About moving in together and splitting costs?

[billsbillsbillsandbills]

How do you work out what's fair?

DP and I are thinking of moving in together, rather he is thinking of moving in with me (as I own my house, he is currently renting as still on mortgage to his XW house) I earn a good salary, can manage without his contribution but he feels (and I agree) he should pay something.

He currently pays £1k per month in rent, I pay £1700 mortgage. I think our food/utility bills are similar, save for he takes his DC out for meals and takeaways weekly, whereas that's more of a monthly treat for my DC.

I wasn't sure whether we should base it on earnings or income? He has his own business (only started up a couple of years ago, he's just taken on his first employees) which makes more than I earn, but he's ploughing lots into a pension and re-investing in the business, so his actual net income is about £1600, whereas mine is double that. However I can't afford a pension and I don't have my own business!

So how much do I ask for? Half? Less than half?

[RedDaisyRed]

Because I could take the pension from age 50 and work (take it before they change the rules or confiscate half of pension sums because the state is in a mess or to fund a new war or whatever). Now I have to wait until 55. I just want to get the money out ideally entirely tax free but there is no way to avoid 45% tax on 70% of the sum in there as the state screws you at every turn and the only thing we are sure of (unless you're a benefits claimant or housewife) is death and taxes.

[NameChange30]

Red Why would you care about the retirement age if you're going to work until you die?! Never mind the fact that you could get sick and be incapable of work

[RedDaisyRed]

Another, no, sadly the Governments all screw people over these privaet pensions. Originally I could take mine at 50 that was the contract when I took it out. Now without my consent the state has said 55 is the minimum age adn that's goign up to 57!

Secondly there was no upper amount you could have in a pension. Now the maximum goes down and down each year and if you're over the capital amount you pay a 50% penalty.

Thirdly currently you can take 25% tax free at retirement. I bet that goes before we know it./

I could go on and on. Don't trust private pensions with your money.

Don't get me started on auto enrolment either.

[StaceyAndTracey]

I know too many women in this situation who spend their money on boring things like £300 on car repairs and £1,000 on car insurance . While "generous " live in BF pays for an evening out at £100 and feels he's "treating her ".

So I agree with him paying 50% of bills and 50% of rent on similar property.

Op pays for everything a landlord would on the building eg roof repair , new boiler

They both pay 50:50 for anything a tenant would eg new sofa , redecoration

So they both benefit from the reduction in bills . He saves half of his former rent.

They both continue to gain from the mortgages they are paying - as he owns half of the house with his wife and Op owns her own house . When his ex sells the house, he will get a lump sum . Whereas OP can't realise the value that's in her house , which I think is almost mortgage free .

However he continues to save a lot by investing in his business and his pension, while she saves nothing. Major problem , as many others have pointed out

[NameChange30]

RedDaisyRed I think you're confusing a state pension and private pension. You get a state pension (a pitiful amount) if you've paid enough national insurance contributions throughout your life. A private pension is what you (and your employer if you have one) pay into. There are laws on private pensions - and, crucially, tax relief, unlike for investment property - but the government doesn't have control over your money.

[Stitchintime1]

The OP has none of the things you outlined as alternatives to a pension.

[RedDaisyRed]

Depends though. I have my own business and will not retire - my father worked until he was almost dead. Plenty of people have a property they let out - those investments can give you as much control as a pension particularly for those of us with no employer to put any contribution in and faced with a state which year by year strips us of pensino benefits. It si a big risk to trust the state on pensions.

[Stitchintime1]

The pension advice is still crap though. Your children should get a loan. Yes, they are high, but #100 a month is a drop in the ocean though. And #100 in a pension would be a good start. You need to sort your own personal finances out before you start deciding how to divide things with him.

[Lashalicious]

What Stars and Chrome says makes a lot of sense to me and keeps it from getting complicated.

My husband and I have never had any problems with putting all our money together, and when we decided that I would stay home with our son, it was a natural extension of what we were already doing, as in the money was ours, not his or mine. I take care of all the finances and we make big financial decisions together. I think if you start out dividing things up this way or that, it makes things so much more complicated and problems may arise. My husband had no qualms whatsoever giving over all of his finances to me to manage as ours, in fact I've tried to get him to have a turn at doing the finances haha! but he doesn't enjoy doing it so I do it.

We both worked for ten years actually together at the same company, until I had our son. We have had zero problems with finances and I believe it makes us more of a team, we trust each other enough to put it all together if that makes sense. We're in this thing for the long haul, I guess I'm saying, so I would advise not moving in together unless you're sure this is a long term commitment. If it's not, then I guess keeping your money completely separate and splitting everything down the middle is a good way to go, and have him sign a waiver but also have him contribute to the mortgage definitely, I would say half! The fact it is your house doesn't get him out of paying his half since he will be living there! I guess I am old fashioned that way and would not be essentially be paying for a man to live with me, that is kind of crazy in my opinion.

[billsbillsbillsandbills]

No plans for any children together. And unless I'm sure my house is protected, we wouldn't get married (sounds materialistic I know, but my house is worth a lot, his assets are a lot less, and all tied up in business/pension).

