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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About moving in together and splitting costs?

75 replies

billsbillsbillsandbills · 22/07/2015 11:59

How do you work out what's fair?

DP and I are thinking of moving in together, rather he is thinking of moving in with me (as I own my house, he is currently renting as still on mortgage to his XW house) I earn a good salary, can manage without his contribution but he feels (and I agree) he should pay something.

He currently pays £1k per month in rent, I pay £1700 mortgage. I think our food/utility bills are similar, save for he takes his DC out for meals and takeaways weekly, whereas that's more of a monthly treat for my DC.

I wasn't sure whether we should base it on earnings or income? He has his own business (only started up a couple of years ago, he's just taken on his first employees) which makes more than I earn, but he's ploughing lots into a pension and re-investing in the business, so his actual net income is about £1600, whereas mine is double that. However I can't afford a pension and I don't have my own business!

So how much do I ask for? Half? Less than half?

OP posts:
rosy71 · 22/07/2015 13:12

If his net income is £1600 & he's paying £1K per month rent, £150 per week (so £600 monthly) on food & eating out every week, how does he afford anything else????

Silvertap · 22/07/2015 13:15

I think I would do the following in your situation:

Bills split 50:50 inc food.
He pays the rental equivalent into a savings account and you decide what to do with it as a couple. My dh owned when I was just his gf and this is what we did. We spent it on holidays etc in the first year but after that we saved and when we married we paid a lump sum off the mortgage and my name went on the deeds. If we'd split we'd agreed I'd take it away with me as if I hadn't have moved in with dh I'd have bought my own place so this ensured I had a get out find if needed but e had the assurance I wasn't a sponger.

Jenijena · 22/07/2015 13:19

Can you set up a joint account, to which you both contribute equally, for bills, food, and household expenses?

If you can afford the mortgage, and don't want to put him on it, I'd suggest he pays 'rent' to a joint savings account of half the mortgage, but that this becomes the holidays pot.,,

AoifeBell · 22/07/2015 13:19

I was just going to ask that Rosy!

He needs to pay some sort of rent. Just because you have a mortgage doesn't mean he gets to live rent free. He needs to move some of his pension a money and you should split the "rent" 70:30 and half everything else.

Flywheel · 22/07/2015 13:25

Bills etc split 50 50. I don't think you should try to put a figure on it ahead of time. He should certainly pay rent and rather than using this for both your benefit I would consider using it for some sort of pension. If this is done right, both of you should end up better off, not just your oh.

Original poster
billsbillsbillsandbills · 22/07/2015 13:35

He paid his rent 6 or 12 months ahead I think, when he was taking slightly more out of the business. He's cut it down now to reduce his tax liabilities , so his current income is a lot lower. Increasing his income would cause major tax issues so isn't really an option.

OP posts:
MadameJulienBaptiste · 22/07/2015 13:43

Increasing his income wouldn't cause major tax issues it just means he'd pay more tax on a higher income, you know like the rest of us do!!

Tryingtokeepalidonit · 22/07/2015 13:44

My DP moved in with me last weekend. Because I own outright a very valuable house( not boasting just what happens when you buy a derelict ruin 25 years ago and renovate)we made sure legally he has no claim against my DC. After all it is their inheritance from their father. We added up the bills and split them 50:50 then added 40% of the rent he will get for his house. That will go into a 'pot' to be used for extras. This month and next I will have a lot of guests, live by the sea and as a teacher am able to help out with summer child are, so I will pick up the extra costs in food etc.

It is the adult way to sort it out in advance. Money causes so many rows it is worth sitting down and looking at his costs and yours to make them equable. It would be wrong if he was quids in by living with you and might damage the relationship.

I would look at rent for a small flat and add on a percentage of your costs for example if you have two DC make it 70:30 plus extra if his children stay on a regular basis.

RandomMess · 22/07/2015 13:47

Bills including Council tax split 50/50.

Agree a Food etc. budget between you and split that 50:50

THen a fixed amount per month as "rent" without him being able to claim on the house.

PrimalLass · 22/07/2015 14:01

Bills split 50:50 inc food.

I'm not sure h should have to be paying 50/50 as the OP has kids, and he already has to pay maintenance for his own.

Scholes34 · 22/07/2015 14:05

I think you have your head in the sand with regard to pension provision. The longer you leave it to do anything about retirement, the more money you need to put away on a monthly basis. Even £100 a month would be helpful.

As for paying your DCs' university fees, that really would be a waste of any money you have with loans available to them. £100 a year gives £1,200, so you'll be having to save that for about 25 years to pay fees for just one child. That money would be much better saved or invested for your retirement. If you have equity in your house, that's great, but you'll still need somewhere to live.

wwyd123 · 22/07/2015 14:15

I think he should pay 50% of bill and 50% of the mortgage interest. And when he gets takeaways he should treat you and your dc too

DorisLessingsCat · 22/07/2015 14:18

having spoken to a pension advisor a few years ago he said £100 a month wasn't worth investing in a pension is the worst financial advice I've ever, ever heard.

