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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel let down by DH

23 replies

WutheringShites · 21/07/2015 15:02

Just wanting to get some perspective really as this has been playing on my mind.
I've just come to the end of a 6 month voluntary placement working in a role that I would love to be employed in. DH knows this and has been supportive throughout and knows how much I want to find paid work in this particular field.
Anyway at the weekend we were at a social event and we bumped into someone who DH had previously worked on projects with but hasn't seen in a few years. I was introduced as " this is xxxxx, my wife" and they went on to chat.
It turns out that this man is actually the chief exec of the organisation who I have just been volunteering for, and no in my position as a volunteer I had never met or seen him while working so didn't know him from Adam until afterwards when DH told me.

I suppose what I'm asking is AIBU to think it was odd that my DH didn't say anything more at the time knowing how much I want to work for the organisation? I wasn't expecting "this is xxxx give her a job" but it does strike me as odd not to mention that I'd been working within the same organisation and it would have been a helpful introduction.

OP posts:

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 21/07/2015 15:05

Maybe because he hasnt seen him for years, he knows it would be incredibly rude to ring him and say "my wife is volunteering for you, please employ her"

Didnt you say something there and then? "Oh, XXXX? Ive just finished a brilliant voluntary contract there, its a great place to work! Let me give you my email incase any jobs open up"

Original poster

WutheringShites · 21/07/2015 15:09

ThinkIveBeenHacked Yes that would be incredibly rude, where have I indicated that I wanted him to ring him???

OP posts:

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/07/2015 15:13

I do think your dh could have said that you were working for the organisation.

Theycallmemellowjello · 21/07/2015 15:13

No you're absolutely not u to feel let down. Your dh was very inconsiderate.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 21/07/2015 15:15

If your DH knew this person from a while ago would it be possible that he wasn't sure if he was still in the field that you've been doing your experience in and as such didn't think it relevant/appropriate to mention that you're in the field? (does that make sense?)
Could it be that your DH didn't see this as an appropriate time to 'network' as it was social event and not related to a work event?
Not saying that he couldn't have put in a good word for you he definitely could have done a bit more than he did but perhaps there is a time and place???

Try not to feel too let down with your other half. He probably just didn't think.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/07/2015 15:17

It's just odd that he didn't. Like, 'how funny, my DW is volunteering there' kind of thing. Is he embarrassed of you? Otherwise it would have been completely normal to say that.

WayneRooneysHair · 21/07/2015 15:17

I'd probably have done the same as your DH, he hadn't seen him for a few years and it would have been a bit weird to suddenly say that you currently volunteer for XXX.

I've had a similar situation happen to me and I'd be lying if I said that it didn't put me on the spot.

Happy36 · 21/07/2015 15:20

Would he have forgotten? My DH is quite good but my brothers would both definitely make that kind of error, as would my dad.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 21/07/2015 15:21

Doubt very much the chief exec gets that involved with employing volunteers. If your DH had introduced you I suspect at most you would have got a "That's great hope you've enjoyed the experience, volunteers area big asset to us"

I really don't think your future career hinged on this moment

AuntyMag10 · 21/07/2015 15:22

I think yabu, he may not have said anything because he probably thought it would come across as asking for a job. You have just finished there, and looking for a permanent job so it would seem like he might be put on the spot.
My dh is very senior in a global company and I never mention or talk about where he works as I know people always try to get me to ask him to look at their cvs.

8angle · 21/07/2015 15:31

If you think that your DH actively decided not to mention anything to this man then YANBU to think it was odd.

If however you think your DH bumped into a former colleague, was pleased top see him, catch up on old times and didn't put 2 and 2 together about his job and your volunteering then YABU.

I would talk to DH and find out if it was a conscious decision or just a brain fart!

