To hate the colour pink so much?

[Tootsiepops]

I am 5 and a bit months pregnant and we know we're having a girl. Friends and family know, and when people have asked if there's anything in particular they can get the little one as a gift, I've said we'll be very grateful for any presents anyone wants to buy the baby, but just not to go mad with pink because it's sexist bullshit

I've had a few raised eyebrows, but on the whole, people have been understanding...apart from my Mum. She keeps telling me she's painting the nursery in her house pink, and saying things like 'the baby can have pink when she's with her granny' which I'm starting to find infuriating.

Thing is - my brother died aged 29 three years ago under some fairly horrible circumstances, and my mum has kept his room exactly as it was all this time. Now that I'm pregnant, she's thrilled and now feels ready to re-decorate my brother's room and make it in to the baby's room.

Do I stfu and be thankful that my mum now has something positive to focus on, and put aside my principles about not wanting my daughter surrounded by pink crap? Or kick up a fuss? It sounds so petty, but I can't stand gendered stereotyping...

I would add, I got married 5 months after my brother died, and had planned a quick registry ceremony followed by a glorified piss up in our local, but when I saw how much the wedding planning took my mum's mind off her grief, we went for something much more elaborate at her insistence- including me wearing a designer 2000 wedding dress instead of the £90 one I wanted from bhs and I still feel resentful about it

Don't you think your mother has had a hell of a time loosing her child?

Seriously your main issue is with the colour pink?

Good grief op. As if it matters.

My 4 kids are teens and older and they neither dress exclusively in pink or blue now however they were dressed as babies and I can't even remember what bloody colours they wore anyway.

It's a complete non issue.

If you keep on with this hating pink, trust me your dd will hit 5 and insist on all pink just to be different.

Honestly! This hysteria over pink is absolutely pathetic.

Your kids will be who they will be regardless of what colour you dress them in or toys they play with.

Those touting that their kids have never worn a dress or pink in their entire lives, as some kind of badge of honour just infuriate me. Do people really give that much of a shit?! I would like to think people have better things to think about.

Fwiw, both of my DC (one of each) wear whatever colours they like and what suit them. If pink or blue are what they like they so be it (incidentally it's not either).

I just have images of some little girl dying to wear a pink top and some of the mums on here saying 'No, Lottie, we mustn't conform to gender stereotypes

Just let your poor mother decorate the bloody room pink OP. She's been through a lot and it's a COLOUR.

Shes a different generation op who probably wouldn't have a clue or care about gender stereotyping

Gosh a whole new level of patronising there Sazzle and some good old fashioned ageist stereotyping too.

Maybe the mil understands,after loosing a child,what really matters in life. And it's not the colour pink.

Have no views on pink , but I vowed I'd never put DDs (4 years apart) in matching dresses . When my mum bought them for them did I say 'no' ?. Of course not, it would have been hurtful . And they did actually look really sweet dressed alike (they look very alike too).

Different generation eh? I'm 51. Spare Rib was discussed round our breakfast table. Yet I still like pink...Wasn't it the women of the 60s and 70s who fought to do away with stereotyping? They'd be 50/60/70 now, so about Grandmas age.

Orange exactly so. I am 51 and my dm is 80. My dm was a 70s women's libber. We both wear/wore pink. My dm was more interested in equal pay and banning job adverts stating pretty blond needed for a secretary. That was only 1972. But of course no one my age understands the politics of pink!

Mumsnet apparently rightly does not tolerate racism, homophobia or disabled comments but it's acceptable to spout ageist and generally sexist ageist bollocks.

Different generation indeed.

Possibly because the politics of pink is so...well..small and trivial compared to the real stuff.

I hate Pink too. Especially the very bright sickly shade of it. Awful!! I refused to let my first born wear anything Pink as a baby. She likes it now and I let her wear it as she wants too and I can't stop her.

I just hate it ,always have.

It won't turn her into a fairy.

DD has a lovely colourful wardrobe, including some pink items of clothing. It's just a colour.

Maybe you shouldn't reveal the sex before the birth next time. Sex prediction at 20 weeks is not 100% accurate, I have a friend who was told she was having 2 girls, she has 2 boys. Good thing she's not the kind of person to go wild for the pink.

Pink is not just a colour, it's strongly used to symbolise the otherness of females. Boys get a green and blue globe, girls get a pink one. If it was 'just a colour' then we wouldn't get these threads, because boys and girls would wear the same colours in the same ratios. Instead colours and clothes are highly gendered with a brown t-shirt with a caterpillar on it and a purple t-shirt with a butterfly on it being in different (gendered) sections of a clothes shop. I understand where the OP is coming from.

