...to ask the sleep deprived, how the F**K do you do it?! Seriously.

[DangerGrouse]

This is not a rhetorical question. I want answers and I want your stories. I am completely in awe/confused about people who function with sleep deprivation it utterly baffles me.
I have a two year old daughter who has always slept well and I am acutely aware of how lucky I am and I take no credit for this and I am not smug.
The night before last she had some random "hurty ear" and spent most of the night awake crying and wanting cuddles. So of course I spent the night cuddling her and dosing her up to the eyeballs with calpol and ibuprofen etc. Normal mumstuff. The night was of course awful - I was delirious and started hallucinating at one point I was so tired. Yesterday was consequently terrible and I felt physically sick and was grumpy from tiredness. From one bad night. In pretty much two years. And all I could think of was "HOW THE FUCK DO THEY DO IT?!" As in permanently sleep deprived mothers of non sleeping or ill children?
Seriously? How do you cope? What gets you through? Do you just accept it and deal with it, have a nervous breakdown or just live in permanent hate of your days and nights?
From one totally in awe mother to all of you sleep deprived warrior goddesses, I bow down and salute you.

I'm like you op. I just don't get it. Feel physically sick if i get less than 6 hours and have to spend most of the day in bed getting over it. Pathetic!

My 3 year old is in very real distress when I don't let her have a lollipop, she cries and screams, but I am the adult and she needs to learn certain things, sleeping was one of them.
I think if you are loving and attentive in the day and you respond appropriately to their needs then teaching them how to get a good night's sleep and be happy in their own company is a great skill to teach.
I appreciate its not right for every child. Pick up put down and shush pat made my daughter hysterical, she needed some time alone in the dark to unwind and go to sleep.
But I think CC done in the right way can be an incredible tool for everyone involved, especially the baby.

I wish I hadn't read this thread, it's made me feel like shit. I'm trying to help my child sleep but I don't know what to do. I'd absolutely spend £1000 to fix it but don't feel like it would work. DS will absolutely remain an only child anyway.

Like PP I was so happy to have an official medical reason for DS1's bad sleep. He did the 24hr acid reflux test aged 3 and the Dr was horrified at how bad it is.

Now when I say he doesn't sleep through I preface it with 'cos of medical reasons ' and people s reactions are so different. I'm No longer the 'ineffective weak' mum who couldn't sleep train

I Tried many things and read loads but the only thing that helped was meds

To go slightly off topic - kinky, I would defo recommend trying low carbing. I think ts the only thing keeping me going. The first few days are hard but once you get keto adapted your energy levels shoot up and also remain more steady. I use to eat loads of quick pasta and toast to keep me going and I felt really crappy. Now I feel a thousand times better, I even do an hour of Pilates and an hour of body pump a week. I could never have done it on this little sleep when I was carbing.

TrabadoraBeatrice I don't think that's sleep deprivation rage. More like righteous anger that your DP is choosing to stay up late watching DVDs rather than putting you first, going to bed early and being rested enough to get up in the morning to allow you some sleep. That's really not on!

I agree about reading the thread and feeling shit. Like it's all my fault

I did sleep training with one of mine for this reason. I couldn't cope any more with the tiredness, I crashed the car into a post through exhaustion and was finding I couldn't work at all (in my cognitively demanding job). It was two nights, no screaming, no vomiting, just intermittent moaning crying on and off for 45 min then sleep. Then that was it. Repeated after a cold about two months later.

Ultimately, I put the needs of the whole family, mine to sleep/function/bring in a wage/not crash car above the baby's needs to be awake at night. I also felt, like far that teaching them to sleep was much kinder than years of poor sleeping.

I was lucky, mine responded really well and easily, my second didn't even need sleep training, just slept through at about 6 months. So, I get this isn't a solution for so many people with intrinsically poor sleepers or children who have sn and are awake a lot at night. With a nt good napper though, who just likes partying after a feed at 11pm, I would always sleep train if they didn't start sleeping, just for the sanity of the whole household.

And, for those who that isn't an option, my heart goes out to you. I have a friend with a child who has a medical reason why they wake at night and she simply couldn't work outside the home, what with all the medical appointments in the day, her whole life is one of being tired and exhausted. I really feel for anyone in that situation, it's very different than the one I was describing.

ds1 is 10yrs old with special needs, sleep issues for all these years although a bit better in the last year (sleeping through till 5am everyday now).
I have had to find strength I didn't know was within me to survive. Sleep is one of the reasons I couldn't go back to work, my brain simply isn't fully awake. I am lucky because DH is wonderful and we support each other to catch up but it's just never enough. Without a doubt this is the worse part about having a child with SN

I don't read the thread like that. It actually made me feel much better on a really tough day. Thanks OP. I feel like a hero!

