To be depressed and upset about our cruel society, but know that there is bugger all I can do.

[ultrathule]

Recently I've been getting quite upset by the news, and especially by comment threads and chat boards where individuals express their opinions. It seems that there is so much hate, casual cruelty and lack of understanding of others misfortune around. I know intellectually that this is what life is like, and it isn't really worth getting upset about, but I can't help it. I am finding it all so overwhelming. I want to stop reading the paper, or looking at facebook, or opening certain threads, but at the same time I can't quite help myself.

I read about spikes put on ground to stop homeless people from sleeping under a bit of shelter. Then I read a comment thread where unfortunate destitute people are called scum. I read about people who lose their homes, who despite working all hours they can, still can't make ends meet, at the mercy of landlords who can evict at will. I read comment threads that call them benefit scroungers, and blame them for having children.
I read about people who will never have the lifestyle their parents enjoyed, despite doing everything "right" - going to university, studying, working hard, finding a vocation. The things that were normal to their parents (owning a home, not being in debt, having a pension), are out of their reach. Yet when they complain, they are called "entitled".
I read about people fleeing awful persecution, left to drown at sea. Or suffocating in the back of lorries. Or thrown into internment camps. Who are then blamed for trying to better their lives.
I hear about people who are exploited, then condemned for their own exploitation.

And the fact of these things is bad enough, but the attitude of so many people which seems to be "to hell with everyone else", is what upsets me the most. A old work colleague of mine, after losing her partner and being unable to continue in her job, suffering from mental illness, was left destitute by benefit sanctions (caused by letters being stolen from the dreadful hostel she'd been placed in after being evicted from her home). She's a normal person who has been destroyed by our so called "society", and now has been left on the scrap heap. I wrote about her, and the comments in response were to the effect: it is her own fault, why should we care?

What have we become?

Op yanbu. I get so depressed by what I hear on the news. It helps me to think in this way:
The world and human behaviour is not getting worse, history states it was worse in the past, it just doesn't seem as bad when you learn about people who lived centuries ago.
Because of the way media works today you instantly hear of the worst atrocities from around the world. Decades ago you would have learned about things days after the event, via newspaper reports, in much less vivid way.
As an individual you can't do a significant amount to change the badness in the world. Therefore you have to do the best you can for those people closest to you, to love and care for them for the best of your ability, and to make good your small part of the world.

To be honest, I find it more depressing that so many people set themselves up as moral guardians based on watching tv and reading internet sites. If they actually did something that was particularly noteworthy from a moral point of view, instead of just telling other people how supposedly superior their attitudes are, I'd find it a bit more credible.

I also find it depressing how many people are ready to write off others as evil, demonic, etc without bothering to get to know them or find out the true facts behind what they do.

Some people just spend far too much time on the internet.

YANBU. The human race seems to be driven by the need to put down and destroy others. The more people you trample on the more successful you are. Being nice to people is at best seen as weak and pathetic behaviour at worst some cynical con trick. The world is fucked.

OP YANBU, it is depressing, the world is a cruel place and everyone of us is capable of such evil acts without so much as a second thought of anyone else who might be hurt in the process. Even little everyday snipes can make huge damage over time. Unfortunately it is human nature to want to find someone to blame, to look out for your own interests, to justify any evil deed, to kick people when they're down etc.

It might be worth taking a regular break from news and social media including mumsnet, just to find some peace of mind again, gather some strength to face the world again.

Thanks for replying PtolemysNeedle. I don 't want to sidetrack the OP's thread, so will reply only briefly. Thanks for taking the time to explain for me. I do take your points, in general, that this is how some people genuinely think things will be better. The one point I do want to raise is the notion that all people have the option to better themselves/'do the right thing'.

Some do, of course - maybe even the majority - but it is in no way a level playing field. Some people are so damaged by, for example, early life difficulties, abuse, being born into poverty etc that they in no way are able to take advantage of opportunities that are available to others, eg those born into affluent middle class families who pour lots of resources into them, provide a good education, opportunities, inculcate attitudes that are likely to lead to academic/work success etc. I see this a lot in my work.

