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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to stay in all day today

56 replies

flanjabelle · 27/07/2015 07:34

Dd 21mo hasn't slept properly for about three months (waking at least 3 times a night), and has had a run of tonsilitis, throat infections and other viruses. She is currently getting over tonsilitis again.

She didn't sleep much at all on Friday night, not much better Saturday night and by yesterday the a cumulative effect of long term sleep deprivation had me on my knees. I started to hallucinate and nearly blacked out in Tesco.

She slept better last night, only waking three times, but I'm exhausted. I would really like to sleep all day but I don't think that is possible.

Aibu to stay in today, just try to rest and recharge my batteries as much as possible, even though it will be really boring for her? I usually make sure she gets out to the park or something at least, and I feel really guilty about staying in. I'm just so so tired.

Any easy peasy toddler activities I can do for her? not messy as I just haven't got the energy to clean up after it.

To be honest I feel like I'm failing at this mothering thing. I love her so much, but she just never sleeps properly. if I could just get proper sleep I would be able to do so much more. As it is, I feel anxious and ill most of the time because I just never get enough sleep.

Dp works long hours and doesn't live with us, he helps as much as he can but most of the parenting is down to me.

OP posts:

cariadlet · 27/07/2015 07:38

Nothing at all wrong with staying in occasionally even if you're not tired. When you're exhausted then staying in and trying to rest is essential.

If dd is into imaginative play then hospitals is a great one when you're tired - you be the poorly patient lying in the hospital bed and she gets to bandage you up.

SewingAndCakes · 27/07/2015 07:38

Don't feel guilty. Stay in, relax and look after yourself too. Your not failing at being a parent, we all have difficult times and lack of sleep exacerbates this.

Stick the TV on, stay in your pyjamas and take it easy

Original poster

flanjabelle · 27/07/2015 07:43

Thanks for being lovely. I'm feeling quite tearful :( I didn't realise that being a mum would come with such a hefty dose of guilt thrown in. Guilt over everything, is she eating well enough? Having enough good experiences? Playing enough with other children? Developing well? Can I afford enough stuff for her? Blah blah blah. When I'm so tired this stuff just becomes so anxiety provoking it's awful.

I'm not depressed by the way, just very very tired.

OP posts:

ZetaPu · 27/07/2015 07:43

Nothing wrong with staying in but you might have a less demanding toddler if you get her out for a short while for a run around. Do you have a garden?
You might get more rest that way. If it doesn't make a difference, then forget it. Just relax at home.

MissJoMarch · 27/07/2015 07:46

CBeebies, milkshake on Ch5 - record and repeat.

Make a den from washing line / sofa cushions / kitchen table

Get all your tuppaware out and let her pretend cook with some Cheerios (won't be messy cause she'll eat them)

Play doh - make pretend pizzas

Cuddles and books

Rest up and take it easy for as many days as you can. Parenting isn't a race it's a marathon, a few days of too much TV and slumming around house in same PJ's isn't going to hurt her - I promise!

Original poster

flanjabelle · 27/07/2015 07:47

I haven't got a garden, but there is a park two minutes round the corner. I think you are right. she's one that needs to run around that's why I worry about it so much.

OP posts:

Totality22 · 27/07/2015 07:48

Sorry you are feeling fragile and I hope I'm not being mean here but seriously one day in isn't going to do anyone any harm.

I don't get the angst? It's quite common on here (I'm not just directing thus at you OP) for people to think that having a day in is somehow detrimental to their kids well being.

I have a day in every week [unless weather is good. Which it hardly ever is for a week on the trot] and my 2.6 year old is just fine with it.

Don't feel guilty!!!

Original poster

flanjabelle · 27/07/2015 07:48

Missjo that is a fantastically helpful post. Thank you for being the brains I am currently missing.

OP posts:

Original poster

flanjabelle · 27/07/2015 07:49

Total - I don't know. Logically I don't think it should harm her, but this fucking guilt makes me feel bad. I don't know where it comes from.

OP posts:

GiraffesAndButterflies · 27/07/2015 07:50

Make her a den. Initial effort but then you can encourage her to take all her other toys in there and play. Give her lunch in there. The rest of the day is what kids' TV is made for. Give yourself a break, screen time is not the devil (you sound the type to worry about it ) and you clearly need some rest.
Hope you feel better soon OP.

Rollermum · 27/07/2015 07:50

Don't feel bad at all! I'm pregnant and have been going out far less because of exhaustion and morning sickness. I think the odd day at home is fine.

Good things that my DD (22 months) can be distracted by:

drawing, just notepad and pencil or crayons, needs policing but isn't messy
she loves it if I build a little den out if blankets and the clothes horse / chairs
duplo / megabloks if you have them

Hope you get a rest soon. Can you nap when she does?

