DH night out - AIBU?

[Summertimesadness1]

I've been deliberating over posting about this because I keep thinking I am in the right but then swinging back the other way.

DH went out last night. He doesn't go out often so I was happy for him to. DD is teething and was a pain all night but when he text (which he did a few times to check everything was ok) I told him everything was fine.

I was trying to sooth DD in our bedroom (at the front of the house as it was cooler than her room) and I saw DD walk up to the gate. He must have heard DD crying (I had the window open and she was wailing) and he hesitated, then turned round and walked the other way. There's a little pub at the top of our road and I saw him walk in there.

He came home an hour later, but even then it wasn't too late (maybe 11.45pm) and didn't mention anything about going to the other pub. I didn't mention anything either.

Basically, AIBU for being annoyed? If I hadn't have seen him, I'd never have known. Plus it was his first night out since DD was born so he was entitled to stay out as long as he wanted, but he clearly heard her screaming and decided not to come home just yet. It was fine, she went down soon after, but I still feel a bit pissed off.

I think some parents make parenting sound very very difficult.
At times it is challenging obviously, but talk about making mountains out of molehills!
One night of a teething baby on your own does not kill you and one night of escaping whilst leaving your child with the other parent is not uncaring, irresponsible or a crime.
I would never expect my DP to rush in to rescue me in that situation.

You're totally right of course. I mean, apologising for leaving your OH to deal with a difficult baby is obviously highly unreasonable isn't it. My mistake.

There's so much wrong with that it's untrue.

Where does the OP say her DD is a "difficult baby"? And even if she is, why should the OP's DH apologise for that? Or for going out - he went out with her full consent (not that he needs consent but ykwim), he texted in regularly (which he needn't have done imho), the OP could have asked him to come home at any time, and the OP was soothing the baby herself - does that take two people?

Like I say, some people really are martyrs. Add to that a dose of looking for things to be offended by and this is what you get

The baby was clearly having a difficult night. I simply said that if I came home to a crying baby I would probably feel inclined to say sorry for leaving my dh to cope alone. Surely that's reasonable and decent behaviour from one human being to another?
Looking after a crying baby is hard work. Even the ability to pass the baby to another person for a while makes a difference to how hard it is.

My dh is a perfectly capable dad who would be totally coping with a crying baby but I still think it's reasonable to say sorry for making him have to while I was out on a jolly!
I'm not talking about a grovelling, bended knee begging for forgiveness here!

I have to add that the fact that messages were sent to say the baby was fine are really irrelevant given that the OP said this actually wasn't the case but she hadn't wanted to disturb her dh. When he arrived home (the first time) he surely could see and hear that the baby wasn't ok?! It would have been far more decent of him to pop in, say are you ok and ask if it was ok to go to the pub again.

You don't stop being a parent when you're out of the house. The fact that the other parent is looking after the baby doesn't revoke your responsibilities entirely. The fact that it is the child's other parent who is coping alone doesn't mean that a bit of gratitude doesn't go a long way.

Nope, yanbu, I'd be feeling very let down. He obviously didn't feel like putting up with a crying bub. .... but was happy to let you do so even though you had been dealing with it all night.

He had ONE night off FFS!

Even if he couldn't actually have done anything to help the baby directly, I know that if I'm having a difficult day with the kids I really look forward to my DP getting home. Just another adult to give you a sympathetic look, make a cuppa, or talk about the day can do wonders.

YANBU to feel a little hit miffed, I suppose, but I don't think there's anything to be done about it. He's not done anything horrible or inconsiderate and it's not as if his appearance in the middle of a screaming match would have made any difference.

If you wouldn't have resented his staying out late if you hadn't seen him, then I don't think you can reasonably resent his decision to delay his arrival home a bit.

Guard against always coming back at nine-ish as well (unless that's your actual preference) as there is nothing worse for building resentment than martyrdom.

This thread really is one of those that has me shaking my head in amazement at how different people are!