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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH night out - AIBU?

84 replies

Summertimesadness1 · 02/08/2015 21:27

I've been deliberating over posting about this because I keep thinking I am in the right but then swinging back the other way.

DH went out last night. He doesn't go out often so I was happy for him to. DD is teething and was a pain all night but when he text (which he did a few times to check everything was ok) I told him everything was fine.

I was trying to sooth DD in our bedroom (at the front of the house as it was cooler than her room) and I saw DD walk up to the gate. He must have heard DD crying (I had the window open and she was wailing) and he hesitated, then turned round and walked the other way. There's a little pub at the top of our road and I saw him walk in there.

He came home an hour later, but even then it wasn't too late (maybe 11.45pm) and didn't mention anything about going to the other pub. I didn't mention anything either.

Basically, AIBU for being annoyed? If I hadn't have seen him, I'd never have known. Plus it was his first night out since DD was born so he was entitled to stay out as long as he wanted, but he clearly heard her screaming and decided not to come home just yet. It was fine, she went down soon after, but I still feel a bit pissed off.

OP posts:
scarlets · 04/08/2015 12:06

The night was still young. I think that a rare night off should be enjoyed to its full potential. You chose to come home at 9pm when you went out, but you weren't obliged to I guess.

In general, as long as there is a fair division of work/play and no one feels put upon, it's fine.

Gottagetmoving · 04/08/2015 12:09

Why do people assume he thought 'Fuck you' pr had that attitude at all,..He may jst as well have thought 'I have had a few drinks, she is up to her eyes in it so I will keep out of the way' or maybe,..he simply thought, 'I will have one last pint before going home'
He didn't leave anyone to die FFS.

Georgethesecond · 04/08/2015 12:13

If he had come in though, how could he have helped? Surely baby would have just been whinging at two of you instead of one? I can see why he did it, though i still might have been annoyed in your place. It's hard when you have a bad period, be kind to him and to yourself. He just wanted to prolong his agreed time off within expected and agreed times, he didn't really do anything wrong. Give yourself a break soon.

SnapesCapes · 04/08/2015 12:18

I'm probably in the minority here but I laughed when I read your post, because (so long as he's a great DH and Dad the rest of the time) it's such a cheeky thing to do.

It's hard work being a parent, regardless of the details, and everyone needs a break sometimes. Good on him for making the most of his break, when you next get yours you should absolutely make the most of it!

HoldYerWhist · 04/08/2015 13:17

I laughed too, but actually I'm starting to feel sorry for the poor bloke!

Sometimesjustonesecond · 04/08/2015 15:40

Single parents cope because there is no choice - no one would begrudge a lone parent a well deserved night off. But OPs dh hasnt been all by himself raising the kids.

BertrandRussell · 04/08/2015 15:45

How exactly was he going to "help"? How many people does it take to comfort a crying baby?

hairtoday1 · 04/08/2015 15:51

Yes Glo, men ONLY go home if they want sex or are tired. Couldn't possibly be for any other reason. Hmm Maybe the men you know.

YABU op but you know that now Smile

BitOutOfPractice · 04/08/2015 15:56

FWIW I would have done the same as your DH!

If that makes me selfish then so be it. Everyone is allowed to be selfish occasionally and, as you say, he's a great supportive partner and dad 99% of the time.

If he were my DH I would laugh my head off at it and tease him about it tonight

Singsongsung · 04/08/2015 16:11

I would be really cheesed off if I were you. He heard the baby crying but couldn't possibly know why- what if the baby was ill and he walked away?! If my dh did that I'd be really upset but to be honest I know he wouldn't. He'd be in there like a flash to help me out (he doesn't drink so no issues of being drunk in charge).
Similarly I would run into the house concerned if my baby was crying. I'd be worried about them and my dh and probably apologise for going out in the first place leaving dh to cope with a sad baby.

NickiFury · 04/08/2015 16:29

You'd apologise for leaving a sad baby Grin?

Get a grip.

BrianButterfield · 04/08/2015 16:32

Honestly...I very very rarely go out so in that situation I may well have thought "fuck that!" and gone until the coast was clear. I spend every evening dealing with small children so I'd like one night off! I might have felt differently with my PFB.

Singsongsung · 04/08/2015 16:34

I would say "sorry I left you to deal with that" yes! Why do I need to get a grip??!! I don't think it's unreasonable to be a bit sympathetic to the parent who's dealt with a very upset baby while you've been out having a jolly!!

HoldYerWhist · 04/08/2015 16:38

Ffs. Apologies for leaving a sad baby???

I've heard it all now!

NickiFury · 04/08/2015 16:39

You'd run into the house, you'd apologise for your baby crying and the fact that the child's other parent was dealing with it?

I bet when your child so much as squeaks you both dash competitively to deal with it don't you? Grin

BitOutOfPractice · 04/08/2015 16:43

singsongsung there would be no need to worry - the OP's DH had texted several times that evening to see how things were and was told everything was fine.

I smell a lot of burning martyrs on this thread Grin

hairtoday1 · 04/08/2015 16:45

Please can we burn all the martyrs? They're so bloody annoying.

BertrandRussell · 04/08/2015 17:13

"probably apologise for going out in the first place leaving dh to cope with a sad baby."

If I had done that my OP would have been justifiably pissed off at the implication that he couldn't cope.

Singsongsung · 04/08/2015 17:44

You're totally right of course. I mean, apologising for leaving your OH to deal with a difficult baby is obviously highly unreasonable isn't it. My mistake.

NickiFury · 04/08/2015 18:11

But that didn't happen Confused.

There'd been a number of messages assuring the DH that all was well.

ArendelleQueen · 04/08/2015 18:14

No one needs to apologise for having a break from their own child, especially not when they are both getting equal time alone.

HoldYerWhist · 04/08/2015 20:26

Nobody needs to apologise to a parent parenting his child. Ever.

peggyundercrackers · 04/08/2015 20:49

Why would you want him back if you were dealing with the baby? Does it need 2 adults to sort out a teething baby?

He came back at 11:45 which isn't late, maybe he wanted another drink in the pub with the regulars.

JackSkellington · 04/08/2015 21:42

Apologising for going out Grin oh dear. Although one would assume that if the baby had been ill and he was urgently needed, OP would have called/text her husband to say so. Not to mention that he text her several times to make sure everything was okay...

WixingMords · 05/08/2015 07:49

I think the OP at this stage with well over it. Her and her DH are more than likely merrily getting on with their lives, never to think about this thread or that night again.