Original poster

WutheringShites · 21/07/2015 15:37

Thank you for all of your responses, it's good to see both sides.
I think that it just struck me as odd not to even mention it but I guess he could have been embarrassed to bring it up. The organisation is just a small local charity so not a global company and the deputy chief exec began as a volunteer receptionist so miracles can happen!

OP posts:

Original poster

WutheringShites · 21/07/2015 15:42

8angle I very briefly asked DH straight afterwards why he'd not mentioned it and he said that he didn't think that I'd want him to say anything. I've no idea why he thought that though as he knows that I'm actively looking for a paid role???

OP posts:

8angle · 21/07/2015 15:48

In that case YANBU, it was odd of him not to say anything! And as you said this person is deputy CEO of a small local charity not a Global company, so i would have thought it would have been an obvious thing to mention.

Are they goods enough friends that you could get DH to contact them say "hi great, to see you the other evening, would love to catch up some more - why don't you come over / let's all go out ..."?

Topseyt · 21/07/2015 15:52

I don't quite get the problem. Your DH is acquainted from some time ago with this guy who happens to be senior in the organisation you have just been volunteering for?

But your DH himself does NOT work for the guy, and may not have seen him for a long time? If that is so then it is just coincidence that you happen to have been volunteering for the acquaintance's organisation.

Somehow I just don't think it would have been your DH's place to try to put in a word to get you a job, and it is coming across as though that is what you wanted. He just doesn't sound as though he is in a position to, though I accept I may have misunderstood.

Original poster

WutheringShites · 21/07/2015 16:02

Can I just clarify that I wasn't expecting DH to put a good word in for me. What I found odd was that he didn't mention that I'd worked for the organisation. I suppose the fact that I would like a job there is a bit of a red herring, for instance if you were introducing two people for the first time who you knew worked for the same company would you mention it? To me it just seemed more odd not to but I am prepared to accept that I am being unreasonable if that is the case.

OP posts:

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 21/07/2015 16:07

Why didn't you say anything OP? You were introduced, you were present. I think YWBU not to make a comment yourself.

Original poster

WutheringShites · 21/07/2015 16:16

First As I said in the OP DH introduced me to the other person but I wasn't given an introduction so had no idea who he was until afterwards. Had I known and been introduced to him properly I would have briefly mentioned that I had just finished volunteering there and how much I had enjoyed it.

OP posts:

museumum · 21/07/2015 16:21

Yanbu. I always try to say something if two people I'm introducing have something in common. It's good social skills.
I guess to me it sounds like he didn't really want you to chat to this guy, maybe he wanted to catch up with him himself? Didn't want you two talking "shop" and excluding him? If so that's quite selfish really.

sweetheart · 21/07/2015 16:27

Why don't you search for this guy on facebook / linkedin etc and add him as a friend. Send him a pm saying that you met briefly at a recent party and explain that you have been doing voluntary work and would it be ok to send over your CV for if any job openings arise. Don't let the opportunity be wasted,

Spartans · 21/07/2015 18:04

As he said he thought you wouldn't want him to. He made a call, you aren't happy. He probably thought it would come across as though he was fishing for a job for you.

Personally I find these situations incredibly difficult. One of my clients is a company that everyone wants sponsorship from (fitness industry) one of the top people come to my gym. I never point out who he is when we arrive because I know he is bombarded with sponsorship requests and it makes it awkward. Or it looks like I am saying 'yes this is my friend and he runs x company.....aren't I awesome'

Those things probably don't enter people's heads. It's my issue. But it's still makes me feel awkward

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 21/07/2015 18:13

I like Sweetheart's idea. LinkdIn is probably more appropriate than Facebook.

Muldjewangk · 21/07/2015 21:29

I think your H was acting a bit strange OP, most people would have said when introducing you. "This is my wife Wuthering and she has just finished a six month voluntary placement at your organisation." How hard was that, seems to me like the perfect opportunity was missed. Many people get jobs through someone they know.

I find it quite frustrating the amount of people who misread the OP original post.

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