I really don't see the right wing/Tories addressing this effectively - or even acknowledging it in many cases - and in fact the currenr govt seems determined to remove what few supports vulnerable people do have. So it seems to be an ideology that is not only wilfully blind to the kind of disadvantages I've mentioned, but also one that actively disadvantages people further. That is what I, and I suspect some other left wingers, find so hard to stomach. Why aren't the right wing more psychologically/ socially aware?

flumptydumpty
Free nursery education for disadvantaged two year olds is a policy intended to tackle just that.

I'm not sure what government brought it in as I'm someone who works with young children more than being political but I think this government is increasing it to 30 hours
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-23919956
That's an old link but covers the gist of it, sorry on phone!!!

Why aren't the right wing more psychologically/ socially aware?

Simple. It's because, in general, they are millionaires. They've mostly started out with two empty hands, a phone book full of daddy's connections and a trust fund. However, because they've gone to public school where they have been drilled into thinking they are destined for high office, they still think they're qualified to tell poor people to be a bit more frugal with their £6.50 / hour.

For "left wing" types who are constantly baffled by the way "right wing" types think, this book is good amazon

It is by an american involved with the democrat side so a lot of it refers to democrat vs republican, but in terms of his explanations of how and why people think like that (conservative right wing ideas), in a way that means you actually start to understand even if you disagree, it's very good.

Yanbu. I find the news too depressing these days and the attitudes you refer to.

However I am cheered up by the fact that no one I know socially thinks like that and in my group of friends and people I meet through voluntary work there is so much generosity in the world.

I recommend you read 'the better angels of our nature' by Steven pinker, he makes a good case that the world is actually a better, kinder place than at any other time in history.

Flumpty, you are of course completely right that life isn't a level playing field and some people have far fewer opportunities than others and some have good reason to be unable to take advantage of opportunities they've had.

I can't speak for on behalf of all right wing people, but I'd have thought that all but the most small minded people could acknowledge that as being true. I think the differences come when people have different opinions on how valid the disadvantages you mention are as reasons to continue the problem into the next generation, and when they have different opinions on how some problems are dealt with.

I don't think it's true that right wingers don't acknowledge that these problems exist, they do acknowledge it, but maybe they lack an understanding of just how difficult it can be to break the cycle, and don't believe that disadvantaged is an excuse to turn to crime or anti social behavior or to bring numerous more children into detrimental situations.

The thing is that if you excuse people's negative life choices on the basis that they were born into disadvantage by effectively telling them it's ok to continue the situation with their own children, then the problem will only get bigger.

One of the biggest disagreements is over how much personal responsibility people should be expected to take for their own life choices. I can easily see that some people have significantly more difficulties in life than others, but some people believe that disadvantage should entitle people to a life doing what they want paid for by others, and other people believe that while disadvantage may make things more difficult and practical support should be available, it isn't a reason to absolve yourself of responsibility for your own life or those of children you choose to have.

Why aren't the right wing more psychologically/ socially aware?

That's a fair question, but it's equally valid to ask why aren't the left wing more psychologically and socially aware. One of the posts after your last proves how small minded some left wingers can be when it comes to people whose lives aren't just like their own, and it works equally both ways. I think there's plenty of left wingers that have the attitude displayed by that poster, where they just can't comprehend that many of life's disadvantages and difficulties aren't at all related to money, and that if someone with money does have problems then they don't really matter simply because they have money. It really isn't all about money anyway, and it's not true that all right wingers are minted thanks to trust funds from Daddy and private education.

Dora is absolutely correct that it is growth that is badly needed. Austerity can discourage growth very badly.

Well we've had austerity for a few years now, allied to decent growth.

YANBU. Detest this 'I'm alright, Jack' ethos that supports the horrendous idea that even while people are living in extreme poverty, it is perfectly defensible to waste spend ridiculous amounts of money on utterly ephemeral nonsense because somehow 'it's your right'.

