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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to stay in all day today

56 replies

flanjabelle · 27/07/2015 07:34

Dd 21mo hasn't slept properly for about three months (waking at least 3 times a night), and has had a run of tonsilitis, throat infections and other viruses. She is currently getting over tonsilitis again.

She didn't sleep much at all on Friday night, not much better Saturday night and by yesterday the a cumulative effect of long term sleep deprivation had me on my knees. I started to hallucinate and nearly blacked out in Tesco.

She slept better last night, only waking three times, but I'm exhausted. I would really like to sleep all day but I don't think that is possible.

Aibu to stay in today, just try to rest and recharge my batteries as much as possible, even though it will be really boring for her? I usually make sure she gets out to the park or something at least, and I feel really guilty about staying in. I'm just so so tired.

Any easy peasy toddler activities I can do for her? not messy as I just haven't got the energy to clean up after it.

To be honest I feel like I'm failing at this mothering thing. I love her so much, but she just never sleeps properly. if I could just get proper sleep I would be able to do so much more. As it is, I feel anxious and ill most of the time because I just never get enough sleep.

Dp works long hours and doesn't live with us, he helps as much as he can but most of the parenting is down to me.

OP posts:

Chunkymonkey79 · 27/07/2015 09:18

I agree getting out for a bit will help. Quick trip to the park to let her run about and let off some steam.

When you get home, get yourself in comfy lounge clothes, get all her favourite toys out and cebeebies on and relax all day

Dowser · 27/07/2015 09:23

Not surprised you are worn out. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

I'd hate to do those years again.

Definitely take it easy.

littlejohnnydory · 27/07/2015 09:35

We stay in at least 3 days a week! Put the telly on, it sounds like you both need some down time - any chance you can have a nap together this afternoon?

BrieAndChilli · 27/07/2015 09:38

It's the law in our house that every school holiday and half term we have a pj day, no one gets dressed and we watch films as mooch around at home. It started as ds1 has AS and I feel he benefits greatly from a wind down day after a term of school. It means he's got no demands on him at all like have to get dressed, go out etc and he is then actually better for the rest of the holidays then.

SewingAndCakes · 27/07/2015 09:41

See op, it's a unanimous YANBU!

It's great how you're getting all this support on AIBU, considering the usual type of responses on here. Hope this has assuaged your guilty feelings

Spartans · 27/07/2015 09:43

Don't feel bad. One day in the house isn't going to hurt anyone! We will probably do the same today. It's pissing it down, dd is still in bed, ds I watching Dora while I have a coffee. May not even dress him today.

Dd is kickboxing later but ds' class is tomorrow. We are out tomorrow and have been out everyday since Thursday.

Quite honestly during the holidays we have at least one day a week that is just chilling out. If it clears up later ds will go in the garden and that's it. Ds starts full time school in September and these days will be few and far between then.

BumWad · 27/07/2015 09:44

I don't understand why it's so bad staying in one day to be honest! Enjoy

Summergarden · 27/07/2015 09:44

Sorry you're having such a hard time of it. I found sleep deprivation a killer too, so sympathies on that and hope it improves soon.

When I opened your thread, I expected it to be a casual post by someone saying they fancy a lazy day at home as it's the school holidays. Me and my 2 DC are all still in our pyjamas and would love a lazy day at home if hadn't already made plans, there's no harm in that now and again even if you haven't got the excuse of sleep deprivation.

Just do the best you can, lots of good play ideas up thread. You're definiteky not being a bad mum though.

Original poster

flanjabelle · 27/07/2015 10:13

All family and friends work full time Monday to Friday so there isn't anyone I can ask during the week. Yesterday dp took over so I could get a bit of sleep in the day. The problem is that she always wants me when she is ill. The other problem is that in order to function I rely on coffee and that makes it nearly impossible for me to sleep in the day.

My dm is having dd for the night in a couple of weeks so dp can take me away for my birthday. at least I will get uninterrupted sleep for one night then!

I made a fort. She wasn't as impressed as I hoped. I think she is still feeling a bit poorly.

