Intimidating behaviour by other parent to DS

[Petetheplumber]

Looking for help. DS is 7, and was changing after Swimming Lessons. There are two sisters, same age. he knows well from school (he's moving schools shortly), also in the same swimming lesson, they often talk and lark around with him. This time they were in adjacent cubicles. Wife leaves him to deal with younger DS outside, she left him mostly dressed just finishing off. I arrive outside.

We hear a commotion after several minutes to discover a scared son, and angry other dad.

According to son - who I believe - the girls wouldn't let him concentrate on finishing getting changed so he tried to get them to stop talking at him - getting nowhere he tried to carry the conversation further by looking under/over the cubicle wall. The Dad walked in on this and erupted. According to witnesses he intimidated my son - who we later discovered wet his trousers - unfortunately we found out too late to stop this intimidation. My son has a happy and innocent nature, making friends with other children easily.

The dad is African and comes across as very strict - unlike other parents his body language is unapproachable and unfriendly since starting the class - and staff confided in us they have had other problems with him. He gives the impression he doesn't want to be there.

It wasn't possible to have a reasoned conversation parent-parent with this man, who clearly was suggesting my son was a voyeur. Not sure what to do next? - there is a 4 week break before the next class - I will be in the changing room next time without doubt

Any ideas on what to do next? Many thanks for anything...

Thanks everyone for the replies :)
Logging off now.

I used to teach 7 year olds and they are not always that innocent. It's the age of curiosity and watching each other changing is not unusual.

Curiosity not perversion!

He was a perfectly normal 7 year-old and the father's reaction was ridiculous.

I find most 7 year olds are curious and innocent.

One doesn't have to cancel out the other.

I don't think the father was being ridiculous I think he was being protective of his children.

Awade To the extent of making a 7year old wet himself? Sure the behaviour may have been curiosity inappropriate but there's also an appropriate way to deal with it and that does not include getting in a 7 year old's face to extent he soils himself. The appropriate thing to do would have been to explain what happen to the OP and give him a chance to explain to his DS.

YABU. Your son shouldn't have been peeping over/under the cubicle wall while they were getting changed, he needs to know this was wrong even if his reasons for doing it were very innocent. I'm not surprised the other dad was annoyed and gave him a telling-off. What if other people were getting changed in cubicles nearby and noticed your son's head appearing over/under the wall? It's an invasion of everyone's privacy and he should know better than to behave like this is a public changing room.

Since you didn't witness the telling-off, I don't think it's fair to judge whether the other dad was overly-intimidating or not. Sometimes children wet themselves because they've put off going to the toilet for too long, so even a mild shock can cause them to loose bladder control.

I suggest you explain to your son why he mustn't peer over/under cubicle walls. He will get over being told-off. Explain the other dad lost his temper a bit but don't make a big deal out of it.

As Lilac said there might have been another reason why he soiled himself. Also I'm sure that the OP's son is going to try and minimize his part in it and maximize the unreasonableness of the adult.
What the OP's son did is a massive invasion of someones privacy and I can see why the father was short with him. I bet he won't do it again.

Can I just say really clearly to the OP that the issue with what your son did was not "how it looks". Don't give him this message. The issue was with what he did.
So what if he had innocent intentions, so what if the girls were being silly? None of that is relevant to the point that your son needs to learn, which is that privacy is something that you are not allowed to steal from someone, no matter for what reason. It isn't "because it might look sexual". It is wrong to invade privacy. The End.

He needs to learn this and you mustn't be mealy mouthed about nonsense like, "some people might think...." It is just wrong to peep over walls that have been designed to protect privacy.

One thing that we have a huge problem with in society, usually relating to women's boundaries being invaded, is that people think their intentions matter. And that what they had in mind is the important thing. "It's ok, I just -" is something that gets said a lot. No, it's not ok