OP, there is a lot you can do. For a start, stop watching TV news, and limit your news exposure via other media to reputable, non tabloid channels e.g. Radio 4 and a range of broadsheets. This doesn't mean you should stop being interested in news/current affairs but much TV and tabloid news is deliberately skewed towards sensationalism, and designed to stir up extreme emotional reactions.

Concentrate on an aspect of welfare - there is always a charity active in the field, whether it is domestic violence, food banks, homelessness etc. Get involved with a local charity and feel that you are doing something constructive and positive to help and assist.

Become politically aware - if there's legislation happening you dont' agree with, find out about it, write to your MP. Dont' just click on some awful e-petition. Get involved with local campaigns.

On a personal level, make an effort to post things that are not abusive but are positive and constructive, wherever you are on social media. Be the example of kindness and positivity that you would like to see more of. I forced myself to do this a couple of years ago, after a friend of mine was banned from MN after she fell for some particularly nasty goading. After that, I forced myself to post as much as possible things that were kind and didn't resort to ranting or ad hominem abuse. I haven't always succeeded but the exercise has been bloody good discipline and has really shifted my thinking.

waste spend ridiculous amounts of money on utterly ephemeral nonsense because somehow 'it's your right'.

And then, because ridiculous amounts of wealth have been concentrated, the competition to see who can outwaste whom becomes intense. Personally, I still think African warlords have the edge. But, city bankers and oligarchs are holding their own.

Extreme poverty? In the UK? What, like thousands of kids dying of starvation, rampant easily cured disease with no hope of treatment, no access to clean water. I've seen extreme poverty, and it isn't like anything we have here.

However, unless we get to grips with the dire economic position the country is in, and deal with our debt situation, we will become a third world economy. And then we'll know what extreme poverty is.

What has got me down is the absolute gloating coming from some people. Going on and on in public and on FB about how delighted they are that some people are struggling financially? going on about how they deserve to struggle more, spouting crap about how lazy anyone earning less than £x is. Especially when £x is over the HRT threshold and well above the national average wage. Like Dh's cousin going on about all the uneducated lazy cunts who earn less than him, how the entitled fuckers deserve to be homeless and their children shouldn't exist. He earns £65K, that is me he's talking about. I'm especially sensitive because I have reached the point I feel I can't take on any more (please don't flame me for being lazy) yet will never earn anywhere near that. Why does this mean I'm lazy?

Have you said to him "that is me you are talking about" or is it clear that he knows it is including you.

Do you have to see him? I wouldn't.

I did he said if the cap firs wear it or get off my fat lazy arse and do some work like decent people.

Oh and they're a close family.

Don't [bluush]!!!

You did the right thing.

He's a bastard, do you need to see him?

I hate DH brother and simply avoid him / make myself scare if he comes round here. DH is on the verge of pushing him away too. Some people are just arseholes and blood isn't thicker than water all the time. And also I think, I don't want my children (who are young) exposed to someone who is expressing really objectionable views either.

Did your DH say anything?

Yanbu. I akso get v depressed by this so I understand how you feel. It is horrendous. Just try to remind you that many (most?) People feel like you do but the obnoxious twunts shout louder so it seems like they are the majority.

Being right wing isn't any more selfish than being left wing.

This ^^

The best thing I have heard is good people vote Labour and good people vote tory and vice versa.

There are horrible things said on threads on both sides about people on both sides.

No wonder people these days don't always say how they vote due to abuse they get.

Same for Corbyn. Apparently if you don't think that he is the best thing since sliced bread, then you are selfish and have no morals

Your husband's cousin is just arrogant and unpleasant, neither characteristic is particularly rare. I've met one or two people like that. But, I tend to avoid them. Of course, the modern Conservatives and the Daily Mail have made those traits indispensable parts of the responsible British citizen. If you want to be part of Osborne's country you have to be a thoroughgoing arsehole. We should raise a glass to him, really.

Dale Carnegie would doubtless disagree with me, but, I'd tell the chap that he's a swine.

Bubbles, that's because it's wrong. The left wing of organised labour, ie. the party of the unions, has collapsed. That's what the PLP's problem is. It's a nice idea that left and right are equivalent. But, it's about 40 years out of date.