Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you can just reinvent yourself if you so wish?

56 replies

milkandmarmite · 19/07/2015 23:11

Just like that - overnight? I'm fed up with what I've got, so thinking of waking up tomorrow and starting a 'reinventing' process.

My diet, my body, my clothes, my hair, my confidence, my social life..i could go on...It all needs a thorough overhaul.

AIBU to think you can just wake up one morning and start afresh? Anyone done it?

OP posts:
FarFromAnyRoad · 19/07/2015 23:12

Not in reality, no Grin but I will watch with interest.

Toughasoldboots · 19/07/2015 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JointheJoyride · 19/07/2015 23:16

No, in reality you can't. If you're rich you can.

Mintyy · 19/07/2015 23:21

It's very unrealistic to think you can do this.

What about all the people who know you as you are now?

You can make small steps towards self improvement - of course you can if you are bothered - but that is not reinventing yourself overnight.

Milllii · 19/07/2015 23:26

Yes you can if you want to. You can make yourself a better version of you.
Why would you not. If you are not happy and you don't bother trying then you will be saying the same thing in another years time. Small steps but you can begin tomorrow.

SwissArmy · 19/07/2015 23:27

You sound primarily as if you just want to look different, and be more confident as a result, rather than a self-reinvention, eg. completely new career path, move to another country etc etc ...?

What you propose isn't so radical. There's no reason why you shouldn't become healthier, change your hair and boost your social life and confidence!
The only slight snag in your plan is other people, who generally seem to have a marked preference for the status quo, or their version of it, at least. My sisters were horrified when I lost a lot of weight and looked more conventionally attractive.

Original poster
milkandmarmite · 19/07/2015 23:28

Tough you sound as though you've done amazingly well!

I know a lot of things take time, but it's more the mindset. If you decide you're going to change and reinvent yourself, i wonder whether you can do it.

I am feeling at a low ebb - single mum to a toddler DS. No/very few friends. No social life at all whatsoever. No hobbies. No book reading anymore, diet horrendous, body a disaster zone. Used to have a lovely figure - exercised regularly. Nothing now. Quiet, timid person. This is not how i want my life to be. I want to do something different!

OP posts:
Milllii · 19/07/2015 23:30

You wont know if you don't try milk. Whats to lose.

queeneileen · 19/07/2015 23:33

Change your hair (easiest thing to do. I went from bobbins brown to shocking red, and the amount of folk who said it was more me was unbelievable!), then change your diet, then your clothes, then your house, then your space, then your life, then everything.

It takes a small step........

Tequilashotfor1 · 19/07/2015 23:33

Yes you can do.

I did it when I left my ex. I needed to really think about what direction I wanted to go in and to totally change my friendship circle. I did it, the new friend group took a while but it's doable

Toughasoldboots · 19/07/2015 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
milkandmarmite · 19/07/2015 23:38

Thank you for your replies. It means a lot. I think i didn't realise how bad i have been feeling. But now I am going to have a go at the reinvention. Little things first. Tackling the diet, the exercise, getting a book, hair appointment, arranging to go out for a cup of tea perhaps.

OP posts:
littleducks · 19/07/2015 23:39

A school run mum lost a ton of weight, went from quite large and frumpy to half her body size and training to run a marathon. She gained huge amounts of confidence too. I expect the initial weight loss was gradual and we didn't notice then she had a bit of a make over and it was suddenly shockingly obvious. She then continued to slim down and tone up.

I'm still fatty and frumpy Wink but in last 5 years have got more educated and qualified for a new job, have friends and the beginnings of a social life (studying slowed progress on that front down).

It definately is possible but maybe not all at once. The mindset is key so good luck!

tanukiton · 19/07/2015 23:39

YES you can ! Start on the physical but also the mental add a bit of yoga and meditation. Find something you want to learn and meet some new people. Wear your new clothes every day!!!

The self help books always say it takes 21 days to make something habit.. Cut your hair first as that is an easy fix.
Week 1 buy a pair of shoes that you can wear every day but make you feel great. i cant wear heels but have lovely sandels.
Week 2 buy 1 new outfit. Dont leave it until you have all lost weight.

Plan a treat each week and join one of the exercise threads to get your mojo on..... I am going to start a 30 day change today for me it is exercise and cut the booze. i would cut the coffee as well but baby steps!

