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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish that I could find some like minded female friends?

29 replies

ApignamedJasper · 26/07/2015 20:32

I'm a bit of a tomboy, always have been although I like some girly stuff too.

A lot of the things I'm into are traditionally more 'man things' and therefore all the people I know that do them/are interested in them are men. Not that I mind being friends with men, I quite like it in fact but sometimes I wish I had another woman to get a different perspective on some of the stuff I really enjoy.

I don't have a lot of friends anyway and the ones I do have are either female and not interested in the stuff I like, so we don't have that much to talk about, or are men who like the stuff I like but not a combination of the two :(

OP posts:
andyourlittledogtoo · 26/07/2015 20:38

What sort of stuff are you into OP?! Smile

Ladymoods · 26/07/2015 20:40

Good luck with this, I once suggested on here that a lot of my tastes are quite male and I was hung from the rafters.

Wishful80sMontage · 26/07/2015 20:41

Have you thought about going to a meet up group for one of your interests? I know what you mean though I have friends from school/work and mummy friends but I'd love someone I could share some of my random interests with I love old movies and analysing them but have no one to chat about it with so I toyed with the idea of joining a film and book club but haven't been brave enough yet!

eaiand2 · 26/07/2015 20:46

Making a post like this without sayng specifically the things you're into that you can't find female friends into as well is rather silly, surely. What are you into? I'm sure some mums on mn are into the same things.

As an aside, I hate the term tomboy. I was called a tomboy growing up, but looking back always into all sort of things, girly or boyish, and that term tomboy needs to die a death because of the implication that some games, toys, sports, interests are for 'boys' and as a mum of a girl I want her to know that she can like anything she wants to, take up any hobby she wants to, and not feel boxed in as a girl or labelled a boy wannabe. I feel likewise about boys being boxed in and taught that certain things are girly and it makes them shy away from things they otherwise kit have loved Sad

EatDessertFirst · 26/07/2015 20:52

I know how you feel OP. I've only just found a group of female friends that I actually click with (I'm an introvert) and I'm 30-something. They are all school run mums but we socialise without the kids (who all also get on really well).
I had horrible housemates at uni, who used me for money and lifts. I always swore I would avoid groups of women like the plague to prevent the same happening again. But our group is lovely. We all do each other favours but noone keeps count of who owes who what. We all enjoy some of the same activities.

Going to clubs/joining events that you enjoy sounds like a great way of making like-minded people.

SrAssumpta · 26/07/2015 20:54

I don't think as adults the things we're "into" really matters much at all when it comes to friendships. Mindset, sense of humour and outlook matter a lot more in my experience.

museumum · 26/07/2015 20:55

Most mainly make sports or hobbies have some clubs/events for women only. I mountain bike, mostly in mixed groups which in reality means mostly men but I've made some great female mtb friends in a women's cycling club at at women only races.

Theycallmemellowjello · 26/07/2015 21:10

Do you want to meet friends who are also interested in your hobbies? If so, I think meet up groups/clubs are the way to go - even if they're majority male you can target the females for a chat. Or if you're not bothered about shared hobbies, ask friends to bring along a friend when you do stuff - I've made new friends that way.

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 26/07/2015 21:25

Hehe, nothing too weird littledog, stuff like motorcycling and martial arts! I've started going to some martial arts classes and I love it but it's all men!

OP posts:
Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 27/07/2015 18:02

Case in point, on a motorcycling group on facebook - all the blokes are arguing with each other over whose bike is the fastest and whose bike has the most cc's and not a woman to be seen :( I don't care how fast I go I just love to ride and would like to find friends who feel the same way I can talk about it with!

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andyourlittledogtoo · 27/07/2015 18:40

Aww OP I sympathise. Must admit, I am not into the same things and can't think of any female friends who are.. Have you tried searching Facebook groups, adding / looking for a group on meetup, etc??

andyourlittledogtoo · 27/07/2015 18:42

You could even start a very general Facebook / meetup / whatever page, group or blog? Sure there are others who feel the same and would love to join forces!

Nolim · 27/07/2015 18:47

I feel your pain op.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 27/07/2015 18:56

Check out the Curvy Riders if you want an all-female MCC. They don't have groups in all parts of the UK but there might be one near you. I think there's also a group called Lippy Ladies, but their grammar crimes mean I can't look at their website.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 27/07/2015 18:58

Also Maria Costello has a FB group, it used to be called Woman on a Motorcycle - lots of all female meet ups and ride outs are organised on that page.

bluesbaby · 27/07/2015 19:05

You might have to do some "friend dating" and get out there. Beware... It has pitfalls just like romantic dating! Met some nutty girls along the way. Never did find a female partner for my sport.

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 27/07/2015 21:45

What's 'friend dating' bluesbaby? I would quite happily search for friends but will I look really tragic?

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roland83 · 27/07/2015 21:55

I found loads of similar minded girls when I started snowboarding, lost touch over the last few years though.

I'm also into motorbikes, diving, mountain biking, have a degree in construction and love Lego! I'm very logical in a lot of ways and run my own graphic design business.

I unfortunately find a lot of female friends a bit too full on and therefore end up with male friends, so I too feel your pain.

I'm also quite introvert in some ways and my boyfriend likes shopping more than me! Lol.

roland83 · 27/07/2015 21:57

Missed out martial arts, been a while though, but I used to do Shotokan karate to brown belt grade. A long time ago now though!

Are you me?

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 27/07/2015 22:23

Ooh I'd like to try snowboarding but it's too expensive for me at the moment.

I'm starting a science degree in September :D

I hate shopping, especially for clothes I just end up depressed when I can't find what I like (not into 'fashion' at all).

I'm doing a mixture of martial arts at the moment, the gym I've joined does mma, muay Thai, Krav Maga and Brazilian Jiu jitsu so I'm doing a bit of everything. Only been going a month but it's really good fun and makes me feel strong and powerful.

I don't think I am Roland but we sound quite similar!

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lampygirl · 27/07/2015 22:30

I feel your pain OP. I can't remember the last time I did anything where girls outnumbered boys. I play in a womens ice hockey team, so that is about as close as it gets, but not many of the team are local in terms of popping to the pub on a sunday afternoon type thing.

I dislike traditionally girly hobbies (no offence intended to anyone) such as shopping, clubbing etc and prefer golf/skiing/fixing my bike/washing my car. Meh, I'm happy, but I wont be having a hen do...

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 28/07/2015 07:36

OK, so you didn't want suggestions of where to find lady motorcyclists. Sorry for cluttering up the thread.

Trills · 28/07/2015 08:01

Are you looking for suggestions of where to find non-activity-specific friends?

It sounded as if you were dismissing your existing female friends because they are not "into" the same things as you.

I agree with SrAssumpta that most of my friends as adults do not share my hobbies, we talk about generic life things that apply to everyone. They don't have any interest in my latest sci-fi discovery, and when they mention their latest 10k I can say "well done" and we move on.

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 28/07/2015 09:05

No seaagain, I'm happy to have recommendations, I don't know where to start most of the time so it definately helps :)

Trills, I would like more friends in general. I don't have many, all the friends I do have are through DP so in a way I feel like they only socialise with me because of him and we never do things together without him.

I would just like to have some friends, preferably female, that I could do things with and talk about my interests with. The female friends I have via DP have no interest in bikes or martial arts, don't read books, like different movies etc etc. I'm happy to have friends that don't share my interests but it would be really nice if I could have some that do too!

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