...to ask the sleep deprived, how the F**K do you do it?! Seriously.

[DangerGrouse]

This is not a rhetorical question. I want answers and I want your stories. I am completely in awe/confused about people who function with sleep deprivation it utterly baffles me.
I have a two year old daughter who has always slept well and I am acutely aware of how lucky I am and I take no credit for this and I am not smug.
The night before last she had some random "hurty ear" and spent most of the night awake crying and wanting cuddles. So of course I spent the night cuddling her and dosing her up to the eyeballs with calpol and ibuprofen etc. Normal mumstuff. The night was of course awful - I was delirious and started hallucinating at one point I was so tired. Yesterday was consequently terrible and I felt physically sick and was grumpy from tiredness. From one bad night. In pretty much two years. And all I could think of was "HOW THE FUCK DO THEY DO IT?!" As in permanently sleep deprived mothers of non sleeping or ill children?
Seriously? How do you cope? What gets you through? Do you just accept it and deal with it, have a nervous breakdown or just live in permanent hate of your days and nights?
From one totally in awe mother to all of you sleep deprived warrior goddesses, I bow down and salute you.

YY to 'you just get on with it'. Also:

An hour or so of TV in the morning for DC so you can doze on sofa.

A helpful DH who does his 'share' and doing shifts: I do bedtime-12am (when DH gets home from work), DH does 12am-4am, then I do 4am onwards. Leeway is important; for instance I am up feeding a teething DD2 as DH's attempts to settle her were futile.

Extended term BFing - this isn't relevant to you, but I'm BFing longer than I necessary want to, as I know that sometimes, the only thing that will settle DD2 quickly is a boob in the mouth

Antidepressants I was diagnosed with PND, which I am convinced is due to sleep deprivation as I noticed a clear pattern between DD having a particularly bad night and my mood the next day. ADs do seem to take the edge off.

And most important of all:

Early nights, I'm often in bed by 8.30/9pm, I find it makes disturbed sleep easier if you have a couple of hours sleep behind you (luckily DD2 rarely wakes before 12am, and usually 'sleeps through' until waking up for the day at 4am).

I'm glad your DD is on the mend, it can really throw you when a 'good sleeper' stops sleeping well.

Shifts. Me and DH. Term time sleep when they're at school.

two things

1. the longer you do it the more immune you become

and

1. c o f f e e

I can't really blame the kids for my lack of sleep anymore. The majority of the time, they sleep very well and I am already up if they wake and it has been like that for a few years. I have my sister currently staying with me and even at 5am the other night, I was still lay awake and I heard her coughing badly so I went through and got her inhaler, got some tissues and a drink for her. That's just normal for me now, I survive off anything from 3-5 hours a night and have done for many years. Yet, pre kids, I could literally sleep non stop!

My memory has gone absolutely rubbish, so has my concentration. I go around with a constant niggling headache which gets worse at various points throughout the day, my vision goes blurry at times and I am a right irritable bugger if other factors come in to play like it being absolutely boiling and having to cook.

Every night I will be lay in bed wondering how the hell I will make it through the next day so tired, going through a mental list of what needs doing. Which kicks off my headache and then I can't sleep because of that. It's a vicious circle.

But yes, you just have to get on with it. Some times I do have a mini meltdown and cry my eyes out until I pass out, waking up after a good nights sleep and feeling refreshed again but unfortunately that only happens once every blue moon. Sigh.

I do find though that I cope better without any sleep at all than if I get less than 2 hours sleep. So I won't sleep if that's all I'm going to get.

I have 9 kids, most of which have been poor sleepers. I have 5 hours in bed and in that time i am woken at least once an hour before having to start my day at 4/5am. I can't remember ever sleeping past 5am. I am used to it now. Some days it catches up with me and i'm falling asleep at 2pm, esp if i'm sat in a lecture at uni! I do dread night times though.

I am in bed everyday at 9.30 unless one of the boys is awake. I work FT and I know the quality of my work is worse.

I eat a lot. I sleep whenever I can at the weekend. I have no hobbies and no social life because whenever DH looks after the boys I sleep.

DS1 is nearly 4 and still suffers from bad reflux so has woken several times a night from birth. DS2 is 14 months and wakes 4-5times a night for various reasons- teeth, to feed, illness and being woken by DS1. Can't sleep train cos DS1 is a very light sleeper. So I co sleep with DS2.

I often hate my existence. Everything is so hard and I Have little patience.

And I've had 3 migraines in the past 11 days

I have a 6 month old who still wakes several times a night. She sleeps max 4 hours in one go if I'm lucky. More often than not she wakes every hours

I also have a toddler who thankfully was / is a better sleeper but I would say I haven't had many 'proper' night's sleep since I was about 30w pregnant with him which was 3 years ago!!!

I went back to work FT for a year between children as well.

I'm certainly used to coping with very little sleep these days. I do have days when I am more shattered than others and I am in bed most night's before 9pm as my kids wakes early!!!

• wakes every 3 hours

What on earth do you mean by you wouldn't cope?

You'd give your baby up for adoption? Leave her in a bin? Shoot yourself?