My employers have only offered a pension for the last couple of years (since whenever the rules came in making it compulsory) but I couldn't afford the minimum contribution, hence investing my money elsewhere.

[nauticant]

Hmmm. I thought that looked wrong and see it's only part of the story. If I didn't put in any money the annual pension input would be around £5000. By foregoing just over £2000 the input is nearly £10000.

[nauticant]

I also disagree with the pension advice. If I pay in £300 per month my employer pays in £500 (ish). My payment is gross (ie it's equivalent to me losing £180 per month from my salary). So that means over the year I forego just over £2000 and my pension receives an input of nearly £10000.

[Stitchintime1]

Are you planning on having children with him? Because if not, I'd forget about living together. But I would sort out the pension.

[Stitchintime1]

No idea about the split, but I'd be getting some better advice about a pension.

[kickassangel]

And you can always agree that this will be the arrangement for the first year, to be reviewed later.

If you end up marrying, then his pension/business become your concern, and your house becomes his, so a whole rethink would be needed.

[kickassangel]

Why not forget the numbers and decide on priorities first?
e.g - sufficient money to care for kids (yours and his) as number 1 priority.
2 - mortgage.
3 - food & bills.

The majority of bills can be very varied, e.g. you have a certain amount of control over how much you spend on fuel & food. Obviously there's a bottom figure that is hard to reduce, but usually you can decide to turn up the heat, eat out more etc. and increase those bills if you have the cash left over.

So, decide what is most important, who is paying what % of that, then assign the money to it. Hopefully you will then end up with a number that you can afford. Work out a practical way to make sure that payments happen, then think about it for a bit.

It has the advantage of making sure that you both agree priorities without haggling about actual numbers, before you commit to anything. IF you can't agree on priorities, then you should rethink the living together idea.

I totally disagree with the advice you got about a pension, btw. I've always been told to pay in whatever you can afford, from as young as possible, even if only 10 pounds a month. If you find yourself slightly better off from living together, then start making some savings for yourself - your kids will also benefit from a mum who is able to care for herself when they are at the age of raising a family and working etc.

[riverboat1]

OP, how about

• he pays you directly by transfer for a fixed monthly cost that is half of utilities and household fixed bills
  

• you set up a joint account and each pay a certain amount into it per month, and use it for grocery shopping. You can decide if this should be half each or slightly modified re from you because you have full time children there, or slightly more from him because he prefers to spend more money on better brands/luxury products
  

• you split bills for eating out/holidays etc on an as-and-when basis
  

• you don't have him contribute anything towards your mortgage, or else he adds a few hundred quid per month onto his bank transfer to you for utilities and household fixed bills.

[RedDaisyRed]

You probably need a written cohabitation agreement as if he pays the mortgage he might claim a share of the house or the Government might if it's very foolish change the law to give marital type rights to live in lovers.

[riverboat1]

TheHouse, I think that's an unnecessary and unrealistic mindset, especially if there are already children on one or both sides, and if one or both parties have been married before and already gone through a divorce and asset-split.

[billsbillsbillsandbills]

I'm a little reluctant to agree he shouldn't contribute towards utility bills on the basis of him paying for holidays as he doesn't really do holidays (long weekends/odd nights away yes, a week in the Med no) and I just think that might not be fair to me, or my DC (their father is entirely feckless, this house and whatever else I earn/save is the sum total of their inheritance. So I'm quite careful with money and protecting us).

[Sallyingforth]

My DP lives with me in my (mortgaged) house. He doesn't pay rent or utility bills, at my insistence, so he has no claim on the house.

But he pays for everything we do outside the house - holidays, entertaining etc, and is very generous when at the jewellers shopping.

We have an understanding that when we marry he will pay off the mortgage from the sale of his currently rented-out flat.

[museumum]

I reckon to start with your dh should give you £500 rent (that way he saves £500 on what he was paying before and you gain £500). Then you split all bills/food etc 50/50 as you go along. You'll probably find your food shop meets in the middle if you're eating together.

[TheHouseOnBellSt]

Lid yes I see....it's not as clear for some people at all. But saying that, OP is not a widow...

[MazyCrummy]

I kind of had the opposite - I moved in with DP (now DH) with my DC. I earn significantly more than him but it was his mortgage. He has a good pension, mine is awful.

I transfer half of the total bills (including mortgage) into his account each month - I know that seems like I'm contributing to something that isn't mine but we agreed to do that and then 'ignore' the extra expense of my DC. I do most of the grocery shopping, we split everything else roughly equally.

We got married at Christmas but were both happy to carry on as we were financially.

[NameChange30]

I absolutely agree with Scholes34 (14:05)

What on earth are you going to do without an income when you retire?

Pensions are the most tax efficient form of saving. The mortgage "adviser" who told you it wasn't worth it was talking absolute bullshit. All employers have to have a pension scheme and will usually match your contributions (up to a certain amount). It's madness not to do it.

Whatever you do about the new living/financial arrangements, get a bloody pension!