Our DS is going through the 4 month sleep regression and waking up hourly. I wouldn't cope if my DH was working. He's a SAHD now and I'm on maternity so someone can always catch up on sleep. I'm back to work soon and dreading it.

I think I'm just absolutely terrified about going back to work. I'm the breadwinner, it's a difficult job and I feel like I'm going to ruin everything. I'd be ok if I wasn't going back to work I think - I mean I'd still feel crap but not so frightened.

I regularly go to work on 3 hours sleep. Is not too bad.

I agree with some posters, you just get on with it. I do night shifts and have DS during the day, I properly get 5 hours sleep if I'm lucky. Been doing it for a year now, have no idea how I've managed but I have. Helps that DP and me have a good relationship with our family so every now and then we can catch up on much needed sleep.

It's nice to know I'm not alone - this thread has made me feel a bit better.

My story is that I have three sleep-averse children aged 6, 4 and 18 months. CIO has never been an option for me, although I did night-wean ds at 2 when he was still waking anywhere between 5 and 10 times a night for milk, and I broke. Dd2 is heading the same way at the moment, and this time I don't have a dh (he left when she was a few weeks old - I don't think it's related to lack of sleep, but who knows ). I do, and always have, co-sleep though which makes night feeds a bit easier.

As to how I cope, I now see a reason for having been borderline insomniac for a fair few years before children - somehow it doesn't bother me unless we have a run of shocking nights with all three of them. Then I hug the coffee machine and sit with friends in soft play looking like I've just crawled out of my crypt.

I guess it'll just have to be ok. God I'm pathetic, off to bed now anyway.

My ds was the worst as a baby. We got through it by sharing our sleep. if i had a bad night, he would take over at about 6am to do his share [feeding/changing] and let me sleep through until he left for work at around 8. We kind of shared it this way.

..all my others, including twins have been fairly good sleepers. My other dd's [one of which is 4] comes in to my bed and i used to bring her in to my bed since she was a small baby. Even although they advise not to, what other mammal sleeps so separate from her young? She felt content sleeping in my bed and i felt content she was there.

Power naps, two a day for 15 or 20 mins (max) will work wonders.

Oh yes, power naps. Still work for me now :)

Splendide, this too will pass dude, it really will.

Forgotten who asked about night time dummy removal? I did dummy fairy with dd when she was about 2/2.5 (is it bad I don't remember?). I started off one day just saying she was a big girl and how only babies had dummys, gradually went on to say some babies weren't lucky enough to have a dummy to help them sleep. Waited a bit, repeat maybe an hour or two later - casual dropping into conversation, as you do! Then "Oh! I've heard that the dummy fairy is coming to town this week!" "She's the fairy who gets together all of the old dummies big girls like you don't need any more to help the tiny little babies to get to sleep!" "And, do you know what's EXTRA amazing? She leaves a thank you present the next morning for anyone who gives up all of their dummies!" That did it for dd, she helped me find her whole stash, still looking longingly at them mind, and then I literally binned them as soon as she was out of sight. I did this so I wouldn't be tempted to fish around for one if she was troublesome and so she couldn't find them. I forget what I gave her, but you can make it as big or small/glittery thank you note etc as you like. If they grumble you remind them what a big girl they are and how happy they made the dummy fairy (don't mention the babies now hogging the dummies - bad results lie therein, trust me). She adapted amazingly well, far better than expected!

Something I've found that helps is warm milk with a very long book in bed, getting slower and slower with the words and lying down next to her. I also adjust my breathing to being really slow and pretend to sleep of course I never actually fall asleep at 7:30, cough cough which after about 10mins will do the trick. Worth a try if anyone hasn't already?

YY to my co-ranter! Someone nicked my bin when dd was 2mo and I went so postal I got the local paper over tbf the council were telling me I couldn't get a new bin for 3 months as they had trouble with suppliers - of course I couldn't use a different one as they wouldn't fit the bin lorries - and I had to pay £50 and walk my rubbish across town to the bin. I didn't drive and all the stinky nappies... I was furious!

DC1 was a horrendous sleeper for first 6 months and I was broken. We did CC because it was either that or I lose my mind. They dropped 2 night wakings in first night and slept through within a month. Maybe they were just more prone to sleeping through than others - DC2 was even easier to sleep train and now both sleep through most nights barring illness etc. irony is now an get stress related insomnia which is miles worse than baby related sleeplessness and there is no reason for it. I too eat crap, do no exercise and generally feel exhausted all day at home or work. My DH is getting annoyed at me constantly saying I'm tired as I just can't be bothered doing anything. It's no fun and my mental health suffered. It's actaully worse when I've been sleeping well and I have a really bad night as my body can't cope with change.