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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find teenage girls quite unbearable?!

64 replies

Katrina43 · 21/07/2015 14:49

I have two teenage girls DD13 and DD15. I find the continuous drama quite unbearable and am trying to detach a bit !!
It is usually their friendships( which seem more immature than when they were at primary) that causes the most angst in this house. I have always encouraged an open forum at home but now I'm beginning to wish I didn't know. They seem to be best friends one minute, spend all their time together or on facetime then it all comes crashing down and they are frozen out of social occasions and bitched about on social media etc and spend days moping at home. Then its someone else's turn to be frozen out and they are back in! Is this normal and when the hell does it stop?!

Apart from this we have the usual sulking, screaming, drama filled days then lovely for a few days its a real rollercoaster. I think I struggle as all I want is for them to be happy and confident people and since puberty both have vanished.

OP posts:

Tory79 · 21/07/2015 14:51

Teenage girls are the main reason I am thrilled to have 2 boys

TeenAndTween · 21/07/2015 14:54

YABU. My teenage girl is delightful.

dexter73 · 21/07/2015 14:54

I didn't have this drama with my dd. Her friendships have always been fairly steady. There have been fallings out but they have always made up pretty quickly. Are they at an all girl's school?

BitOutOfPractice · 21/07/2015 14:55

We have the friendship thing. But screaming and sulking? Nope.

maudpringles · 21/07/2015 14:55

We have 2 dd's and they get along very well.
However our next door neighbours have 2ds's and they fight non stop

Original poster

Katrina43 · 21/07/2015 15:23

They do go to a very big all girls school. Year 7 and 8 had the odd drama but were rare but now it seems there is never more than a couple of weeks before some fiasco of "they said this about me" "they've not invited me" "they knew I liked him and she snogged him" starts minor then by he time a few other girls have picked sides and made digs on social media its an all out war. I think they forget what its even about after a while

OP posts:

IrianofWay · 21/07/2015 15:25

Well I only have one and she's really nice. Maybe it's worse with more than one

dexter73 · 21/07/2015 15:33

I'm not surprised they are at an all girls school which is why I asked! From my experience they seem to be worse for that sort of drama between friends.

MoreBeta · 21/07/2015 15:40

Katrina - if its any help my two teenage sons DS13 and DS15 also confirm that girls at this age a nightmare and say pretty much what you said. The are mystified by the bitching and all the falling out that goes on.

I suggest you strictly control use of social media as that is where a lot of it happens. Our DSs are not allowed on after 8 pm. No computers or phones in bedrooms at all. Problem is teens just cant switch off social media. It becomes too dominant a force in their life. It envelopes every aspect - you have to help them step away.

DSs are at a mixed sex private school so it seems fairly common regardless of setting.

EponasWildDaughter · 21/07/2015 15:43

4 daughters here.

Older 3 are only 2 years apart and are teens and early 20s now.

We've had the occasional drama over friendships (mostly with DD3, 17) over the years at primary and the beginning of secondary. Certainly no screaming.

No real truk with social media either. In fact the eldest 2 had face book for a couple of years and then deleted themselves as they were sick of all the posturing and posing. No.3 uses it to promote her chosen career.

Perhaps give it a couple of years OP. 13 and 15 is still quite young/childlike.

Samcro · 21/07/2015 15:53

y might bu
my dd is a delight (not a teen now) but maybe it is the one time sn is a good thing

Original poster

Katrina43 · 21/07/2015 15:53

It is think I'm just dreading the summer holidays!DD15 is currently begging/crying that she will be socially outcast if I don't buy her alcohol as "All the other mums do". So my battle with her is trying to keep her out of being drunk in local park and away from certain friends houses who are happy to buy them endless amounts of alcohol. Then at the other end of spectrum DD13 has fallen out with her best friend and is sulking in her room saying "My holidays are going to be so crap" whilst staring at facebook at all the fun others are having, she has not left the house for 5 days !

OP posts:

FayKorgasm · 21/07/2015 15:54

My teen girls are quiet and no drama or screaming from them. Teen ds on the other hand is loud,attention seeking and loves drama (but also very loving and thoughtful to balance it). Its not having teen girls its having teenagers.

FayKorgasm · 21/07/2015 15:56

I can guarantee you 99% of other parents are not buying their teen alcohol.

hellsbellsmelons · 21/07/2015 16:00

Year 7 & 8 - that's a delightful age!
Mine is now 17 and soooo much better.
I went through hell with mine but she is out the other side now.
As they say when they are babies, toddlers etc... 'This too shall pass!'

Scholes34 · 21/07/2015 16:01

What they need is and Xbox one and Fifa. Things are all very calm in our household with DS16 and DS14.

DD17 has never been one for screaming. As for alcohol, DC at that age seem to be all set on going from stone cold sober to jolly drunk in no time, usually by means of neat vodka. I've always told DD that beer is the way to go.

christinarossetti · 21/07/2015 16:01

I work in various settings with people who teach/support adolescents and young adults and the negative effects of social media are something that increasingly gets mentioned as a stresser of young people.

They can't get away from each other, in the way we used to when we had to beg our mum and argue with our siblings to get hold of the one phone in the house.

Could you impose some tight boundaries around social media, or are they beyond that?

Scholes34 · 21/07/2015 16:02

Oh, golly. DD is now 18 and it's cider for her.

Original poster

Katrina43 · 21/07/2015 16:10

I say girls as my son was different he was into the playstation. I used to have to nag him to eat and wash he'd have happily spent 24 hours a day on it but he had very few dramas!

DD's are a rollercoaster of emotions and are quite exhausting!

OP posts:

Misslgl88 · 21/07/2015 16:12

Haha I had these teen dramas with friends at that age I remember it well! Obviously there was no such thing as social media when I was at secondary school 9 years ago so didn't have that aspect!

I am not looking forward to my DC using the 'everyone else' excuse but am practising my answers for when it starts. Eldest DD is coming 7 and already has an attitude and stomps about like she owns the place, I am not looking forward to teen years.

As for the alcohol thing id imagine a very small amount if people's parents would buy them it.

How long does the 'if Jenny jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?' Work for???

silverglitterpisser · 21/07/2015 16:15

Yanbu, not even a bit! I have a teen DD, the love of my life but she is moody, snippy, angry, demanding, argumentative, oh I could go on. Just sooooo frustrating. Damn hormones steal daughters from about age 12 - 19, can't wait til they give my gorgeous girl back!

Original poster

Katrina43 · 21/07/2015 16:23

Silverglitterpisser I am sorry you have the same issues with your DD but also pleased I'm not alone was beginning to question where I'd gone wrong!

I don't give in to the "so and so's parents let them" but I do know a number who do. She knows I won't give in but she still tries it on she is relentless!

OP posts:

andyourlittledogtoo · 21/07/2015 16:34

Am not surprised to hear they're at all girls schools!! Think what you've described is quite typical actually.

YouTheCat · 21/07/2015 16:43

I went to an all girls school and I can't remember any drama at all. I can't remember any major falling out situations. There was the very occasional spat and that was it.

Weathergames · 21/07/2015 16:49

My DD is 16 and I have never had this with her, she has 2 brothers though.

My 2 DSD's are 8 and 10 and constantly at each other's throats, grassing each other up, punching, kicking, spitting, hitting each other with hairbrushes.

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