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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be confused about making OUR will when we have kids from previous marriages...

28 replies

howtodowills · 20/07/2015 11:56

Posting here for traffic and keen for advice....

DP and I been together 2.5yrs. Both have kids from prev (him 2, me 1).

As we are both divorced we want to sort our wills out.

We are just so confused about how to do it!

At the moment the house we live in is in my name but we will be getting a joint mortgage soon. It's likely the equity will be around £180K mine and £100K his so we always said we would have that written in... But what about the rest of the will? How do we manage the kids?

Would be interested to see how others have done it.

We are 35 and 40 and kids are still young so not planning on going anywhere but just want to make sure all the paperwork is taken care of just in case!

thanks

OP posts:
TaurielTest · 20/07/2015 12:00

Sounds complicated enough that you should sit down with a solicitor rather than using a more basic will-writing service. Is it possible that you'll go on to have children with your DP, or that you will marry?

19lottie82 · 20/07/2015 12:00

I guess the main question is, when you both are no more, are you happy to split everything 3 ways, even though you have one kid, to his 2), or do you want your child to have a more proportionate share (.e. a half, rather than a third)?

Newlywed2013 · 20/07/2015 12:20

Your child gets your share, his children gets his share. I think that's fair. and how I would do mine.

FellOffMyUnicorn · 20/07/2015 12:29

you split your half between your children (including any you may have in the future with DP) and he does the same, and its all good

SmilingHappyBeaver · 20/07/2015 12:39

You can put a clause in to say that the remaining person gets to stay in the house for the rest of their life, and only on the second death are the assets divided by an agreed proportion. You need to make sure that the relatives cannot force the sale of the house when the first one of you dies.

Never trust relatives to act sensibly when there's money involved, particularly if they're not blood relatives.

CeliaLytton · 20/07/2015 12:41

As pp have said, the most straightforward solution would be to work out what each of you 'own', then split your share between your kids and his between his. You may want to write a clause into the will stating that the widow/er can remain in the family home until their death/until they marry again, that way the one left behind would not have to sell the house, but that will depend on how much money you have not tied up in the home.

Do you plan on having children together?

RachelRagged · 20/07/2015 12:42

Reminds me of a joke (but you would have to have children with each other for it to fit yourselves)

Hollywood Family.

"Darling" says wife to Husband "Your kids and my kids keep fighting with our kids". Smile

On a proper answering post note would those people who hang around WHS and the like have any idea how you would go about wording the will ?

8angle · 20/07/2015 12:45

I think as other people have said - it all depends on what you see as fair - split 3 ways between the 3 DC's or 50/50 between your's and his DC's. If you want the survivor to remain in the house then definitely have it that they have "lifetime use". I would also recommend sitting down with a solicitor to do this - professional advice may seem like a cost right now, but at the time when it pays off is when one of you or your children are in a very emotional and vulnerable situation following a bereavement. You will want everything planned and laid out with zero ambiguity, because as a previous poster said, once money is involved all reasoning can go out the window.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/07/2015 12:47

You need a solicitor to get it right. You need to own your house in the correct way. Decide whether you want the 80k difference to be ring fenced as a lump sum, or as a proportion of the value. If you'd invested the 80k elsewhere, you'd expect it to grow. Do you want your spouse to have use of the house until the end of their life? That requires a trust. Get a solicitor.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/07/2015 12:48

Btw, saw a case recently where Barclays will writing service has forgotten to transfer the house properly, meant a woman completely missed out on her inheritance, was worth hundreds of thousands of pounds.

hibbledibble · 20/07/2015 13:07

I think smiling has a good idea here.

Purplepoodle · 20/07/2015 13:11

Honesty if your not married in wouldn't be getting a joint mortgage. I would be keeping house in my name

IDontDoIroning · 20/07/2015 13:13

You aren't married and have children, you each need to protect your own children's interest without detriment to your partner.

I would suggest you own the house in shares realise to your individual equity with each persons share going to their own children on death with the survivor being alowed to live in it until they sell up to release their equity, die or marry.
If you get married you must make a new will unless you do this one and state it is in contemplation of marriage.

LaLyra · 20/07/2015 13:21

It depends if you want to split equally amongst the children or have percentages. We have 5 children - 1 his, 2 mine & 3 ours, but we both want all 5 to inherit equally.

