DF's parenting.

[Finallyonboard]

I have a good friend who is lovely. However, today our DC were playing together at my house. When it was time to leave, her DC was playing with one of my DC's toys (a cup from a tea set) and wouldn't give it back. DF put her DC into the car carrying the toy, I assumed she'd get it back once her DC was in the car seat but rather than making her DC return the toy, she turned to me, laughed and said: 'I think you've lost that'. Gave me a hug and drove off. I was too shocked to say anything. She lives four hours away so not even easy to return it. I feel cross and have decided not to arrange a new date - AIBU? Is this normal?

Tell her you'd like it posted back.

Blimey no that's not normal. Extremely rude.

It isn't really even about the cup, it's more than I can't believe she did it. I'm so firm with my DC at friends houses and would never allow this. Perhaps I'm too firm? They are very littlemi suppose!

Sorry. New keyboard. Excuse my mistakes.

Rude! What would she do if she was in a shop and her child took a shine to something, let them steal it?! She should have made them give the toy back so they learn not to take things that don't belong to them. Yes it can be hard sometimes, but that's parenting. Contact her and say you want it back as your child is missing it.

My DC would be distraught if one of their play mates took something of theirs home, they would have been most vocal about it as the child was being taken out of the house. I think you need to contact her and ask for it back, as your children will miss it.

Yes ask her to send it back. Your DC wants their toy back! How bizzare that she thinks thats normal.

Wow that is shit and she is setting her child up for huge disappointment when a) someone else insists they return the toy and b) when her child realises she can't have everything she bloody well wants.

I'd message her and say your child has been playing with the tea set and noticed that something was missing and wants it back for the set. I couldn't cope with not having a complete set anyway . Insist she sends the bloody thing back, just to prove a point that she can't walk out with whatever she wants!

So it isn't normal then! I'm very glad to hear it. My DC is OK about losing the cup, but looked confused. I'm not going to ask for it back, I think I'm just going to let our friendship drift. We live far enough away that it shouldn't be too difficult.

The OP says she's lovely. It happened today. She may well have every intention of posting it back, without needing to be told that she's a rude, awful parent etc.

I've count of the times a child has left clutching something to help get them into the car. I assume the parent will return it and they always do.

I trust my friends to generally do the right thing. She may well have a word with the DC on the way home. Are these very young kids?

Hardly worth losing a friend over without even giving her chance to put it right.

Yes, very young - just four. She has messaged to say they've had a nice day with no mention of the toy. You never know though, perhaps she will post it back. If she doesn't though, I'll let things drift.

She had a chance to 'put it right'. It was when she realised her child was taking the other's toy away. Instead, she laughed it off, and drove away. Didn't even say 'oh goodness, to spare 4 hours if screaming, could I safely post it back asap?'.

Really rude behaviour, I wouldn't 'lose the friendship' over it, but I would text or call saying 'can you post the toy back soon please? Would like the set back together, especially for next play date. Thank you'.

You describe her as a good friend and yet you're willing to let your friendship drift over a kid's tea cup?

She was strange to assume she could drive of with it and you were strange to let her.

My BF and I always used to let each other's DC take a toy home when they visited. They would keep it safe and bring it back next time. Seemed to keep them connected and made going home easier!

But it was mutual and agreed. We never thought of it as stealing.

You're right Mrs G. Had she said that I would have said yes. she's a nursery nurse too, so I always think of her being an expert in these things, which is why I started to think I was expecting too much from my DC. I would be very firm that my DC give it back explaining that it belongs to someone else.

OP, you describe her as 'a good friend' and 'lovely.' If that's the case, and you forget the friendship/let it drift over this, say in two years down the line and your good friend asks you why you lost the friendship, you would say it's because her four year once took a cup home after a playdate? Seriously?

Why not just ask for the cup back instead?

We lived and worked together a few years ago. I suppose we were good friends and I still like her very much. Since we no longer live so close, we're not really good friends now. We've been making the effort as our DC are similar ages. I won't fall out with her, just drift away which will be easy due to distance.

Sometimes you have to let things go. Blimey, if I cut off friends due to different parenting techniques/ being mildly affronted at something I'd have none left! It's not like it was your DC's favourite teddy... It's a plastic cup!