/08/2015 09:03

One of my (nice) neighbours does electrical things for a living and they have a huge old-fashioned street light thingy in their front garden. Worse still, they have covered a weeping willow with flashing blue and white lights that you can see in the entire front of our house. I priced up blackout curtain lining and will be getting some before winter because last year at xmas they draped another tree in their front garden with flashing/strobing lights. We suffered it for about three weeks, hoping they'd be taken down after xmas but I was getting migraines every night from it. Luckily they did take it down but I know what you mean - it was appalling to have to live with. I have got used to the blue and white lights - even though when you're in the bath if you doze off and wake suddenly you think there's a police car in the drive...

They are naive and otherwise really nice people I don't want to upset so I am just going to get the blackout curtain lining before they do it again. I do think people are selfish and don't stop to think who else is affected. If you're prone to migraines, it can set them off endlessly and for nearly a month at xmas it felt like sleeping in a disco as our bedroom is the one at the front...

We have had horrendous problems with the nasty neighbours on the other side, and need the nice ones onside to hopefully get them evicted, so I just put up and shut up.

JoffreyBaratheon · 03/08/2015 09:08

ETA: I should say the strobing blue willow tree is never turned off and rages all night. We have kind of got used to it and it doesn't set off migraines like their bizarre xmas lights did. To those who have never had to sleep in a 70s' disco - it is not entirely fun if the light invades the entire front of your house, every room, and you can't escape it. The xmas tree was angled differently so it actually flooded our house with light. If they do it again this year, and the blackout curtains don't work, I guess I should have a word. But I need to keep the bloke sweet to fix up some electrics to my outhouse....

rosy71 · 03/08/2015 09:19

Why did the lights go off 20 minutes after he taped them? Perhaps they were set to go off at that time. If you could tell they'd gone off, the tape can't have covered them up that much anyway.

rosy71 · 03/08/2015 09:20

I'm also not sure why you need to tell them it was you/apologise when your dh did it. Let him talk to them!

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