Tenants in common on the house so we each own 50%. Each 50% is willed equally to the 5 children with the surviving party having a life interest (cn't remember the exact wording). That way the survivor can't be forced to sell to give the children their share, but equally a remarriage or changed will can't take that 50% away from the kids (the survivor could still change their will for their 50% though). Other items/accounts willed depending on where they are going, joint account obviously transfers to the other.

I'd recommend getting a proper will drawn up. If it's not done right then it can get very ugly. I also wouldn't rely on someone 'doing the right thing'. If one party dies and the other remarries then anything can happen. I know a couple who died within 10 months of each other. The husband hadn't got round to sorting his will after his wife died and her daughter, who he brought up as his own for her whole life, got nothing. His siblings, who he barely had anything to do with, got everything so it's really worth getting right.

BadLad · 20/07/2015 13:24

We have 5 children - 1 his, 2 mine & 3 ours, but we both want all 5 to inherit equally.

Am I missing something? 5 children? Not 6

UrethraFranklin1 · 20/07/2015 14:35

Best advice you can get is consult a professional for such important stuff and dont consult internet sprites.

Scholes34 · 20/07/2015 15:57

Yes, consult an expert. They'll ask the kind of questions you could easily pussyfoot around.

On Women's Hour this morning, the subject for discussion was families. One person got in touch to say she was so thankful to have had a stepfather who treated her no differently to his own children. It's very difficult for people who don't know you and your set up to be able to comment on how any split should be made and whether over time it could leave to any resentment amongst the step/half/siblings.

2rebecca · 20/07/2015 16:09

You need to agree between you how much you leave the other spouse and how much your children.
On the one hand if one of you dies early and you leave everything to your spouse then if they die 2 years later everything will probably go to their kid and nothing to your kid.
On the other hand if you leave all your share to your kid and nothing to your spouse your spouse may struggle to pay them the money and they may end up dying 30 years later with no money left to their kid because it all went on care home fees or paying for carers at home or inheritance tax laws were changed so there's 70% inheritance tax or something.
You have to find a middle ground so if you die your kid gets something but your spouse isn't struggling to pay it.
Agree a solicitor can help and different countries have different laws on how much you have to leave to a dependant child anyway.

DinosaursRoar · 20/07/2015 16:11

I would also point out that you can't assume people will be fair after death, so the clause about being allowed to stay there is important, but also think about maintenance of the property, if say, you die, your DCs own your share of the property but can't force your DP to sell until his death/he wants to leave the property - what if there's another 20 years, would they be liable for repairs /upkeep of the property, but without being able to release the money tied up in it...

I would also say you don't rely on either partner not remarrying again or changing their will again after your death, so if you want your share to go to your DCs, you leave it that way, not to your DP with the assumption he'll include your DCs later on after his death.

robinlovesfatman · 20/07/2015 16:14

What fellofmyunicorn said

2rebecca · 20/07/2015 16:17

I think you also have to be realistic with wills and realise treating children"equally" if different parents won't work. If I die then my kids in 5 years time are likely to be not having that much to do with my husband, ditto his in 5 years with me if I die.
You have to look after your own biological offspring as if you die now and your spouse lives another 30 years then your kids are unlikely to be a part of his life, especially if they have their own dad and if your current partner marries/ remarries and has yet more kids from someone else.

OllyBJolly · 20/07/2015 16:25

Never trust relatives to act sensibly when there's money involved, particularly if they're not blood relatives.

Apologies to SmilingHappy - changed your words to reflect my own experience!

Agree with others who say sit down with an expert in this. Talk through all possible scenarios first - what happens if one lot of children inherit from elsewhere? What if partner remarries? etc etc.

LaLyra · 20/07/2015 17:48

We have 5 children - 1 his, 2 mine & 3 ours, but we both want all 5 to inherit equally.

Am I missing something? 5 children? Not 6

No I just can't count lol! I counted Ds/s as ours and as his! (It's been one of those days!)

CassieBearRawr · 20/07/2015 17:54

Get a solicitor. Don't trust people to just 'do the right thing' after you're gone. My parent and step parent have told us their wishes as written in their will, which is that everything goes to the surviving parent who will then distribute between all children - blood and step. Very idealistic and not a chance that will happen in reality, my siblings and I have resigned ourselves to the fact we will get nothing if our bio parent dies first. C'est la vie. If they were that certain they wanted us to get anything they'd make sure it was drawn up in the will. So get a professional to give you the best advice!

Postchildrenpregranny · 20/07/2015 17:57

Definitely don't DIY