Wearing white to a wedding.

[dilbert19912]

Is it bad etiquette for a guest to wear white at a wedding?
Bride is wearing an ivory dress.
I have chosen a white skirt but not sure now... thoughts on this anyone?

Phew, thanks littleprincess. Your white one sounds really pretty and once accessorised will be fine I reckon.

Surprised by some of the comments on this thread. Again, it is generally accepted that one does not wear white or a dress with a train to another woman's wedding. And I should know. Someone wore one of these to my wedding!!!!

Don't wear white to a wedding. I have a friend that does it every time and I just can never understand why.

I would't, theres so many other colours to chose from.

Your outfit does sound lovely though

I can't believe that people think wearing a white skirt as part of an otherwise coral outfit isn't OK!

Before I got married my brother asked me what colours his new girlfriend (who had not met any of the family) should avoid. I said I'd prefer it if she avoided white/cream. She opted for a white jacket. I can't remember what she was wearing underneath - all I saw was the jacket. It stands out in all the photos even now. My sister was absolutely steaming with rage and wouldn't speak to her. Way to impress your future in-laws (they subsequently married and divorced). There are so many other colours to choose - I don't understand why you would choose to buy a white skirt.

Do you know what, I might try both outfits on and let the bride choose (my cousin) that way at least I know I won't be upsetting her. Problem solved!

THB that sounds pretty selfish. You're putting the bride under pressure to say that it's ok for something that is clearly your favourite (and she may not want you to wear but feel obliged to agree to).

*TBH

I think a white skirt with a dark coloured top would be fine in certain circs.

My mum wore similar to my cousin's wedding and with the best will in the world, no one could have mistaken her for the willowy young bride.

Oriunda, I just don't get it. Were there other issues there? You say she was wearing a white jacket. This suggests that the clothing under the jacket wasn't white and not many brides wear a white jacket with something of a different colour underneath, so how was there any possibility of confusion? The bride and the groom are the centre of attention on the day. They are likely to be right smack bang in the middle of all the photos. The clothing the bride wears is usually very different from normal clothing, so how could a guest turning up in a white jacket or skirt get taken for the bride?

In the winter it is probably fairly unusual to wear a dress or jacket or skirt that's got a lot of white in . In the summer, lots and lots of women would naturally gravitate to something of a light hue. I just can't see the problem unless they choose something long/lacy/entirely white or cream.

Christ, who gives a fuck. I bet the bride isn't a virgin.

I'm sure many brides would and since it's their wedding day I'm sure people should be able to find another colour from the plethora that's available.

Think we've come a long way re. the virgin tradition but white is still the brides colour.

Gasp, I didn't say I was steaming (I wasn't - just a little bit puzzled as to why my brother would ring up specifically to ask what colours I'd prefer his gf to avoid, only for her to wear the very colour I'd said I'd prefer she not wear). My sister was annoyed though. A lot of the photos where she is featured are of her seated - with the pew in front so all you see is the white jacket. I can't remember what she wore underneath - but I do remember the white jacket!

No one would take a guest for a bride if they wore white - I just believe that - for one day - it's not asking too much to leave the colour to the bride.

I was joking cantbelieve , hence the winking smiley, but don't let that stop you having a rant at me. I have already shown the outfits to my sister and a friend (both of whom asked to see what I had ordered) and they have been okayed by them. I am one of the least selfish and demanding people who you are ever likely to meet. But you continue your rant at me. It's not like I'm going through hell at the moment or anything....

I didn't perceive the smiley face as an obvious "I didn't mean what I said". Anyone else?
If I've been a numpty and missed something obvious I apologise.
If you've already shown your outfit to family members you've no need to show your cousin. However, if you've shown your outfit to other family members I would query that this proves you doubt it's appropriateness.
I'm not a mind reader. I didn't know that you're going through "hell". No need to bite my head off, even if this is AIBU.
Talk to someone about your "hell"

You don't wear white to a wedding. Choose another colour.

I did doubt it's appropriateness for the simple fact I haven't been to a wedding as just a guest in years (bridesmaid at a few but didn't take note of what others wore) so I wasn't sure if white with patterning would be ok. As I said I have no intention of bothering the bride, she has more important things to do than meet with me to look at dresses. Plus people will no doubt be staring at me anyway as I have a feeding tube stuck to my face. I lack confidence since I nearly died in January, hate the way I look as I am covered in scars and I hate being stared at. I wanted some reassurance that the dresses were nice and I wouldn't stand out from that point of view.
I am trying to deal with my hell thanks, but being stuck in hospital again limits the help I can get, been waiting for 4 months for counselling for PTSD. Sorry I snapped, but I thought it was an obvious joke, clearly not.

It sounds like you've had a tough year LittleprincessinGOLDrocks, sorry to hear that. Your trauma/illness has clearly had a big impact on your life. If your confidence is down then you will want wear something you feel sure about.
I know it sounds picky to comment on the white dress with pattern. You mentioned blue accessories. But the thing is, at a first glance (e.g. later in day, balero off, you're not holding your bag) it will essentially look like a white dress even if it does have colour on it.
I speak from the perspective of someone who had person at my wedding wear a dress from the white dress or dress with a train category to my wedding. I know there are bigger problems in the world e.g. illness, famine, war etc. and so you could say I'm blowing things out of proportion to even notice or mention it. But the thing was, she was just really selfish. It made everyone talk about her and her dress all day. And it was my husband and I's wedding day (and my only turn to be the bride). I was honestly hurt.

I hope your stay in hospital doesn't have to be any longer than necessary and you can get support for what you've been through. Sorry for any upset caused.

It's ok. I'll probably opt for the blue splash print dress any way with the blue accessories for this wedding. That's if I go.

I have yet to RSVP (still have time to) and once I do I will stick to my decision. It is my confidence that's the issue, I feel like I will be polishing a turd and rolling it in diamonds IYKWIM?!

Littleprincess I hope you go, your year sounds like hell and worrying over a dress is not important. White or otherwise. Wear what feels most comfortable, you'll be in it all day

Now, onto dresses with trains - what the hell are they anyway?!

Never miss an excuse to get the glad rags on missus!
It'll be a chance to get away from the world of hospitals and appointments for the day. Go for as long as energy/health permits; service, reception, evening do. If you know others going that's great. If not, please don't let that put you off. Getting dolled up and getting out to a wedding is a lovely opportunity to celebrate one of the loveliest things in life.

Take care

I know you're both right, just self conscious. Hell is putting it mildly to be honest. I won't bore you with the details, but just think really crap.
I'm going with my sister (DH can't be there as we can't get childcare) who is totally fine with looking after me and is forever dragging me out for the afternoon. It's just being stared at bothers me.

Train, as in wedding dress train!