Aibu not to know what's right in this situation (warning:sad)

[Octopuses]

A woman knocks on her neighbour's door to retrieve a parcel. Neighbour has just had a baby. Neighbour asks how she is feeling, knowing woman was 5 months pregnant and having lots of sickness. Woman says she has lost the baby. Neighbour begins to cry and say she's sorry. The women are not close friends.

Is it strange that the neighbour cried? How would you feel if this was you? Won't say which party I am just yet.

(Ps, mnhq, please amend my warning if it is insufficient)

Please take her flowers (or whaterver u can)

I have just miscarried and am in desperate need of empathy and avknowledgement of my loss.

"I would have thought to myself how real your reaction was and would have truly appreciated it.
When we had our MMC no one gave a shit so for someone to have done that to me I would have found that so lovely for them to confirm I had a right to be as utterly devastated as I was. "

What truejay said. X 1 billion.

I cried when I read in the obituaries of the local paper that a very ex ( think 15 yr plus) boyfriend had had a still born son . I've never seen him since and I doubt either of us have ever thought about the other one in those years .

It's a natural reaction to someone else's grief and I'm sure your neighbour doesn't think you are a crazy . She could be pleased ( in a strange sense) that someone has acknowledged her baby as many people ignore miscarriages and the grief attached .

OP, possibly the reason for your uncertainty is that you're afraid that by crying you made it all about you. I'm sure you didn't - but I still think the flowers would be a lovely follow up, to show you haven't just shrugged your shoulders and gone 'oh well....' when the door was closed.

emin

I wish I could send you the real sort and hope you are doing as well as you can in the circumstances

Eminado, I am so sorry you lost your baby.

I recently welled up when a friend of dd's mum told me her dad had died the previous night. It brought back how I felt the morning after my mum passed away, but I was also incredibly sad for her as he'd been ill for some time. I felt silly, but I hope she understood.

I would say the neighbour was highly hormonal and would not be able to stop herself cryying over anything sad and baby related.

I think it's a normal reaction especially as you have also recently had a baby yourself.

I heard this week that a friend (friend as in known for 5/6 years, socialise in groups but not close friends) 6 week old has died from SIDS, I cried when I heard and have been pretty tearful since!

I just feel heartbroken for her, can't even begin to imagine how she and her family are feeling and I look at my 9 month old and I'm just so thankful to have her.

Eminado I'm so sorry you have lost your baby, it's a truly horrible thing to experience no matter how far along you are.

All of the insensitive choruses of "oh at least it wasn't a real baby" "well you know you can get pregnant now" "it's been two weeks now, can't you just get over it" we don't want to hear that.

You have absolutely every right to sob your heart out, you have lost a baby and the dream that went along with that, the milestones and preparations. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for grieving and if they do just remove yourself from the situation.

I hope you are recovering well physically and wish you the best in your emotional recovery, I still sometimes cry now when I think of that little two year old that should be running around the house causing mayhem.

I definitely recommended doing something to mark your baby's life, plant a tree, release a balloon etc
Also the miscarriage/pregnancy loss section on hear was brilliant for me, lots of support and understanding so may be worth a visit.

*here

People generally don't talk about miscarriage and it could be hearing about the loss just brought out her hidden emotions.

To be honest every time I hear about a loss it does make me cry, I do try and hide it but sometimes it just isn't possible.

So sorry to read the sad stories on here. You have my sincerest condolences, it's unimaginable.

Thanks so much for the encouragement all.

That's be me too.

When DD was only a few months old I had her cuddled up asleep on me while I watched Extreme Makeover Home Edition. This episode was in a small town that had been devestated by a hurricane. Several families had lost children and one mother told how she had her two children in her arms as her house was torn apart around them, the children were torn from her arms too - she just couldn't hold on anymore. I sobbed for hours and then cried every time I thought about it for days afterwards. I just welled up now typing it! I would have responded the same as you if I had been faced with someone who'd just had such a sad loss, no matter how vaguely I knew them. I think I'd still react the same now. for your neighbour and everyone on this thread who has suffered losses.

Oh my god purple unimaginable, that poor woman.

It was awful. They rebuilt seven homes in that episode and created a beautiful memorial garden for the community. Just devastating.

Yeh I would have cried. Anyone who's lost a baby themselves and are still sensitive about it, it could trigger them. I'd like to maybe leave something on their doorstep for them, a small food parcel, card, flowers, something, anything, as a symbol of empathy.

Eminado, here's a huge hug from me. I'm so sorry.

I would have cried too ... I'm actually weeping now just thinking about it.

Congratulations on your newborn OP. Some flowers for your neighbour sounds a lovely thought.

for those here who have experienced such awful heartache too.

OP, I'm crying at this thread and my DD is nearly 8 mo, (I miscarried my first very early) so YANBU and flowers are a lovely idea.

to those of you who have lost a baby.

So sorry to hear of all your losses :( I haven't ever experienced it first hand but my mum lost a child and it was awful as a family to go through :(

When my ds was a newborn, I cried at even the THOUGHT of a baby dying, born or unborn. I would have been you OP.
Send her some flowers or a card.