OP posts:

SewingAndCakes · 27/07/2015 10:14

Get in the fort yourself, with a nice coffee

Original poster

flanjabelle · 27/07/2015 10:19

I'm in the fort... That means I'm playing right?

thank you for all the support you lovely vipers.

A unanimous yanbu, who would have thought it!

OP posts:

4EverScottish · 27/07/2015 10:23

YANBU - put the tv on, do whatever you need to do to get through the day.

trollkonor · 27/07/2015 10:27

If you fell asleep in the fort that would also be playing. You did the last watch and are reating while she does the patrol.

ohtheholidays · 27/07/2015 10:30

Don't ever feel guilty for staying in with your little one.

You are doing an amazing job and you sound bloody exhausted bless you.

My first born DS didn't sleep through the night till he was over 2 years old and I was 7 months pregnant with his little brother.

His little brother came a month later so I had all of a few weeks of sleep before our second DS was born.

Oldest is 19 now and I can still remember being on my knees tired 17 years ago.

If you haven't already I'd have a word with your Dr/HV about LO not sleeping and getting poorly so often.

Not sleeping properly can really lower your immune system,it sounds like your poor little girl has got caught in a bit of a bad cycle bless her.

I hope she starts sleeping through for you real soon.

HemanOrSheRa · 27/07/2015 10:43

Yes, definitely playing if you're in the fort. Or it could be a cave and you could be a hibernating bear .

Aramynta · 27/07/2015 10:48

A 21 month old will certainly not be bored staying at home with mum! Me and the DCs spend at least two days out of the week just at home, watching crap TV, enjoying our wonderful home, playing or just all doing our own thing. There is nothing wrong with home days at all.

Don't be so hard on yourself OP

Mrsjayy · 27/07/2015 10:50

Omg stay home stick the tv on for her sounds horrific you poor thing you know its ok for children to not do much their day doesnt have to be filled with fun its fine give yourself a break.

Mrsjayy · 27/07/2015 10:52

I meant you collapsing i tescos sounds horrific not your baby,

Original poster

flanjabelle · 27/07/2015 11:04

Thanks again. The fort has now become somewhat of an obstacle course. She is climbing in the door on one side, climbing out onto the sofa, running round and squealing with laughter. Thank you so much for the idea. I am on the sofa, and she is doing dramatic hellos and goodbyes when she passes me as if she is returning from and going to war. it's adorable.

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 27/07/2015 11:09

She sounds lovely dramatic hellos and goodbyes would you consider a childminder maybe a day a week so you could get a break and a sleep

Original poster

flanjabelle · 27/07/2015 11:14

My dm is going to be cutting down her work hours and has said she will have dd for the morning one day a week, so that should help a lot.

Dd is utterly adorable. Demanding and hard work yes, but adorable. She is a very good girl, she just doesn't sleep very well.

At this point, most of the mums I know are having a second child. it's just not on the cards for me as I would just keel over I think!

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 27/07/2015 11:20

I have nearly 5 years between mine dd1 was hard going sometimes there was no way I was having a baby and a toddler at the same time.

Lolimax · 27/07/2015 16:27

I'm coming to play forts at your house far nicer than the day I've had!! Oh and I had 13 months between mine....not to be recommended! Chin up you're doing fab she sounds adorable!

eggyface · 27/07/2015 16:46

just wanted to send support and say maybe the end is in sight with sleep - once she clears these bugs and all the teeth are in it will make it much easier for you and her to get into a longer smoother sleep habit. My DS is similar age and we can have 2 months of bad sleep but then it gets better and better between times. I'm not on my own tho which makes a massive difference. take care and hang in there xx

Rosieliveson · 27/07/2015 16:56

I hope you have had a lovely, relaxing day. My DS is almost 2 and we have indoor days at least once a week with just a walk for some fresh air. Weather permitting.
I get the washing up bowl full of soapy water and he stands on a chair and washes his toys. He sometimes has a bath with every single toy in the house. He even enjoys being given a cloth and water spray and 'cleaning' the kitchen cupboards!
We have quite a lot of puzzles and toddled jigsaws but we also get huge pieces of paper and stick stickers all over it. He also enjoys threading pasta tubes onto laces and other 'crafty' type things.
I never feel guilty so long as he has some fresh air.

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