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About moving in together and splitting costs?

75 replies

billsbillsbillsandbills · 22/07/2015 11:59

How do you work out what's fair?

DP and I are thinking of moving in together, rather he is thinking of moving in with me (as I own my house, he is currently renting as still on mortgage to his XW house) I earn a good salary, can manage without his contribution but he feels (and I agree) he should pay something.

He currently pays £1k per month in rent, I pay £1700 mortgage. I think our food/utility bills are similar, save for he takes his DC out for meals and takeaways weekly, whereas that's more of a monthly treat for my DC.

I wasn't sure whether we should base it on earnings or income? He has his own business (only started up a couple of years ago, he's just taken on his first employees) which makes more than I earn, but he's ploughing lots into a pension and re-investing in the business, so his actual net income is about £1600, whereas mine is double that. However I can't afford a pension and I don't have my own business!

So how much do I ask for? Half? Less than half?

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 22/07/2015 12:06

Wow - this one in not straight forward.
My OH lives with me and he pays me £400 per month.
He also pays if we go out, pub, restaurant, cinema, anything really.
He also puts a bit aside and pays for the holidays.
He has other mortgages and he has to pay his ExW maintenance.
We sat down and it seemed like a fair deal.
My mortgage is half of what yours is though.


billsbillsbillsandbills · 22/07/2015 12:09

We've always split everything 50/50 if we go out for meals, drinks, cinema, or if we go away for a weekend break.

If I go for a meal with his DC, he usually pays for it all, if he comes out with mine, I pay. He does also pay maintenance to his XW.

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StarsInTheNightSky · 22/07/2015 12:10

When DH and I started living together we had a joint bank account, all earnings went into it and all expenses came out of it. We had been friends for a long time before getting together, but it worked for us and still works well now. I appreciate not everyone likes this way of doing things.


chrome100 · 22/07/2015 12:10

We rent and split everything down the middle so each pay half the rent and bills. Whatever's left is our own to keep. That's the fairest way, surely?


riverboat1 · 22/07/2015 12:11

Half of what though? I think you should count mortgage separately to bills/living costs.

IMO he should definitely pay half of all utilities/bills/groceries etc. But not necessarily half the mortgage. And what about things like house repairs/furniture/decoration etc?

I live with DP in his house, I pay half of all bills and living costs, and half of furniture/decoration etc when this costs arise. I don't pay any rent/mortgage though, and don't pay half of big costs like boiler/roof repairs.

Our situation is a bit different though as DP earns 3x more than me and already has a lot more disposable income than me without me upsetting the balance further by taking away from mine to give to his. We are both fine with the current situation.

I'm not sure, but you might want to check where you stand if he contributes to your mortgage for an extended period of time then you split up - would he have any legal claim to a stake in the house?


Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 22/07/2015 12:15

Will you benefit from the money he is putting into his pension? If it's only for his benefit then that shouldn't be offset against his contribution to your living costs.


billsbillsbillsandbills · 22/07/2015 12:15

We've discussed him signing something to waive any entitlement to the house. I only have another few years left on the mortgage.

He was thinking of giving me £500 for general expenses, and carrying on splitting meals and other costs 50/50 as we do now. I'm just trying to ensure I don't end up worse off out of the deal. I know his grocery bills are a lot higher than mine, say £150 a week to my £80.

OP posts:

billsbillsbillsandbills · 22/07/2015 12:17

Will I benefit from his pension? Possibly, assuming we're still together then! He can't draw it for another 20 years so it's a long way off yet.

OP posts:

Debs75 · 22/07/2015 12:23

if he signs a waiver against your house then he shouldn't contribute to the mortgage.
split the bills 50/50 try and rein in grocery costs as his are almost triple yours.
is the 500 weekly or monthly?


Debs75 · 22/07/2015 12:25

oops thought your shop was 60. how does he spend double even if on his own and goes for meals out?


billsbillsbillsandbills · 22/07/2015 12:29

It was £500 a month. For general expenses, not specifically the mortgage or any rent for living here.

But if he's spending an extra £70 or so on shopping, that's already nearly £300 a month (assuming some of our food overlaps, if it doesn't it could even be more). And my council tax will be about £50 extra as I'll lose the single person discount.

Would £150 cover any other increased bills? I guess that's what I'd need to work out.

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Celticlassie · 22/07/2015 12:34

When I moved into now DH's house we added up all his bills and set up a joint bank account, into which we pay an equal monthly amount. All the bills come out of that, plus a bit extra. I earn more than he does (not to the same extent, however,) so offered to pay a bit more, but he says that's the fairest way.


billsbillsbillsandbills · 22/07/2015 12:35

Not sure how he spends that much, I tend to buy more bargain range stuff, shop at Aldi etc whereas he buys brands, eats a lot of good meat, fish etc, and it's not just for him, he has his DC several nights a week so cooks for them too (as well as eating out).

OP posts:

aginghippy · 22/07/2015 12:36

Whatever figure you agree, I'd suggest also agreeing to review the amount after, say, 6 months. Then you will have an idea of the actual costs.


Bubblesinthesummer · 22/07/2015 12:38

if he signs a waiver against your house then he shouldn't contribute to the mortgage

I tend to agree with this.

