About moving in together and splitting costs?

Wow - this one in not straight forward.
My OH lives with me and he pays me £400 per month.
He also pays if we go out, pub, restaurant, cinema, anything really.
He also puts a bit aside and pays for the holidays.
He has other mortgages and he has to pay his ExW maintenance.
We sat down and it seemed like a fair deal.
My mortgage is half of what yours is though.

When DH and I started living together we had a joint bank account, all earnings went into it and all expenses came out of it. We had been friends for a long time before getting together, but it worked for us and still works well now. I appreciate not everyone likes this way of doing things.

We rent and split everything down the middle so each pay half the rent and bills. Whatever's left is our own to keep. That's the fairest way, surely?

Half of what though? I think you should count mortgage separately to bills/living costs.

IMO he should definitely pay half of all utilities/bills/groceries etc. But not necessarily half the mortgage. And what about things like house repairs/furniture/decoration etc?

I live with DP in his house, I pay half of all bills and living costs, and half of furniture/decoration etc when this costs arise. I don't pay any rent/mortgage though, and don't pay half of big costs like boiler/roof repairs.

Our situation is a bit different though as DP earns 3x more than me and already has a lot more disposable income than me without me upsetting the balance further by taking away from mine to give to his. We are both fine with the current situation.

I'm not sure, but you might want to check where you stand if he contributes to your mortgage for an extended period of time then you split up - would he have any legal claim to a stake in the house?

Will you benefit from the money he is putting into his pension? If it's only for his benefit then that shouldn't be offset against his contribution to your living costs.

if he signs a waiver against your house then he shouldn't contribute to the mortgage.
split the bills 50/50 try and rein in grocery costs as his are almost triple yours.
is the 500 weekly or monthly?

oops thought your shop was 60. how does he spend double even if on his own and goes for meals out?

When I moved into now DH's house we added up all his bills and set up a joint bank account, into which we pay an equal monthly amount. All the bills come out of that, plus a bit extra. I earn more than he does (not to the same extent, however,) so offered to pay a bit more, but he says that's the fairest way.

Whatever figure you agree, I'd suggest also agreeing to review the amount after, say, 6 months. Then you will have an idea of the actual costs.

if he signs a waiver against your house then he shouldn't contribute to the mortgage

I tend to agree with this.

Also if you get married the house may very well be considered anot asset of the marriage no matter who 'owns it'

if he signs a waiver against your house then he shouldn't contribute to the mortgage.

But he should still pay rent to you for the space he'll be living in, as well as the 50/50 costs of food etc.

Crikey would it really not just be simpler to put all earnings in one pot and consider it household income, rather than your money and his money?

Do you have dc living with you? If so I think you should pay more than him for living costs (or agree to split 50/50 to offset his higher grocery bills). If you don't then he should contribute more to account for his dc starting some of the week .

I think you should split all bills including food, council tax, insurance etc except mortgage 50/50 or on an agreed proportion to account for any dc you both have. He shouldn't just be paying for the increases as it's not fair only he benefits from you living together. Then rather than muddy the waters with the mortgage he should pay a higher amount into a joint account for holidays /meals out /treats together to reflect the fact he doesn't have any rental costs .You should also contribute to this but less. Again ,any dc you both have who would benefit from this needs to be accounted for when you agree amounts for each of you .

I don't think it's as easy as saying £500 is enough or not. But this is how I'd work out a fair contribution.

I know it's not what you asked but I don't understand how you can't afford a pension. if your net income is £3200 a month. I think he should pay you some rent plus a half share of untility bills and council tax. I'd say £300-£400 a month rent plus a half share of all other bills but not house repairs.

If you are living together. I can't see how you can have separate food shopping. I don't think just a general amount to cover all expenses is a good idea because you could end up out of pocket if fuel bills were higher.

if he has to pay rent make it lower then what he currently pays now or their really wouldnt be any benifit to him actully moving in would there (as he would not get any %of the house so unless it was cheaper for him to move in with you there would be a good reason to move in as all that would happen is YOU would benifit with less bills)

There are numerous threads on MN telling women if they move in with a bloke not to contrube to morgate or pay rent unless you get your name on the deeds and this is perfectly acceptable but if a man is moving in hes expected to pay 50% of everything but get hardly anything out of it so yes 50% of bills but nothing towards the morgatge etc (or a token amount of 1/3 of what he is paying now in rent so he can save up for his own house even if its just for renting out otherwise he is not in a good finical postion

Crikey would it really not just be simpler to put all earnings in one pot and consider it household income, rather than your money and his money?

Not really. Its a good thing to proceed with financial caution and not be all 'whats mine is yours and whats yours is mine' unless you are at the stage of getting married.


I think 500 pcm is stupidly low and OP could end up out of pocket with increased food and utility bills. He shouldn't pay 'the mortgage' but he should be paying 1/2 of all bills and something for the 'rental' aspect of the mortgage.

I'd actually have a think about what you would charge a lodger for use of a room and bills (and they would be buying their own food remember) and charge him that plus a bit extra to cover his expensive food habits.

Crikey would it really not just be simpler to put all earnings in one pot and consider it household income, rather than your money and his money?

Depends really on what they are comfortable with and if their attitude to money is similar, otherwise it's a no from me.

OP, I think it's great that you are discussing all this before moving in together to avoid potential arguments about it in the future. First of all, work out what the bills are now and what you think it's likely to be with him and his children added (costs of food, water bills, heat, light etc will all go up) and maybe set that as a monthly figure and review it in 6 months, as per pp.

What else he would contribute to in the future (new furniture, redecorating, cost of DIY, garden)? How will you both pay for holidays? For presents?

FWIW, DP moved to mine. He pays me a certain amount a month, covers half the household costs. I don't have a mortgage though.

There are numerous threads on MN telling women if they move in with a bloke not to contribute to mortgage or pay rent unless you get your name on the deeds

Which I disagree with as well. Its not right that one person gets their mortgage paid off by the other person by getting them to pay 1/2 the mortgage, but to just pay bills only is a joke. Situation is more difficult with unmarried coupes having children and living in the mans house. In which case the woman should absolutely get her name on the deeds. And get married.

whois and AmberFool lucky for me that DH wasn't a golddigger then, wasn't it?