I doubt it, you'd just feel shit all the time like everyone else with a non sleeping baby! I don't mean to be arsey but your post makes no sense.

Those of you with lots of children how how did you end up doing it? I'm desperate for lots more but my two horrific sleepers mean I don't think I could actually survive. Was it a factor when you considered having more or did you just think fuck it? I'm mainly asking you nemo I don't know how you are alive!

coffee. Coffee coffee coffee. Coffee is my best friend. I've been on about 5-6 hours of broken sleep a night, every single night, for the past 3-4 years due to pregnancies then 2 kids. night before last I had 2 and a half hours broken sleep, then about 4 and a half broken last night... Some days I just cry and cry, lol, I'm so exhausted. I'm in bed for 9, I never have the time or energy to do much of anything, and I pretty much just coast along most of the time. CAN'T WAIT until the kids are in school!! I'll be able to sleep a bit then, and maybe even keep the house cleaner...

nemo I second monsters question! I always wanted at least three but due to chronic bad sleep am struggling to survive with just the two!

I would frequently missed out on much sleep pre-children (party hard/work hard) so I really don't think broken nights when they are little is such a big huge deal. If one bad night left you hallucinating you must have had a pretty staid existence - did you never party til the sun came up? Or pull an all nighter studying or working?

I have massive respect for parents of SN children who won't grow out of it.

Partying hard is not the same! I regularly used to just not go to bed at all when I was younger but that was because I was having fun not because I had been standing in a dark room rocking a baby back and forth for six hours.

I had chronic sleep deprivation from years of looking after my severly disabled child who woke often during the night. I tried to catch up with sleep during the day when he was at school but was invariably woken by the telephone (could not switch it off because may get a crisis call) This went on until he was a teenager. I became a zombie. I could not add up three simple numbers even using a calculator my brain was so sleep deprived. Everything took so much longer to do I felt I was wearing a lead suit. I relied on copious caffeine to keep going. My short term memory went and I only got help when I starting forgetting 5 minutes after I had given him medicines whether I had actually done so. My health was not deemed important until it put my child in danger

Pease get help to get some decent sleep. Yes sleep deprivation becomes your new normal but your body needs sleep. Do not just carry on and on , you may fall asleep whilst driving or make a mistake which has consequences.

Partying hard is not the same Maybe your perceptions influence your experience? If you have pushed on through tiredness in the past, why is baby tiredness so different? I expected broken nights for a bit & as they weren't a new experience, they didn't leave me a quivering wreck. If my children hadn't grown out of it, that would be different.

drop standards of everything. scrape by at work . eat well and take vits to try and offset the lack of rest.

I've been struggling with tiredness recently and I know I have no right to be so tired as my DH keeps pointing out as do some of the managers at work. I don't complain about my tiredness to them, they've just noticed the bags under my eyes. I experienced hallucinations for the first time last week and a couple of weeks ago I had my eyes checked because I was worried about my vision. In answer to your question I'm not coping with the tiredness, I'm way behind with the housework .

I have never slept well, not even as a child. The worse thing is the boredom of being awake for hours during the night. I have always woken early, even after a very disturbed night. These days I am in bed alone (which I much prefer and do not want another partner, ever). I am learning a language and have found an excellent online course so I practise during the night. Otherwise, I read or watch catch-up TV (watch very little live as I have a pretty busy life)

Sometimes I become so tired that I become dizzy. On those days I do not drive and struggle through at work (part time) which I manage. Fortunately I do not any work that requires physical precision.

On very rare occasions I hallucinate and am just very careful when, for e.g., crossing the road. If this happens at a weekend, I may spend a day in bed or just potter about at home.

People wonder how I manage on, regularly, 4 hours a night. I just smile and say I am used to it and that it gives me extra time. In the summer, I can sometimes be found weeding at first light!

Fadingmemory I am in awe of you coping on so little sleep long term. I am not a great sleeper, but I will eventually catch up on holidays. To never get or expect a decent night must be hell.

I think one bad night in a blue moon feels worse than it being a regular thing.

My DD, 12, is an awful sleeping (connected to her disability) and TBH my body is just completely used to it now. I think it has just learned to function on less sleep.

Sorry not really much help to you I know! I would suggest just having a bit of a lazy day if at all possible and cuddle with for a nap if you get the chance.

I definitely think that my PND stemmed from sheer exhaustion. I remember my GP offering me Prozac, and saying back to her that I wasn't depressed, just absolutely exhausted. In fact whatever you call 'beyond exhausted'.

In fact it was my lovely HV a who suggested I went to see her for a one to one. She'd been reading up on Bach Flower Remedies, and thought a long chat with her, and a few remedies would help. They did help, but looking back, I'm sure it was the opportunity to just let it out, and to talk to her about how desperate I felt.

I'm learning to sleep better, and I can manage 5 hours a night. Always thought I'd have another DCS, but I (and our marriage) would not have survived.

DS is nearly two and we've had five full nights sleep in that time. One of those was a night away. We both work full time hours.
You get used to it. I worry less about how I look. I have a cleaner and ironing gets sent out. I function at a steady level of tiredness! I am however also permanently ready to snap
Am looking forward to him sleeping well and consistently.