Tequilashotfor1 · 19/07/2015 23:43

Plus look at madonna and kylie M they reinvent themselves selfs every five years!

PurpleSwift · 19/07/2015 23:49

You can't change over night no. But get an idea of who you want to be and aim towards that. Maybe do a college course, change your hair/wardrobe, exercise and eat healthy and try and get out of your comfort zone.

SabrinnaOfDystopia · 20/07/2015 00:35

Yes, you can. I reinvented myself when I went to Uni at 18 - no longer the mousey quiet girl. I left that girl behind in my home town.

It helps if you can change location and do it suddenly - you can be who you want in a new place, with no previous history holding you back - but I've known people do it over time anyway, maybe it takes a bit of time.

I think it's why I get 'itchy feet' so often - an urge to reinvent myself every so often. Unfortunately I've got dc in school now, so it's harder.

TryToEngageBrainFirst · 20/07/2015 00:37

Be the first to meet my new user name!

Good luck with what you're trying to do.

SabrinnaOfDystopia · 20/07/2015 00:42

BTW - I do know (not that well) someone who's done this at my ds's school. When I first met her, about 4yrs ago, she was a bit overweight, hair a bit of a mess, etc. I suddenly realised when I saw her at parents eve the other week, that she has lost a ton of weight, her hair was looking fab, and she had very nice clothes and make up on.

It can be done!

MissDuke · 20/07/2015 09:33

I used to be very obese (size 24), very antisocial and in a very unhappy job. I lost weight (got down to a 10-12), took a part time college course and am now at university studying for my dream career. I didn't have the confidence to change careers until I lost the weight. I made more effort to meet up with friends, got regular eyebrow waxes, hair cuts etc and made an effort with clothing. I admit it has slipped a little now, I have been very stressed with essays and exams over the last 6 months and am now a size 14. I know I will never go back to the way I was though. I believe it can be done, but it takes time and lots of motivation. Good luck!

Original poster
milkandmarmite · 20/07/2015 09:43

Well, some positive stories here! I am going to give it a go. What's to loose? I certainly can't feel any worse about myself than I already do.

This morning I am starting with a bit of a house turn out. Followed by some pro active appointment making!

OP posts:
AccordingToOurRecords · 20/07/2015 09:50

You already have done OP just by thinking differently. Positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes IME.????

meglet · 20/07/2015 09:53

if you've got time and money it's possible.

The rest of us have to make do.

EponasWildDaughter · 20/07/2015 09:59

Yes you can, yes you CAN! (maybe not actually overnight however Wink) but you definitely can.

I've done it. Twice actually. It's very very liberating.

Lots of good advice given already on hair, figure, clothes.

One word of caution - and this is not to put you off, it's hopefully to stop you being put off if it happens to you:

Some people out there (and it could be one you would least expect) will see you changing and be cross about it for reasons of their own and be rather negative and unpleasant in some way. Don't let them get you down or put you off.

good luck Flowers

StripeyTee · 20/07/2015 10:05

I've started the process, OP.

I had a really awful, depressing year last year and was very down. I spent months wallowing, having therapy and feeling like a failure...then just woke up one day and thought 'enough of this shit' and decided I needed to tackle all the things about my life - big and small - that were pissing me off.

I've been getting fit. Joined a gym and actually go (after a lifetime of being a couch potato) 4 times a week. Its been a real game changer for me. I have lost a stone and feel stronger, happier and more attractive.

I changed my 'style' (didn't really have one before, to be fair). I dress in a much more youthful way now, have grown my mum bob into a long style and have had my 'colours done' (HoC) so I now have a clue about what suits me. I feel more confident and attractive now than I did 10 yrs ago.

After a few years as a SAHM, I've just got myself a new job - starting in September and I cannot WAIT Grin.

I've also made some long overdue changes to my social life. I've gradually distanced myself from 'friends' that don't make me feel good about myself, and made some new friends through my DC's school and making effort to go for coffee or have people over at least once a week (I'm naturally unsociable, so its been a big change for me).

Next projects will be to start sorting out my shit tip house, so that I am more organised and can relax at home more, and to start working on a bucket list for turning 40 next year. I want to start challenging myself and my own perceptions of what I 'cant' do. Some extreme sports are top of the list Grin. if you knew me, you would find that very funny Grin.

Go for it.