You should have some cash savings for emergencies (aim for 3-6 month's outgoings depending on your other insurances) i.e. if you lose your job - e.g. in a cash ISA.

Absolutely you should be saving into a pension after that - what are your work pension arrangements?

TheHouseOnBellSt · 22/07/2015 14:22

Oh my God. Just get married and pool everything. House, earnings, pensions...either you're a couple or you're not. IMO adult couples who want to live together should do so in the mindset that it's forever. Otherwise just continue as you are...living separately.

faitaccompli · 22/07/2015 14:34

I believe it would be fair to pay 50% of whatever the rent would be on a similar property. And then 50% of all other bills. It should not be considered as paying the mortgage but as paying the equivalent of what he would have been paying had you both been renting. For example, if you rented your property out, and the rental covered the mortgage, you could both move into a rented property and you would obviously split the rent 50./50. So I can't see the difference.

Tryingtokeepalidonit · 22/07/2015 14:41

Sorry TheHouse individual circumstances make that a far more difficult decision. I was widowed in my 40's and that left me in an excellent financial position but I feel I am responsible to my late DH to ensure a legacy is passed on to my DC. However a trust is not a feasible idea because I might need to free up capital for my own retirement. I love my new partner but we will not be building a family together.

nauticant · 22/07/2015 14:41

Half the bills, half the council tax, and half the food on the understanding that particularly posh expensive stuff that you'd not buy is not covered. If rent is also to be added (I'm in two minds over this) then it should be set at a level where each of you benefit roughly equivalently compared to the situation before he moves in.

I'm very Hmm at some of the posts here.

Velociraptor · 22/07/2015 14:44

I think everyone has a different opinion on what is fair. My opinion is that you need to come up with a figure for him to pay, that leaves you both a bit better off than you are now. In my mind that is what would be fair. I found when DH and I first moved in together, as we realised it was going to work, things evolved quite quickly.

FanOfHermione · 22/07/2015 14:47

I would look at what us actually spent so half the bills etc as long as you can both afford it.

Reinvestment within his company are NOT part if his income but his pension is. If by moving together, it cost him more money and he can't pay fir a pension and for the living cost then his pension has to give (as in not as much rather than to stop it altogether!)

As an aside, moving together should mean more disposable income for you so the possibility to put money into a pension.

worridmum · 22/07/2015 14:48

difference is the OP would be so much better off then her DP in effect he would be subsidizing her lifestyle while he gets little in returns while OP gets the house fully paid off and more despoible income

While i agree he should pay some rent but no where near half rental value (and or morgate payments as the rental is often much more then the morgage ) like i said if hes paying 1000 in rent right now maybe charge him 300/400 or so and 50% of bills (even tho the OP will be using far more than half as kids use alot so she will still be getting the better deal so they both benifiet)

but faitaccompli how is that fair if the DP ends up paying nearly as much as renting his own place but with the draw backs of sharing it the OP and her children while the OP greatly benifets with greater disaopible money and paying off her morgatge faster/ cheaper etc

if you want him to pay half the moragage he really needs to be on the deeds otherwise you are taking advatage of the situation (or atleast his contrubtions to be accounted for )

FanOfHermione · 22/07/2015 14:49

Oh and YY to having a joint account fir all the bills.
And some agreement re takeaways etc.... So no children (his or yours) are feeling left out iyswim.

Bubblesinthesummer · 22/07/2015 14:50

Maybe not 50% of the bills though as his children aren't with you all the time whereas yours are, so it would be a little unfair.

FanOfHermione · 22/07/2015 14:55

You know, very honestly, I crying at the idea of having a spreadsheet and calculating to the last little bit how each individual kn the household cost ect...

It would be massively unfair for the OP to be out if pocket. Or for her DP.
As we have no idea about the she if the children, we and I have no idea about cost involved (ie can you compare how much it cost to feed a 5yo compare to a very hungry 15yo who does a lot of sports?)
Of course you can budget to the last pence.

But do you really need to?

Elsashmelsa · 22/07/2015 14:56

When DH and I first lived together we literally totaled up everything (even had a budget for food) including setting up a savings account for Xmas. We then split that total completely down the middle and paid half each.

Our salaries were irrelevant. Each month his half and my half went into a joint account and all the bills came out. He had £300 a month left for himself, I had £1600.

However, when we got married it completely changed. All our money went into the joint account and £250 each went into our own accounts. However, due to the fact that DH had a lot of debts when we first met, I keep a very tight control of the money. I used to have a problem when I was much younger, with spending too much money and I'm terrified of going back there again. So I'm quite strict with what we spend... But it means when we do want to have a splurge, we've got the money there to do it! Smile

FanOfHermione · 22/07/2015 15:00

What about looking at how much you spend at the moment on food and putting that amount together, splitting all the other cost (water, council etc) and then splitting the cost of the mortgage in half?

Tbh how much would he pay to rent a house that size? Probably much lots than £700. So he will benefit from the arrangement t by saving at least £300 that he can save.

As for the 'inconvenience' to share the house with her dcs.... I'm lost for words. How can you see her dcs being an inconvenience? And how us it that they are but his aren't???

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