...to ask the sleep deprived, how the F**K do you do it?! Seriously.

[DangerGrouse]

This is not a rhetorical question. I want answers and I want your stories. I am completely in awe/confused about people who function with sleep deprivation it utterly baffles me.
I have a two year old daughter who has always slept well and I am acutely aware of how lucky I am and I take no credit for this and I am not smug.
The night before last she had some random "hurty ear" and spent most of the night awake crying and wanting cuddles. So of course I spent the night cuddling her and dosing her up to the eyeballs with calpol and ibuprofen etc. Normal mumstuff. The night was of course awful - I was delirious and started hallucinating at one point I was so tired. Yesterday was consequently terrible and I felt physically sick and was grumpy from tiredness. From one bad night. In pretty much two years. And all I could think of was "HOW THE FUCK DO THEY DO IT?!" As in permanently sleep deprived mothers of non sleeping or ill children?
Seriously? How do you cope? What gets you through? Do you just accept it and deal with it, have a nervous breakdown or just live in permanent hate of your days and nights?
From one totally in awe mother to all of you sleep deprived warrior goddesses, I bow down and salute you.

My mum, who has never had DS (aged 3) alone over night, said the other day that she's thinking about having him over for a sleepover to get him used to the idea so that when the next baby arrives she can take him for the night and give us a break.

Except that NOW he sleeps through so it's not him we'll need a break from, it's the newborn and there's NO WAY mum will take her until she's sleeping through.

I think often people just see sleep as the issue and think they can't help. They don't think any more and think what a help it would be to simply come and do the hovering or cook a few meals. Desert, we've been where you are now, you have my sympathy. But, it has had no effect on development at all.

Not read all of this, but by the sounds of it I had a pretty easy time.
I had my twins at 42 and neither slept. Twin 1 wouldn't got to sleep until the early hours and twin 2 woke, almost without fail, at 4.45am. Me and OH took in turns to do early or late shifts. Both were reflux so there was much changing of sheets at night. We had no GPs to help as (still don't) and I was shit scared that lack of sleep would cause my epilepsy to rear it's ugly head again - thankfully only minor though.
Thank God for my Homestart volunteer! She was the Granny we never had.

GoooRooo, actually, smile, say thank you and seize that opportunity. I know it probably won't get you any more actual sleep but not having to get up and deal with a three year old and entertain them when you have a newborn really is a break. I would have bitten off someone's arm if they had offered to take my eldest for even a few hours when the youngest was at his worst. Apart from anything else at least it would have stopped me feeling guilty that dc1 was missing out on being looked after by a compos mentis adult for a while!

Desert ridiculous isn't it. I've spoken about it very clearly today now tho haha n they get it, they r just worried how they will manage in terms of their own sleep for the night. I manage 365 days a year so am sure 1 won't kill anyone! We will soon be having an overnight break, which r like hen's teeth n which we r extemely grateful for .

Pauline DS goes to nursery 4 days a week and will continue to even when I'm maternity leave so I will get lots of time with the new baby on my own anyway. It is kind of her to offer and I know she thinks she's doing us a huge favour, but she saw how exhausted I was with a newborn last time and didn't offer to help at all.

Well I know people say you get used to it and I must be a wimp but I never got used to it. I was practically suicidal and felt constantly dizzy, weepy and beyond miserable.I remember thinking I just wanted to sleep and getting almost hysterical at the thought that I was unlikely to get more than 2-3 hours at a time on a really really good day for the forseeable future. I even usually got a respite night (once a week) when dh would do the nght with a bottle or bring ds to me another room. I would crawl through the days with that as a goal. I too had hallucinations and the world would look really sort of wonky. I have no idea how I got through the first two years. Once ds started sleeping for 5-6 hours in a go, I went from suicidal exhaustion to just really tired which was manageable. It was never being able to sleep in one block for 5 or more hours that killed me. All the "sleep" with the baby advice was useless as I would wake from an hour or two of sleep feeling so bad it was almost worse than not having had the sleep.

DS only really started sleeping more than 2-3 hours at a time when he was about 18 months old. Even after that he woke EVERY morning between 4.30am and 6.00am until he was about 3 years old. He is now 10 years old and is still up by 7am pretty much every morning even during the holidays. Some children seem to need less sleep than others. That is all I can say.

I haven't read the whole thread (my apologies) but I'll bet that at least from the mothers of children with long term medical or developmental needs the answer is you just do.

DD is almost 10. I can't tell you how I get by on 4 hours of interrupted sleep a night, I just know that I do. In fact, it has been so long that I am not capable of sleeping longer. I am too conditioned at this point.

I can say, however, that the first few years were very difficult. Now, it is just part of my regular routine.

Agree with Pauline - GoooRooo snatch their hand off! Worse is if you have had a bad night with a newborn and just get them off to sleep for the 100th time that night at 6.30am and at 6.45am older child bounces in wide awake and ready for the day (even with relatively easy DD2 and cosleeping) I can remember wanting to cry more than once because of that!
I did also mean to say reading what a PP said that I have worked extremely long hours for extended periods of time before DC- so survived on little sleep, iv'd coffee and had cold showers to wake up etc - and so I do think I was more prepared than if I had never done that before. Difference is that is tends to be more of a gradual build up and you do get blocks of undisturbed 4-5 hrs sleep - with a newborn it is often a sudden shock and you get shorter periods of sleep, don't get as deep sleep so is less effective.

My parents have never offered to have the baby and I wouldn't expect them to. It's a big ask for someone to have that broken a night - they did their time with me.

But having the big ones really is a break. Not least because if the baby has a bad night you don't have to be up and at em in the morning.

I had a mattress on the floor in our bedroom when dc were little and if they genuinely couldn't sleep they could come in on the mattress ONLY if they made absolutely no noise.

That was from when they could walk so very young. Had very few wakeful nights.

CallMeExhausted That's pretty much it. It's always been this way, since ds1 was an infant, and it's been years. My system has (to some extent) adapted and I get by on what little sleep I get. I can't catch up during the day, as ds2 is HE'd due to SNs, so he's awake and needing attention throughout the day. If it gets to be too much, I'll try to go to bed earlier in the evening, but often the evening is the only time I can get some things done (or any down time at all, which is also important for my sanity!). My ex's family doesn't even bother to see them, much less help, and my family is abroad. So it's just me. And my coffee.

Bumbling bovine I could have written your post. Did you go onto have another child?

I have never had any time 'off duty' because my small one has never met his dad and my parents do the daytime childcare a few days a week, so it would be too much to ask.
Some days I am desperate for a lie in... Even into the 7s... But I would feel too guilty missing out on the time with him. I work full time so seeing him during the night on weekdays is a blessing actually.
Despite my soul having been destroyed by chronic sleep deprivation I think I would miss my babe even more if he did sleep through. I don't think I'll be saying this in a few hours

My stbxdh has had the two older ones overnight once while the baby and I went to visit a friend of mine. They both slept through for him. Traitors.

Bumbling: "Some children seem to need less sleep than others. That is all I can say."

Needing less sleep as an adult is a fantastic thing. You can achieve so much more than others if driven.