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60 replies

Anaffaquine · 30/07/2015 09:14

This is the situation. Eldest dd has been asked to be a flowergirl at my cousin's wedding. I realise they are tight for numbers but my younger dd hasn't been invited at all.
I haven't said anything but I do think it is odd to not invite one whilst including the other in the bridal party. My eldest can be a bit of a diva, the younger one is more reliable to be be well behaved so it isn't that they think she will be a nightmare. As, it seems, dd1 is going to be the only child, I also worry she will get fed up. If her sister was there they could play together and would be company for each other.
I have no issue with one being a flowergirl and one not but to not invite her at all seems unfair.
I realise that this being AIBU some will say I am wrong to question this at all- who they invite is their business but this is going to cause upset in my family. Older one has been looking forward to being a flowergirl for over a year. Younger one was looking forward to the party too.

OP posts:
stillnotjustamummy · 30/07/2015 16:25

It's unreasonable. Just tell the bride it's both or you can't come. If she kicks off then she isn't worth the bother!

Anaffaquine · 30/07/2015 16:29

Sorry for the typos, clearly not up to watching children in a park and typing!

OP posts:
LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 30/07/2015 16:38

I don't think they realise how difficult it is to find childcare for a little one, if it's overnight.
Not a great option to have you go and DH stay at home either.
I'd talk it through with them before you give your response, and see if that makes them realise.

EWAB · 30/07/2015 17:26

Honestly go with the elder one and enjoy day with your family. Your little one won't be any the wiser and will enjoy being with her dad. The bride and groom don't want children there and you will come over as precious. The elder one will be so caught up in the day her behaviour will be fine. It is only for a couple of days. Enjoy your daughter's starring role and be proud.

Jen1610 · 30/07/2015 17:33

You could make a little box of stuff for your eldest so she doesn't get bored. Sit it on the table for the meals as her favour. Put colouring book and pens. sticker book. bubbles. glowstick for the night, tiny little dolls, little cards with characters on. That will keep her entertained for the meal. The ceremony she will be fine and then she will be in quite a few pics after the ceremony that will keep her entertained and after the meal take her to the toilet and for a drink until the reception is ready to start then she will be up dancing. Honestly if she is the only child I doubt she will be bored as she'll have so much attention on her.

I'd contact your cousin just to let her know your dh won't make it as you have no sitter since you are nc with his family. She may well say just to brint her.

Do you not have any close friends who would take the little one over night?

Gottagetmoving · 30/07/2015 18:47

And if it is so much the bride and groom's special day and they can invite who they like, then surely they can invite two children if they like if circumstances mean it makes sense

Yes, IF they like,....IF it makes sense to THEM.

petalunicorn · 30/07/2015 20:36

I thought the bride was being totally unreasonable until I saw the not so much. The little one won't know/care and a toddler isn't going to make much difference to whether a nearly 5 year old has company or not. I think going with just dd1 if you have no childcare is fine.

Minicaters · 30/07/2015 23:18

So little one will still only be 1! I don't think it'll scar her for life then. DD1 might surprise you and be lovely on the day. Take her for a runaround outside at quiet points and take loads of sticker books, paper for noughts and crosses, bubbles, books etc etc. You know your child best but I really can't see a one year old's presence being the be-all and end-all to a 4 year old's behaviour. You will have to occupy her yourself somewhat, but that's got to be easier than occupying a one year old all day, surely?

I agree with others, just let the B&G know one of you won't be able to attend for childcare reasons, and crack on.

BackforGood · 30/07/2015 23:22

I too thought the bride was being totally unreasonable until I saw that the little one isn't going to notice, or feel she's missed out - at not yet 2.
From the OP, I assumed the little one was 6+, which would have been horrible.
I mean, I still think it's a bit odd, but your dd2 won't know anything about it unless you make it into a thing.

maddening · 30/07/2015 23:36

they can invite who they like but they have to understand that how they go about doing so will impact how many accept that invite.

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