...to ask the sleep deprived, how the F**K do you do it?! Seriously.

[DangerGrouse]

This is not a rhetorical question. I want answers and I want your stories. I am completely in awe/confused about people who function with sleep deprivation it utterly baffles me.
I have a two year old daughter who has always slept well and I am acutely aware of how lucky I am and I take no credit for this and I am not smug.
The night before last she had some random "hurty ear" and spent most of the night awake crying and wanting cuddles. So of course I spent the night cuddling her and dosing her up to the eyeballs with calpol and ibuprofen etc. Normal mumstuff. The night was of course awful - I was delirious and started hallucinating at one point I was so tired. Yesterday was consequently terrible and I felt physically sick and was grumpy from tiredness. From one bad night. In pretty much two years. And all I could think of was "HOW THE FUCK DO THEY DO IT?!" As in permanently sleep deprived mothers of non sleeping or ill children?
Seriously? How do you cope? What gets you through? Do you just accept it and deal with it, have a nervous breakdown or just live in permanent hate of your days and nights?
From one totally in awe mother to all of you sleep deprived warrior goddesses, I bow down and salute you.

You get used to it. I think your body adjusts temporarily. I say temporarily because I've just had two awful nights with the 23 month old DTs and I am ruined. 18 months ago that would have been much better than the norm and I'd s have felt fine.

I had 3.5 years and I honestly don't know how I survived!

I went to GP with suspected PND after DC3 and it popped out that he woke hourly to feed and had done for 12 months and I was working full time. His response, 'youn're not depressed, you're bloody knackered' and prescribed DC phenergan to knock him out to give me a block of 3 or 4 hours sleep at a time.

Took a week of meds and CIO (he was nearly 2) but OH MY GOD the difference.

I work in data/ict and nearly lost my job due to mistakes I had made when sleep deprived, it is hell, torture and the reason we have only 3 dcs not the 4 I had originally hoped for.

You di it because you have to but it is survival not living when it's longterm :(

I'm with Pixie - routine, routine esp about keys, money and phone. I'm v strict to know where tey are an I have a system for everything. Not always obvious to the naked eye but still, I know its there!

Oh - and after 3.5 years of it I ad lost jobs because I wasn't up to it either - thatsshallot I have every sympathy!

I just don't allow myself the option or feeling exhausted. That sounds a bit weird but it's always worked for me, instead of dwelling on it, or thinking about how shattered I am (not saying anyone else does this), I nip those thoughts in the bud and forge on with what needs doing. I have a toddler DS, I also have cancer and have had a lot of surgery and chemo recently (which hasn't worked) so have insomnia as well as being in a lot of pain constantly.

I find that getting up earlier than DS oddly really helps. I get up at 4:30, take the dogs for a walk and then am back for when he and DH wake up. The exercise and fresh air help to wake me up and help me focus on the day, plus I get some time to get my head together for the day, and have a secret crying/self pitying season if need be without DS having to witness it.

We own a ranch in South America so everything starts early here anyway, but for me the time each day focussing my mind helps with the physical side of the exhaustion, and seems to minimise the sickness/migraines etc.

Its way worse when your not used to it. That sounds tough op.

In all honesty, I didn't/don't really cope but as I continue to exist and no one came to any noticeable harm, I was deemed to be coping marvellously.

I would say I've been sleep deprived for over three years now, my youngest is 1.5 so getting slightly better.
By that I mean only 1 waking up in middle if night , but that coupled with DAILY 530am wake ups and late shifts / v early shifts at work is a killer.
When DC2 was newborn - 6 months I would say I was verging on nervous breakdown through sheer exhaustion.
Being with two kids all day on maternity leave and not being able to sleep when baby sleeps because you have a toddler to amuse was the most UNFUN thing I have ever experienced .
I used to jump as I thought I was seeing shadows but it was just because I was so tired.

I was constantly crabbit ( irritable ), weepy and emotional.
I can't believe I got through it actually.
I'm just longing for the night when DC2 sleeps through then I can finally have an unbroken sleep
I constantly think about sleep and long lies , constantly, its like I'm dreaming of what I miss most in the world ...

LOADSA I hate to say it but we still get 5-30 am wakings now, and youngest is now 6 :( He was in same room as me and woke me at 5 this morning to tell me what a lovely night he had had, was v sweet but still . .

