Not feeding guests?

[ReginaFelangi]

Just wondering if I ABU.

Some friends are throwing a party. It's a big anniversary at a village hall and has been organised for months. They have lots of friends going. Most are having to travel quite a long distance and have booked hotels at £60+ for the night.

A few weeks back guests were told no drinks would be provided. Now it's clear they're not providing any food either.

I'm not really sure what the point is anymore. I would never arrange a party with no food or drinks! Do you think this is unreasonable?

So OP, when is the "party" and are you going and can we come and will you please update us?

SusieR they must have done! It was just so strange, I know I didn't imagine it, the bloke worked with my DH and he definitely said to my DH, see you tomorrow for the barbecue! The wife had rung and asked us to a barbecue! The thing is, as time went on and we were all sat there nursing a drink, it got toe curlingly embarrassing!

(At least I didn't feel obliged to invite them back to ours, and the new friendship stalled from that moment on!)

Parties with no food = student style parties that start after 9pm (or later, when the pubs chucked out, back in the days when they closed at 11). You might get a few bowls of dreadful crisps, or nuts, but mostly there was Booze. And because it was students, it was usually BYO and everyone shared, but even then the hosts would usually supply soft drinks/mixers.

Assuming these people aren't students then it's an appalling idea for a "party" where families and children are going to be, especially if it now starts around 7 and there is a Loud Band.

If I was invited to such a party, I wouldn't be going. And I'd withdraw the offer of free entertainment as well.

Parties with no food = student style parties that start after 9pm (or later, when the pubs chucked out, back in the days when they closed at 11). You might get a few bowls of dreadful crisps, or nuts, but mostly there was Booze. And because it was students, it was usually BYO and everyone shared, but even then the hosts would usually supply soft drinks/mixers.

Assuming these people aren't students then it's an appalling idea for a "party" where families and children are going to be, especially if it now starts around 7 and there is a Loud Band.

If I was invited to such a party, I wouldn't be going. And I'd withdraw the offer of free entertainment as well.

Damn fecking site! Sorry, it looked as though it hadn't posted.

Party is before the end of the month and as it stands we're still going as we're using it as an opportunity to see some other friends from the area the next day.

OH is thinking of standing down or requesting payment as we believe the Loud Band are being paid for and having their expenses covered.

So it's a gig? Be careful the band's expenses aren't being covered by the hostess extraordinaire selling tickets on the door.

Stand down. Fuck it.

Wow an awkward spot. You've kindly offered to be part of the entertainment at what you hoped would be a fabulous event and now you're under pressure as you know what little else the night has to rely on.

The answer is based on how good a friend they are to you...do you want to stand by them and support their poor decision making despite everything else OR if they're a REALLY good friend could you bite the bullet and say that they need put on food and free drinks etc.

Based on the details you've provided (such as inviting guests from across the country and telling them to eat beforehand, charging for drinks which they will buy at the supermarket in advance themselves and hoping for lots of bottles of champagne as gifts) I'd probably start to distance myself from the event and start now so they have time to replace your husband's 'slot'.

It's different if you were just a guest, you could stand at the back and leave quietly but you're part of the event now...you have my sympathy...sometimes you can be surprised and glad you made the effort...other times you wish you'd not bothered.

charging for drinks which they will buy at the supermarket in advance themselves

Not quite. It's a "bring your own drink" thing.

OH will handle what he wants to do now. And I won't be staying for any longer than is comfortable (our children will be getting tired by 8pm and the party doesn't start till 7:30pm!)

We didn't really want to waste the weekend so we're planning to do a day trip on the way up and visit friends the next day. Making the party a by-product of the weekend rather than the focus of it.

I was invited to a barbecue last month by a good friend. We've had him over for dinner / parties etc. a lot, and always paid for everything. This was his first time hosting.

All was fine until the day before when he put up a FB message suggesting a €10 - €15 donation per head from us! I rang and said I'd been prepared to drive 2 hours to get there, but I was disappointed that he wanted us to pay. He apologised and said he'd pay, but I told him it wasn't worth the petrol money, and I hoped he'd have a good time. No way was I going now!
We're still friends...he knows I tell it straight.

Regina - don't blame him.

Let us know what happens won't you?

It is such a shame people are so rude. One of my friends did someone's wedding favours - a sort of crafted basket with stuff in, she hand made them all - and then got asked to hand make a bunch of decorations, but when she mentioned even being paid for time and materials they were shocked. I don't know why people do this.

Regina I think at the very least your DH should get expenses if the loud band are getting paid plus expenses. At least this way you could make your hotel / travel costs back (and use the money to buy food)!

Not about food per se but one of the weirdest parties we've ever been to was DH's paternal grandparents 50th wedding anniversary last year. They are, shall we say, difficult people at the best of times so we were surprised they were doing a party but hey hum we all got dressed up, drove 40-odd miles and went. It was a lovely day in summer and loads of seating and food for the guests had been set up outside in the garden. DH's grandparents however spent the entire time inside and barely spoke to anyone other than to let them in and show them to the garden. It was utterly bizarre. I can only assume they wanted the gifts but didn't want to actually have to speak to anyone they'd invited.

The problem with bring your own drinks is they'll all be warm. Warm beer, warm white wine, warm G&T. No ice. F*ing miserable all round really.

Regina I'd consider you all leaving by 8.30 to be honest. Got to get the kids to bed.

Regina maybe your DH could throw in a few jokes about tight people.

Jeez. Even our student parties involved more effort and absinthe than this

Please tell us what happens, OP

A party with no food or drink. How much excitement can you take.

I would say that you have started to do events with your OH, you do a refreshments stand while he does his act then head to Costco and stock up on snacks to sell on the night!

Maybe it sill be a brilliant party through the sheer force of the party-throwers' personalities.

Don't laugh. You can't rule that out!

Agree this sounds like the sort of party I went to as a student where the party started late, you'd eaten beforehand and you brought a bottle.
Fair enough to advertise it as that sort of party from the start but people don't usually travel miles to those sorts of parties. I've been to "bring a dish" parties which can work well if you want a party but can't cater/ don't have the time or money for catering. I'm happy to travel to those but wouldn't usually travel long distance to those parties as they have been informal gatherings of friends/ local sports/ hobby groups in my experience.
If you expect people to travel miles to see you you should provide more than a hall. I probably wouldn't bother unless a close friend

I think this party could be brilliant but only if you take the piss. There has to be flagrant fla.ming

Getting a bit bored of the daily hourly Facebook status updates complaining about how "exhausting" party planning is.

Is she a bit thick? Rubbishing on about the stress of planning when she's made it plain she's done nothing more than booked the hall and blagged a few freebie performers?