ZetaPu · 27/07/2015 07:51

And please don't worry.
As long as your dd has her basic needs of water, food, cleanliness and love & affection met, everything else is a bonus. Enjoy her

teacher54321 · 27/07/2015 07:52

I actually find it easier to be out the house when I'm exhausted with DS. I think it's the fresh air and the fact that he just makes SUCH a mess at home! I would probably take him to the park and then McDonald's for a happy meal and then home for a nice long nap do you have an insulated travel mug so you can take coffee to the park with you? The exhaustion sucks, I feel your pain!

FelixFelix · 27/07/2015 07:53

She will be fine staying in for one day! Don't feel bad about it if you're exhausted. Dd and I stayed in the majority of last week We will be again today as its peeing it down. CBeebies and playing with toys will be on the agenda today. Hope you manage to get some rest.

DoJo · 27/07/2015 07:58

I'm always surprised when people insist that children can't get tired unless they are outside - mental stimulation can be just as tiring for them (and mine is a real bundle of energy in general!). Playing games, doing something new, even arranging things in size order can all give their brains a work out, and if you keep giving them little jobs to do from room to room then they can easily get enough physical exercise to last for one day.

Original poster

flanjabelle · 27/07/2015 07:59

You lovely lot. Thanks for the reassurance. I'm doing breakfast now, then I'm going to jump in the shower and go from there. if it's not tipping it down then I will attempt a quick walk to the park, otherwise we will build a den as she would love that.

I feel better from just letting it out anyway so thanks for listening.

OP posts:

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 27/07/2015 08:00

Oh Lordy woman, a pyjama day is NOTHING to feel guilty about!

Let her have a super long bath with tons of toys

Make a den

Let her play with the Pots and pans or plastic dishes

But (imo) you might actually get more rest by giving her a run around the park then lunch for you both in a cafe or McDonald's then home for a long joint nap....rather then her driving you batshit crazy mad by being inside

Oh and any cleaning can wait for the day!!

306235388 · 27/07/2015 08:02

Dd is 4 and we are staying in because it's pissing down and quite frankly I cannot be arsed. Ds is getting a day out with his friends that Dd would love so I do feel guilty hence why I've agreed to making fairy cakes later. But ordinarily I wouldn't feel overly guilty.

Ideas to keep her occupied.....

Den building
Do you have a cardboard box? Let her decorate / make it in to what ever
Set her up with a teddy bears picnic
Toilet roll / kitchen roll attached to wall and small things to put through them eg Pom poms etc

EatDessertFirst · 27/07/2015 08:06

We had a PJ and Disney-overdose day yesterday. Everyone is so much more relaxed and well behaved so far this morning.

Do it for your own sanity. It won't damage your DD one bit.

for you.

Lolimax · 27/07/2015 08:12

Just a thought...who is looking after you? You do sound knackered tbh. It's ok to ask for help (I learnt the hard way). Is there someone who could have DD for a couple of hours for you to get your head down?
Also I agree, jama days rock. Den making, TV, and if all else fails I used to put mine in the bath early with toys and sit on the loo and sing. I can't do it with them now apparently as at 17 and 18 it's not the done thing :( but I remember how hard those toddler days were. X

ArriettyMatilda · 27/07/2015 08:18

I have similar feelings to you sometimes, the guilt was unexpected for me too. As someone else identified in my recent thread the exhaustion magnifies all those feelings www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/2421065-Play-at-home-and-outside-for-a-toddler

There are also some good ideas on that thread for indoor play, such as busy bags and boxes of sand indoors but they'd need a little preparation in advance. Maybe they'll be useful another day. There's a thread on chat talking about play baths, having a bath just to play in. You could sit and watch or even get in, bit like an indoor paddling pool.

Agree with pp about forgetting the cleaning for today. I do find it easier to get out sometimes but one day at home might be what you both need.

Finola1step · 27/07/2015 08:26

My ds broke up for the summer on Friday. Saturday we were out all afternoon at a BBQ but the weather was dreadful yesterday, so we stayed in. All day. He loved it. I let him have loads of screen time. He really loved it. And it made me realise how busy we have become. Will stay in all day more often, it does everyone good.

Rest up as much as you can.

GGabcd · 27/07/2015 08:33

Sometimes you just need a quiet day.

My six year old now asks for a quiet day after a very busy week. It's nice to just go slow, eat some things, play a few quiet games (does she do jigsaws yet?), watch some TV. It's good for both of you!

HemanOrSheRa · 27/07/2015 08:36

Absolutely nothing wrong with a low key at home day. I agree that dens are the way to go!

I used to 'play' a great game with DS when I was so exhausted I could no longer stay upright. I'd lie on the floor and pretend to be a train track/road/mountain whatever and DS would drive his cars/lorries etc over and around me. He absolutely loved it. Obviously I couldn't sleep but it was good to be able to lie down and close my eyes!

Get some rest. You sound absolutely wrung out and exhausted.

trollkonor · 27/07/2015 08:59

There's nothing wrong with staying in all day, we dd that yesterday. We laughed at the rain and watched movies. When they were younger it was easier to take them out for a little while rather than stay in, then put the tv on. It depends on the child, mine didnt really like crafts of drawing and an inside camp would end in carnage.

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