That is what I'm dreading the most ... that I have years of this to come.
I'm resigned now to being constantly tired. I feel like I only operate at about 60% capacity on a daily basis , like I'm just ticking over . I forget a lot of things and I find it hard to get enthusiastic about things , tiredness has a lot to answer for

Ds, nine, has always been a fabulous sleeper, slept 12 hrs dead to the world since he was a baby.

I'm now pregnant with DC2 and desperately hoping this one will be the same! Not sure I'll cope after so many years of uninterrupted sleep!

I regularly used to miss a whole night's sleep on a weekly basis in my younger clubbing days, but that was pre kids and I could spend all day Sunday in bed.

It's not the sleep deprivation I mind as much as the feeling of anger and resentment I have towards my children. I am so frustrated that they are ruining their own and my life. We miss out on loads of things because they are so tired.

Today the baby has shrieked with tiredness all morning, that real high pitched shriek of total horror. But he still won't sleep. It makes doing any activity impossible. And then when I do eventually get him to sleep the almost 3 year old with asd screeches at him and wakes him up. He thinks it's a funny game. then the baby won't go back to sleep and shrieks again for hours. There is nothing I can do to stop this cycle. And I can't help but think I love the children less than I would if they slept well. I know it sounds bad but I am so tired I find it hard to feel anything other than frustration a lot of the time.

Oh MrsKoala that sounds awful - no advice but lots of and sympathy

. .this too will pass

mrskoala
I totally get everything you have just posted.
That feeling of annoyance that it's my kids that don't sleep and everyone else is living in this perfect 7pm to 7am " sleep through" wonderful world

DD was similar, the frequency of wake ups was getting more and more ridiculous, every 45 mins by 5 months and she very distressed and unable to get back to sleep herself. 3 nights of CC and she was a classic 12 hour baby, she needed to learn how to sleep. I only did it because I was going back to work and as the main breadwinner I had to be on form but she was so much happier in the day and started napping properly after that. If she wakes up now I race upstairs because I know there must be something really wrong (sometimes she just wants a cuddle).

On the vomiting, I have read that whilst this is distressing for parents its actually just a reaction to excesss saliva caused by crying, its not necessarily a distress signal. In some ways I think its much harder to do at 2/3 than at 6 months or 12 months.

I understand the reticence though, I felt terrible doing it and I appreciate it won't work for everyone.

mrskoala you poor thing, would a walk in the open air help the baby sleep and then the 3 yr old can run around and hopefully not wake the baby up, just to break the tiredness cycle?

Mrskoala don't feel bad..it's the sleep deprivation making you feel angry

I agree with MrsKoala too - I've got a quick temper at the best of times and when something that should have been nice has been ruined by overtired children it makes me so cross!

Re leaving them to cry - I think the problem with dc1 is she struggles to wind down. Leaving her to cry would feel like I was doing the opposite of what she actually needs iyswim, it feels (to me) quite counterproductive.

I eat too much sugar (for an energy rush/treat), and am permanently forgetful, spacy and a little bit grumpy. :(

I honestly do not know how people do it. I have an 18 month old who has slept through since 6 months and I thank my lucky stars every day.

My brother has a DS the same age and up until a couple of weeks ago was still waking twice per night. Both he and his partner have full time jobs. I do not know how they coped. Just day to day tasks, driving, cooking etc become complicated, never mind having to be on form at work!

If I ever win the lottery I will set up a charity to help parents who are severley sleep deprived. I can't believe something like that doesn't already exist.

Kudos to everyone, you're doing a fab job!

DD has CMPA which meant her sleep was terrible and she was screaming in pain.
How did I cope? I didn't I had horrendous PND with psychotic episodes, was ill all the time and generally broke. DH luckily carried the family until I was recovered but I'm still not right.

Apathy I'm right their with you! 2 CMPA babies 2 lots of PND and a breakdown in the middle.

My youngest is 2 and still doesn't sleep well. My eldest is an early riser.

I'm better now than I have been in a long time but I'm not fully there yet. CMPA is so much harder than most people realise!

You just get used to it. I think the magic number is 4 hours of unbroken sleep. If I get that then I feel fine. Less and I feel grotty but it's fine. My one mostly sleeps through now at 2 but whenever he is ill he wakes every hour so my husband and I tend to alternate nights and shut ourselves in with him so the other gets uninterrupted sleep. My husband fell asleep at his desk more than once when ds was young. I never manage the nap when they nap stuff as I felt worse having an hour when I needed more than I did having none.

Oh and you get used to thinking a 6am start is a lie in and convince yourself you get more done by getting up early