A wedding one
Anaffaquine · 30/07/2015 09:14
This is the situation. Eldest dd has been asked to be a flowergirl at my cousin's wedding. I realise they are tight for numbers but my younger dd hasn't been invited at all.
I haven't said anything but I do think it is odd to not invite one whilst including the other in the bridal party. My eldest can be a bit of a diva, the younger one is more reliable to be be well behaved so it isn't that they think she will be a nightmare. As, it seems, dd1 is going to be the only child, I also worry she will get fed up. If her sister was there they could play together and would be company for each other.
I have no issue with one being a flowergirl and one not but to not invite her at all seems unfair.
I realise that this being AIBU some will say I am wrong to question this at all- who they invite is their business but this is going to cause upset in my family. Older one has been looking forward to being a flowergirl for over a year. Younger one was looking forward to the party too.
PurpleDaisies · 30/07/2015 09:19
Are they inviting any children? I'm guessing that they aren't and are only including the bridal party kids.
I can see why you're annoyed. Is there a grandparent or soneone who could take your youngest on a special day out somewhere on the day of the wedding?
DoloresLandingham · 30/07/2015 09:49
She's trying to have her cake and eat it; she wants a child-free wedding but with a cute little girl for a brief 'ahhhh' moment in the ceremony and for some pictures. She is probably hoping that your dilemma will lead you to bring your DD1 only for the ceremony and then take her away in the spirit of being fair to both of your DDs.
Minicaters · 30/07/2015 09:56
How old are they?
You are absolutely between a rock and a hard place. I wouldn't normally say this but I would be tempted to check that they meant to make one a flower girl and leave the other off the list completely, as that's, ahem, unusual.
I think your options are to decline the flowergirl on the basis that it's showing too much favouritism to one child, or one of you takes the flowergirl to the wedding while the other takes DD2 to Legoland that day or something. Unless DD2 is age 3 or under and too young to really understand, or you have childcare for her and can convince her that staying with granny or whoever is a really special treat. Could babysitters take her to the theatre or something?
TheVeryThing · 30/07/2015 09:57
I have no issue with not inviting children to weddings but this seems very mean-spirited.
To be honest, I can't imagine asking one little girl to be a flower girl and not asking her sister as well, let alone excluding her from the day entirely.
I think I would probably decline the invite for your elder dd - does she know about it?
LatinForTelly · 30/07/2015 10:00
You're not being unreasonable. How well do you get on with your cousin? Could you just explain the situation and ask if your other daughter could come too?
Otherwise I'd go with flowergirl-DD, just for the service and early part of reception and let my partner/DH do something fun with DD2.
Fwiw, I had only one of three siblings as a flowergirl for my wedding and I worried about the other two feeling left out. But they were, of course, invited and part of the day in general.
Minicaters · 30/07/2015 10:15
Actually pulling the only flowergirl out when she's been in the plans for a year would cause loads of family strife wouldn't it? Not sure I could do it. But depending on the age of DD2 I would spoil her rotten, and if it could be done including a grandparent or wider family in some way to reinforce that her extended family loves her too, so much the better.
Hoppinggreen · 30/07/2015 10:17
My DD was flower girl at a child free wedding for a close friend of mine.
It was a posh media types London do and bride didn't have children but is quite close to DD. I also have a DS but bride doesn't know him as well as she moved to London before he was born. Bride is asked to me about my t beforehand and I didn't have a problem with it. DH and DS occupied themselves during the day and came for the evening do.
Dd had an absolutely fabulous time, as did the rest of us. I agree that it might have been harder if DS was a girl as well or had been old enough to understand what was going on ( he was 4).
It's up to you op really, if you don't want to go then don't
DoloresLandingham · 30/07/2015 11:07
I was quite harsh on the bride upthread (suggesting that she wanted a child-free wedding with a cute kid for a photo opp) but there is a more charitable interpretation: perhaps, having made the flower girl offer over a year ago, she has since decided on a child-free wedding and (quite rightly) doesn't feel that she can renege on the flower girl arrangement.
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