Aibu not to know what's right in this situation (warning:sad)

[Octopuses]

A woman knocks on her neighbour's door to retrieve a parcel. Neighbour has just had a baby. Neighbour asks how she is feeling, knowing woman was 5 months pregnant and having lots of sickness. Woman says she has lost the baby. Neighbour begins to cry and say she's sorry. The women are not close friends.

Is it strange that the neighbour cried? How would you feel if this was you? Won't say which party I am just yet.

(Ps, mnhq, please amend my warning if it is insufficient)

I cry at sad things I hear on the news, in film etc. Can't see anything wrong in it. 5 months is pretty far along to lose a baby and considering neighbour had just had a baby herself I would say it's a normal reaction.

Tbh someone once cried when I had something bad going on for me (not relevant but pregnancy related ) and I was truly moved. I felt like even though we weren't close, she understood my hurt and it hurt her to understand iyswim. She rushed off and felt like she had embarrassed herself but I've never forgotten it and it moved me. Just shed a little tear there. for you and your neighbour xx

If you feel like you want to give flowers I would. I Don't think a kind act is ever wrong

So sorry to hear that Paula :(

I would say even if not close friends it would sadden me to hear a woman had suffered a miscarriage. If I knew someone well enough to know that they had been pregnant for some time and gone through the misery of morning sickness it would strike me as sadder still.

As you have your young baby perhaps you felt it all the more being hormonal. It was a reflex and not imo something you need apologise for, or embarrassing.

The flowers are a lovely thought.

oh love I would cry too! and my DS is nearly 10yo.

it's never wrong to show sadness for things as tragic as this. the flowers would be a lovely gesture i think.

I think flowers are a good idea.

I think flowers would be a lovely gesture - just a small simple bunch...

I worked with a lady when my twins were toddlers and she told me her baby had died of SIDS. I cried and we had a hug and I told her how sad I was for her, she said she appreciated my feelings of sadness for her. I don't see why showing empathy for another person should be embarrassing. The flowers are a nice thought. for you both.

When I had my children I would get very emotional about anything bad happening to babies and children. I'm not like this at all normally and it was probably hormones and the desire to protect. I would say what the neighbour did was very understandable in the circumstances.

Neighbour has just had a baby and woman has lost hers. I think the hormone rush would bring on tears, however hard you try to control them. Usually I'd say people should try very hard not to cry at another person's sad news, as they should be offering support, not needing it themselves, but in that situation it's unlikely to be within her control. Baby hormones are so powerful. Sorry for the loss of the child. That is so sad.

I think it would be lovely of you to give some flowers.

When my DH died very suddenly a woman that Im friendly with but don't know very well came over with some flowers and biscuits and although she'd tried her best to control it, she was properly sobbing. She was very apologetic about it, but she really didn't need to be. I thought it was nice that she was compassionate enough to be so upset about something that didn't affect her, and it was nice that people recognised how awful it was and were feeling it on my behalf. It actually really helped, so from my perspective, I think you did a nice thing.

Your hormones will still be all over. Don't beat yourself up. I'm sure she appreciated your empathic response.

I have tears in my eyes. I am over empathetic and over emotional. Yes, drop round some flowers and let her know you are there if she needs you. Some people may like to leave it and not share their emotions but some might want to talk, follow her lead.

I think flowers would be a really lovely gesture. People often don't know what to do in situations of grief/death so do nothing which is hard on the person dealing with it, she'll be touched to know she's being thought of at such a sad time. Congratulations on your newborn too :-)

I lost a baby at five months and I would not mind at all someone crying when I told them. It IS sad. I would appreciate that they cared.

so so sorry for your loss ptolemys and Humphrey

Thanks for all the replies. Reassuring though I know I'm not the one who requires the support in this situation.

I Don't think a kind act is ever wrong

I agree with this and I'm sure your neighbour would appreciate the gesture.

I'm welling up at this thread, but mainly because of how kind the OP and other posters are being. and and for you both.

I went through something similar. A woman I went to toddler group with and I were pregnant at the same time. We were due 3 days apart and had been sharing our experiences and talking excitedly about out pregnancies.

2 weeks before my due date I found out hers had died. I had very mixed emotions. On the day that would have been her due date (and mine being 5 days old) I sobbed and sobbed for her. Definitely hormone related and the fact that she should have been enjoying her newborn and couldn't and I was with my baby.

We all clubbed together and sent her flowers. It was awful when I took my DD to toddler group for the first time, everyone was excited to have baby cuddles and then she came in. I felt awful and didn't know what to say. Everyone went quiet and just look between us. I let her lead and she did sit next to me and look at me DD (I was just keeping out of her way so it didnt feel like i was being insensitive) and did congratulate me which I thought was amazing tbh. I don't think I would have been able to do the same.

Hormones send you crazy and mix in thoughts of what have could have been, people can't help getting upset over things like this. Flowers sound like a lovely idea.,

I would have thought to myself how real your reaction was and would have truly appreciated it.
When we had our MMC no one gave a shit so for someone to have done that to me I would have found that so lovely for them to confirm I had a right to be as utterly devastated as I was.
The flowers are a lovely idea op and I'm sure she would like them.
So sorry for the lady's loss but one thing I must say is please don't feel bad for having your baby or that she won't want to see it, not that you do, but it was awful everyone assuming I was jealous/hateful towards other mum's, I wasn't in the slightest and went to meet my close friends newborn two weeks later.

Congratulations on your newborn

I also think you sound kind and hormonal. My daughter is 11 months and I still feel weepy hearing sad news about babirs or small kids. Can't watch films or shows where little kids might be in any danger. I find it too distressing. I was not like this before.

It's ok. After I had DD I couldn't watch anything even slightly emotive on tv. Send her a card and some small gift.x

I lost a baby at 6 months, and quite a few people who I didn't know very well cried when I told them. (They welled up a bit rather than all out sobbing.) By and large, they were parents who could probably empathise a bit more.

I was sent a bunch of flowers by a male colleague I barely knew, and found it a really lovely gesture. I later found out his wife was the same week along in her pregnancy as I was.
Those weeks were such a horrible blur and struggle to survive that any kind gesture was really appreciated

Now I'm crying too OP and I haven't even just had a baby!