Also if you get married the house may very well be considered anot asset of the marriage no matter who 'owns it'


IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 22/07/2015 12:44

if he signs a waiver against your house then he shouldn't contribute to the mortgage.

But he should still pay rent to you for the space he'll be living in, as well as the 50/50 costs of food etc.


StarsInTheNightSky · 22/07/2015 12:47

Crikey would it really not just be simpler to put all earnings in one pot and consider it household income, rather than your money and his money?


yellowdinosauragain · 22/07/2015 12:50

Do you have dc living with you? If so I think you should pay more than him for living costs (or agree to split 50/50 to offset his higher grocery bills). If you don't then he should contribute more to account for his dc starting some of the week .

I think you should split all bills including food, council tax, insurance etc except mortgage 50/50 or on an agreed proportion to account for any dc you both have. He shouldn't just be paying for the increases as it's not fair only he benefits from you living together. Then rather than muddy the waters with the mortgage he should pay a higher amount into a joint account for holidays /meals out /treats together to reflect the fact he doesn't have any rental costs .You should also contribute to this but less. Again ,any dc you both have who would benefit from this needs to be accounted for when you agree amounts for each of you .

I don't think it's as easy as saying £500 is enough or not. But this is how I'd work out a fair contribution.


Viviennemary · 22/07/2015 13:00

I know it's not what you asked but I don't understand how you can't afford a pension. if your net income is £3200 a month. I think he should pay you some rent plus a half share of untility bills and council tax. I'd say £300-£400 a month rent plus a half share of all other bills but not house repairs.

If you are living together. I can't see how you can have separate food shopping. I don't think just a general amount to cover all expenses is a good idea because you could end up out of pocket if fuel bills were higher.


worridmum · 22/07/2015 13:00

if he has to pay rent make it lower then what he currently pays now or their really wouldnt be any benifit to him actully moving in would there (as he would not get any %of the house so unless it was cheaper for him to move in with you there would be a good reason to move in as all that would happen is YOU would benifit with less bills)

There are numerous threads on MN telling women if they move in with a bloke not to contrube to morgate or pay rent unless you get your name on the deeds and this is perfectly acceptable but if a man is moving in hes expected to pay 50% of everything but get hardly anything out of it so yes 50% of bills but nothing towards the morgatge etc (or a token amount of 1/3 of what he is paying now in rent so he can save up for his own house even if its just for renting out otherwise he is not in a good finical postion


whois · 22/07/2015 13:03

Crikey would it really not just be simpler to put all earnings in one pot and consider it household income, rather than your money and his money?

Not really. Its a good thing to proceed with financial caution and not be all 'whats mine is yours and whats yours is mine' unless you are at the stage of getting married.

I think 500 pcm is stupidly low and OP could end up out of pocket with increased food and utility bills. He shouldn't pay 'the mortgage' but he should be paying 1/2 of all bills and something for the 'rental' aspect of the mortgage.

I'd actually have a think about what you would charge a lodger for use of a room and bills (and they would be buying their own food remember) and charge him that plus a bit extra to cover his expensive food habits.


AmberFool · 22/07/2015 13:04

Crikey would it really not just be simpler to put all earnings in one pot and consider it household income, rather than your money and his money?

Depends really on what they are comfortable with and if their attitude to money is similar, otherwise it's a no from me.

OP, I think it's great that you are discussing all this before moving in together to avoid potential arguments about it in the future. First of all, work out what the bills are now and what you think it's likely to be with him and his children added (costs of food, water bills, heat, light etc will all go up) and maybe set that as a monthly figure and review it in 6 months, as per pp.

What else he would contribute to in the future (new furniture, redecorating, cost of DIY, garden)? How will you both pay for holidays? For presents?

FWIW, DP moved to mine. He pays me a certain amount a month, covers half the household costs. I don't have a mortgage though.


whois · 22/07/2015 13:06

There are numerous threads on MN telling women if they move in with a bloke not to contribute to mortgage or pay rent unless you get your name on the deeds

Which I disagree with as well. Its not right that one person gets their mortgage paid off by the other person by getting them to pay 1/2 the mortgage, but to just pay bills only is a joke. Situation is more difficult with unmarried coupes having children and living in the mans house. In which case the woman should absolutely get her name on the deeds. And get married.


StarsInTheNightSky · 22/07/2015 13:08

whois and AmberFool lucky for me that DH wasn't a golddigger then, wasn't it? Smile


billsbillsbillsandbills · 22/07/2015 13:12

I can't afford a pension currently - I have £1500 left after my mortgage is paid, of which £400 is food, toiletries, etc. Travel to work/school (my DC live with me, in answer to that question) is another £300. Council tax is £140, gas/electric are £100 each, then there's TV/broadband, mobiles, insurance (another £150), school trips, house repairs/maintenance, holidays, days out, meals etc. I am also putting £100 a month aside for my DC's university fees (yes I don't need to do that, but having spoken to a pension advisor a few years ago he said £100 a month wasn't worth investing in a pension - hence I'm doing something with it that will better benefit my DC!).

I take the point about adjusting living costs as my DC are here 7/7, his will be 3/7 at most. Think I may need some kind of spreadsheet to work this out though.

I really don't want to get too focused on money, but having been taken for a ride by my DC's dad, I'm quite wary this time round.

OP posts:
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