Having said that your Mum has had a hard time and making a nursery for her new grandchild might be a healing experience for her. She (like many on here) may think it's just a colour. But your influence on your child will be greater. Make sure she's not limited by others and expose her to lots of positive female role models and let her have lots of different activities. And don't demonise pink, just mix it with lots of other colours. Then it truly will be 'just another colour' rather than the main way we identify if a baby is a boy or a girl and therefore how we treat it.

You're the one that hates it, others don't so it's your problem. Nothing wrong with pink.

Sorry for your loss. I think it's a difficult one and there is more going on here so it makes it difficult. I think you recognise it and I don't think you are being ungrateful. It's a difficult situation all round. No guarantees that your child will like the pink either. It's a grim colour. And I can see your point of view about gender stereotyping but your attitudes will influence your child more than a bedroom colour. It sounds like you know the answer already.

I was just very blunt and said no pink. DD is 4 now and has never worn anything pink, nor has she worn a dress. She's a little tomboy so likes jeans and shorts, her favourite colours are red and green.

Oh the irony of so resolutely rejecting gender stereotypes but yet calling your daughter a tomboy.

What is wrong with wearing a dress or pink? This idea that everything masculine and boyish is better than anything girly is bloody awful and sexist. You're so proud she doesn't wear dresses - why? Is a dress or anyone wearing a dress inately inferior ?

Your dd may go through a 'pink' phase. Loads of girls do and who can blame them with all the marketing that they are exposed to. When my dd spent 18 months refusing to wear trousers and wanting everything pink I went with it rather than trash her and tell her the things she likes have no value. I didn't tell ds that Thomas the tank engine is a pile of obsequious bollocks either.

I don't believe pink is 'just a colour' but I don't believe in telling small children who conform to gender stereotypes that their perfectly normal development stage means that they are a bit vacuous.

Your DD will develop her own relationship with her grandmother, if she doesn't like her pink room, her grandmother will change it, if you don't like it, they'll be an argument.

Personally OP I would let it go. Firstly banning everything pink is being gender neutral. I posted on the other thread about women in RL sneering at dd when she picked something pink at a school event. Dds favourite colour is actually blue, but opted for the pink version in this event.

Telling girls they can't have pink is as bad as telling them they must have pink. Dd had a few pink clothes growing up, but I dresaes her in all sorts. Boys and girls clothes (although I don't really get the difference in girls and boys jeans and tshirts for babies and toddlers). If I liked it, I bought it. Dd is now 11 she loves her girly dresses and her jeans and trainers. She is also a champion kick boxer and amazing guitarist. She isn't a tomboy (fucking hate that phrase) or a 'girly girl' she is just dd. Wearing or seeing the odd bit of pink hasn't held her back from doing what she wants to do.

Please let the resentment over your brother go, seek some counselling if you need to. Resentment will only end up hurting you. Also please let the wessing resentment go. You did a nice thing to help distract your mum, your resentment over that will only cause further problems between you and you mum. You don't want that, she doesn't want that.

So, you're a feminist. Great - me too! You hate stereotyping. Don't we all! However, think of it this way: maybe the message that stereotypically feminine things are inherently inferior isn't a very feminist message to send to a little girl? If she wants to play with Barbie and wear a princess costume, are you going to tell her that's silly because it's "girly"? Allowing her to express all facets of her personality would allow her to like princesses, football, pirates and fluffy kittens all at the same time. Granny might give her some pink clothes, and she might wear them when she builds a spaceship with Lego.

Secondly, your mum has a relationship with her granddaughter which is independent of yours. Your daughter doesn't exclusively belong to you, and you cannot micromanage her relationships with other people, just like you can't dictate the colour of your the walls in your mum's house. Your mum has lost her son and is now rejoicing in the arrival of a granddaughter. If she's not going anything damaging, then let her make her own relationship with her!

For someone who professes to hate feminine stereotypes, you're behaving like a bit of a princess, to be honest. Sometimes I wonder how the grandparents in this generation manage to build relationships with their grandchildren when everything they think they know about children is suddenly 'wrong'.

your mum has a relationship with her granddaughter which is independent of yours. Your daughter doesn't exclusively belong to you, and you can not micromanage her relationships with other people, just like you can't dictate the colour of your the walls in your mum's house.

This is perfect

Allow you Mil to paint your brother's room pink. She is clearly excited and focusing on her forthcoming grandchild may help her to heal.

I am not over keen on pink or even blue/green for boys. For example, my dcs have plain walls and colours injected in their bedroom; bed sheets, lamps, soft toys and other bits. I think it looks more tasteful.

Sorry, should not have stated "allow" as it is clearly your mum's choice as to what colour she paints the room.

Support her though. She is probably more fragile than you think.

Where on earth did I get Mil from?!
I meant mum.