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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find teenage girls quite unbearable?!

64 replies

Katrina43 · 21/07/2015 14:49

I have two teenage girls DD13 and DD15. I find the continuous drama quite unbearable and am trying to detach a bit !!
It is usually their friendships( which seem more immature than when they were at primary) that causes the most angst in this house. I have always encouraged an open forum at home but now I'm beginning to wish I didn't know. They seem to be best friends one minute, spend all their time together or on facetime then it all comes crashing down and they are frozen out of social occasions and bitched about on social media etc and spend days moping at home. Then its someone else's turn to be frozen out and they are back in! Is this normal and when the hell does it stop?!

Apart from this we have the usual sulking, screaming, drama filled days then lovely for a few days its a real rollercoaster. I think I struggle as all I want is for them to be happy and confident people and since puberty both have vanished.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 21/07/2015 16:51

"I find the continuous drama quite unbearable and am trying to detach a bit !!"

I feel your pain. DD goes to a mixed school and friendship fall-outs are the bane of my life. Year 10 has been the worst so far because boys have come into the equation.

Bitchiness is not confined to all girls schools and not confined just to girls. The nastiest stuff DD has had to deal with is from her ex boyfriend.

Petradreaming · 21/07/2015 16:52

Social Media is evil. Particularly those sites that allow posters to comment anonymously. Really quite dangerous. My daughter, who is a really nice girl, was bullied terribly via social media resulting in her leaving school at 17 and not going on to 6th form.
If you have any influence at all, I would steer them away from that.

BareGrylls · 21/07/2015 17:00

Two DS's here and none of this, we had plenty of sulking and screaming when they were four though.
They do comment on girls in their peer group who seem to thrive on drama and histrionics.

howabout · 21/07/2015 17:01

I have DD14 and 12. Quite glad they are at a co-ed school. They are best friends with each other and also have quite a lot of boys in their friendship circle. I do limit their social media access and they are apparently the only 2 pupils in the school who do not have mobiles.

We do have hormonal dramas sometimes (all the time) though but DD3 who is 3 can usually manage to out tantrum them which defuses quite a lot Grin

YANBU

CamelHump · 21/07/2015 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Katrina43 · 21/07/2015 17:07

It is a strange friendship circle they both have. DD1's are slightly better but DD2's friendships are pretty shallow, there is no loyalty amongst them at all. If queen bee says they are "out" of the group they all turn on them its really childish then before you know it its all ok again. Then I'm expected to forget the messages I am shown and fake a smile when they turn up on my doorstep! Saying that we only hear one side and DD is quite a diva at times.

I know the website you mean ask.fm it is vile. Its hard trying to monitor it as most of what DD does is on her phone which she has a password for and never leaves so no chance of snooping ;) I don't think they are on ask.fm but are on facebook and instagram where its all a big popularity contest of who can get the most likes and followers.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 21/07/2015 17:08

It gets better honestly my youngest left school this year and i will not be sad to see the back of all the school drama i didnt get involved though the less interest you have the less they harp on about it. Just stand firm and take no lip

SunnyBaudelaire · 21/07/2015 17:08

try to discourage social media, if you want to do them a favour.

Bunbaker · 21/07/2015 17:09

"and they are apparently the only 2 pupils in the school who do not have mobiles."

I think it is very unusual for children of that age not to have mobiles. I allow DD (15) quite a lot of freedom and independence because she has a mobile. I would feel uncomfortable her being out and about with no means to contact me. Public telephones are as rare as hen's teeth these days.

Mrsjayy · 21/07/2015 17:11

My eldest is early 20s the palavas were worse in her years than her sister personality plays a large part in it dd1 is highly strung where as dd2 couldnt be arsed with it

IHaveBrilloHair · 21/07/2015 17:12

Dd's so far been fine with friendships, her thing is huffing and sulking about everything/nothing, drives me mad.
She has full access to social media as not all of her friends including her boyfriend are local.

Mrsjayy · 21/07/2015 17:13

Yy boys are bitchy too bunbaker

Bonsoir · 21/07/2015 17:17

On the mobile issue: I have just completed my DD's online registration for the first year of secondary school and was required to give both her email address and mobile number (not the same as mine or her father's). It sounds very odd to me for a secondary DC not to have a mobile.

christinarossetti · 21/07/2015 20:47

Surely you could leave those bits of the form blank if your dd didn't have either?

Mistigri · 21/07/2015 20:55

My 12 year old DS (just finished Y8) doesn't have a mobile. Never asked for one. Has his own PC and skypes his friends. School is 2 mins walk from our front door and he has a key.

Anyway to answer the OP, YABU! My 14 year old is charming (mostly) and her friends are nice too. No particular friendship dramas in the last year or so.

Bunbaker · 21/07/2015 21:03

"School is 2 mins walk from our front door and he has a key."

School is a rural bus ride away. There is a school bus and that is it. If the bus breaks down or doesn't turn up she needs rescuing. This is one of the reasons she has a mobile.

howabout · 21/07/2015 21:13

School doesn't even have my mobile number because I hardly ever switch it on. My landline receives texts etc. I am a SAHP with a toddler and we live over the road from the school. I do have a "family" mobile which DD borrow if they need to.

dementedma · 21/07/2015 21:20

Social media can be brutally cruel. My DDS are now 24 and 21. Compared to what I read on MN we had a pretty easy time with them, although dd2 did move in with her grandma for a while to get away from going constantly head to head with dh. Other than that, no real dramas to speak of that thankfully.
Ds is 13 so we shall see how it unfolds......

fourtothedozen · 21/07/2015 21:27

Sorry- no I don't agree.
My 15 yo DD is a delight. Hardworking, polite, helpful, loving and funny. We have a very harmonious relationship.

Bunbaker · 21/07/2015 21:43

How do you get a hardworking, motivated 15 year old DD that has never been bullied or had friendship issues?

Original poster
Katrina43 · 21/07/2015 21:43

We used to be a harmonious family then puberty wrecked it. They have lovely moments but they are few and far between this week.

OP posts:
Original poster
Katrina43 · 21/07/2015 21:44

No idea Bunbaker I wish I knew Wine

OP posts:
revealall · 21/07/2015 21:46

Bun baker
I had a similar rural bus journey but in the 80's before mobiles. Didn't need them. Bus never broke down and I missed it once and just went home. I won't be leaving work to pick up children who get in wrong once in s while.
I now work somewhere rural that has no signal so don't bother with a phone. Have broken down once and no one who stopped to help had any signal.
Don't be think that mobiles are the answer to everything.

Bunbaker · 21/07/2015 21:53

Unfortunately the school bus service is underfunded and the buses break down/don't turn up/bus driver goes the wrong way quite frequently. Usually OH or I am at home to come to the rescue.

The school isn't on a service bus route so the school buses are essential, and DD has joint problems and couldn't manage the 5 mile walk.

The school has complained to the bus company many times and they have even been on the front page of the local paper because of their crap service, but nothing gets done.

GirlsTimesThree · 21/07/2015 22:12

I've got three DDs, one is no longer a teenager, but we never had any problems with friendships at (their all girls) schools. The youngest has had the odd movement of friendship group, but not really any nastiness. The others have gone through their various schools without issue.
I've loved having teenagers - they're funny, optimistic and so enthusiastic, not yet cynical or worn down by life. They have their moments, but on the whole I love having my house full of young people!