to not let her go to the school disco

[haveabreakhaveakitkat]

End of term school disco tomorrow night.

Dd (8) has been foul for a couple of weeks. Simply a very rude, and at time downright nasty, little madam. I suspect she's worn out and needs the holidays to rest but she's old enough to know that tiredness does not excuse talking to her family like dirt, rolling eyes, slamming doors, stamping up the stairs etc.

Nothing has been working discipline wise (taking stuff away, early bed etc) and at one point I went in the loo and burst into tears. She's making us all miserable

She's already upset me since getting home from school (demanded her apple chopped up and stamped around and called me mean for saying 'I'll do it in 5 minutes').

If I tell her 'If you're rude to me again or stamp or slam a door again you won't be going to the disco tomorrow' and follow through with it, is that really harsh?

No I don't think that's harsh as long as you warn her first. I did the same for ds's end of term Cub's campfire night, felt awful but they need to know there is a limit.

Go for it. Make it very clear though so it can't be sprung on her.

It sounds about right to me. But if you give her the warning, you MUST follow through. Even if that means a terrible night of screaming and tantrums instead.

Nope - done similar myself before now. My dcs know that one of the house rules is that if you can't behave in the house and be civil to people there, you're not getting loose outside to do the same in public. Works like a charm

i wouldn't have even bothered with a warning.
no disco for her.
you do not need to negotiate and bargain with an 8 year old madam.
no compromise.
and very, very, very little else for the summer holidays if she doesn't cop herself on.

You could even say what you said in your OP - that you understand she's tired, but that it is no excuse for being rude and uncooperative and if she is too tired to treat her family reasonably then she is clearly too tired for something like an end of term disco.

I would not have cut up her apple. She would not be getting an apple or anything else before teatime having spoken to me like that. I would not be engaging in conversation with her in this frame of mind. She would be tidying her room under close supervision and helping me make the dinner / lay the table / deal with the laundry. She would then be reading quietly till bedtime. She might still get to the disco if her attitude improved.

OTOH it is pouring with rain here so she might be out in the back garden getting soaked until she stops slamming doors etc.

YANBU at all. I have a 10 year old son who's behaving in a similar manner lately and I've punished him in a similar way. It certainly makes them think twice...for a while!

Thanks all. Warning has been given and she's trying hard - I can actually see her struggling to hold her tongue! I'm hoping a few mornings of lie in's will help as the last couple weeks have been hectic (not excusing her behaviour but it doesn't help).

Good on you haveabreak- it's for her own good.