Aibu not to know what's right in this situation (warning:sad)

[Octopuses]

A woman knocks on her neighbour's door to retrieve a parcel. Neighbour has just had a baby. Neighbour asks how she is feeling, knowing woman was 5 months pregnant and having lots of sickness. Woman says she has lost the baby. Neighbour begins to cry and say she's sorry. The women are not close friends.

Is it strange that the neighbour cried? How would you feel if this was you? Won't say which party I am just yet.

(Ps, mnhq, please amend my warning if it is insufficient)

In NI there is an annual remembrance service for any one who has lost a baby, before or after their due date. There is a book of remembrance which my mum used to do calligraphy for (she also knits wee robes for pre term babies- she lost 5). At the service she was there to take details from anyone who wanted their baby included in the book and she was inundated with requests. Some from more recently bereaved parents, but the vast majority from women who had lost children as far back as the 1950's.

The pain and grief was still there many years after and most women were glad that finally there was some concrete way to acknowledge their loss, and to acknowledge their baby, as so many people had favoured a kind of 'least said soonest mended' strategy.

Definitely OP, flowers are a lovely gesture.

Eminado I'm so sorry.

I'm luck in that I've not had a miscarriage , however I remember being in tears when DD was 3 weeks ols and Princess Diana died

Emotions are all over place after a baby is born

A hug, and being a friend is surely what's needed in this situation

TBH I would be quite suprised if a woman who had just had a baby didn't burst into tears in these circumstances. Most people would have held back the tears but most pregnant/postpartum mothers can't.

I tried so hard not to cry I swear but I couldn't stop the tears coming.

I sobbed for ages when I heard my secretary's baby had died when my pfb was 3 days old. No one told me I kept asking about her baby but dh fudged answering until he couldn't fib any more. We weren't close but had parallel pregnancies she was younger than me and had San easier pregnancy but something went wrong at the birth.

Not a strange or unwelcome reaction at all, I'd imagine. Some flowers would be a lovely gesture.

Congratulations on your new baby.

I've taken the family some flowers and they were really happy and the mum hugged me. Thanks for everything on this thread, really was a big help.

So lovely of you, will have meant so much to them

Aw, I'm emotional again,

When had 3 MMC my family didn't acknowledge, my now ex didn't acknowledge it, and I thought I wasn't supposed to be sad. Only when my only friend at the time was kind to me did I realise it was a thing I was allowed to be sad over. In fairness, the 2nd one almost killed me, so relief at living overtook disappointment/grief.

Your kindness will be something she remembers forever. You did a good thing love. for you

I was the lady who lost her baby at 5/6 months. Your response would have been very appropriate, you haven't embarrassed yourself, it is just such a fucking sad thing to happen....

It was the response of people who I didn't know, or friends of friends who responded in a way I could never have imagined, that really stood out for me. I bet she will never forget how you reacted and it would have helped in some small measure to have recognition of how sad she must be feeling.

That was kind of you, Octopus. I lost my baby at term and if you'd have been my neighbour, I would have been ok with you crying. It's a sad, shit thing to happen, and downplaying it makes it worse.

Perfectly normal. Your hormones are all over the place. Ive never been lucky enough to be pregnant (still hopeful) but certain times of the month i could cry for england. If silly me no babies can cry over the dogs trust poster in morrisons you can certainly cry re miscarriage having just had a baby. I bet your neighbour understands. You both human. Please look after yourself and dont worry. Sounds like both your neighbour and you need

Forgot to say op congratulations xxx

Nothing wrong with crying, you've got hormones a plenty plus sympathising. The only time it's an issue when someone cries over that kind of news is when hey are known to always be attention seeking and jumping on someone elses grief- nothing like you.

I had a miscarriage, I would have been touched by your sympathy. Much better then some I've had who were so very insensitive and yet friends.

I think that is really sweet and would of felt comforted by the neighbour. It's nice when people see things from your shoes

You felt her painful loss in the moment and I suspect she appreciates that, sometimes you don't want a platitude or an awkward desperation to get away.
You shared that you care that her baby was lost-and it probably helped her a little bit.

I am welling up just reading this thread.

My youngest is almost 11 so no baby hormones either.

Your reaction was lovely - not something to apologise for. Trust me there'll be enough people saying it wasn't a real baby etc. I know posters have already said that so I'm not saying anything new - just wanted to reiterate it.

This might be the start of a closer friendship, OP?
to all who have lost their babies.

I don't think it strange the neighbour cried it could have reminded her of a personal experience. I cried when I heard a friend from school who I haven't seen for years sadly had a stillborn baby. I couldn't control it I just read the text and burst into tears. Regardless of who it happens to this is sad enough to cause tears.

Thanks for the congrats everyone my baby is so precious and I can't imagine the grief of losing a child :( im so sorry for those of you who have mentioned that you have. :( thanks for all your kind reassurance everyone I'm crying again reading the messages.

its a very human and natural reaction OP, don't worry about it

oh bloody hell im crying now