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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the colour pink so much?

98 replies

Tootsiepops · 19/07/2015 21:02

I am 5 and a bit months pregnant and we know we're having a girl. Friends and family know, and when people have asked if there's anything in particular they can get the little one as a gift, I've said we'll be very grateful for any presents anyone wants to buy the baby, but just not to go mad with pink because it's sexist bullshit

I've had a few raised eyebrows, but on the whole, people have been understanding...apart from my Mum. She keeps telling me she's painting the nursery in her house pink, and saying things like 'the baby can have pink when she's with her granny' which I'm starting to find infuriating.

Thing is - my brother died aged 29 three years ago under some fairly horrible circumstances, and my mum has kept his room exactly as it was all this time. Now that I'm pregnant, she's thrilled and now feels ready to re-decorate my brother's room and make it in to the baby's room.

Do I stfu and be thankful that my mum now has something positive to focus on, and put aside my principles about not wanting my daughter surrounded by pink crap? Or kick up a fuss? It sounds so petty, but I can't stand gendered stereotyping...

I would add, I got married 5 months after my brother died, and had planned a quick registry ceremony followed by a glorified piss up in our local, but when I saw how much the wedding planning took my mum's mind off her grief, we went for something much more elaborate at her insistence- including me wearing a designer 2000 wedding dress instead of the £90 one I wanted from bhs and I still feel resentful about it

OP posts:
ArriveOnTime · 21/07/2015 20:34

I was just very blunt and said no pink. DD is 4 now and has never worn anything pink, nor has she worn a dress. She's a little tomboy so likes jeans and shorts, her favourite colours are red and green.

A friend did get her a pink dress a year or so ago., she told me that I would have to put her in it as she had got it for her, DD said 'NO!' when she saw it. I gave it to my neighbour who has a girly girl and loves pink. I told my friend that I had done that, she wasn't upset but got the message.

PuntasticUsername · 21/07/2015 20:50

"Pink makes the boys wink" ffs?

That was VASTLY inconsiderate. I've just had my tea.

crowsbeforehoes · 21/07/2015 20:56

What are people so terrified of pink? Do they really believe their child will get so brainwashed that she can't think for herself? That she can't decide herself what she does and doesn't like?

I have a friend who at aged 3 put on a tutu and refused to take it off again after that. Used to pick daisies instead of play football. He's a guy by the way.

As soon as your child starts walking and talking - they start to think for themselves.

People are who they are. If you begrudge your mother this as a way from moving on from her own childs death then it just seems rather spiteful.

drudgetrudy · 21/07/2015 20:59

I understand that you don't like pink and that you want to limit the pink clothes etc but I think you have got your priorities wrong here. If decorating a pink princess nursery at her house helps your Mum move on after the death of your brother it won't harm your DD at all.
I randomly dislike the colour yellow-but in these circumstances would be fine with her decorating a nursery in buttercup and mustard if it made her happy.

MadamArcatiAgain · 21/07/2015 20:59

Pink makes the boys wink?
I don't think it's the girls those boys will be winking at.

AmazonsForEver · 21/07/2015 21:01

Just warn her that baby no. two might be a boy.
Ask for neutral coloured stuff. Companies only push the pink/ blue dichotomy so that they can sell twice as much stuff!
My 9yo girl has never worn pink. She wears plenty of dresses, she's quite girly, but you don't have to do pink.

Orangeanddemons · 21/07/2015 21:04

I don't get the obsession with pink on here either. It's just a colour. I like it because it suits me. Dd was obsessed with it a young age, but now age 9 likes dark colours and hates pink.

ABTwife · 21/07/2015 21:04

It's a colour. If you object to it as you attribute it as having gender - specific ramifications then fine. You can't expect other people to share that though.

It's a colour. If we all stop having strong feelings about it from any side then it will revert back to just being a colour.

The more we insist on it or insist against it, the more ridiculous attributions and messages it carries and the more significance it has.

If we all stopped giving a shit it wouldn't mean anything.

maggieryan · 21/07/2015 21:05

Sorry for your loss. Let your mam paint it pink if she wants and makes her feel better. Anyway be prepared for when your daughter grows up a bit. My 3 and 5,year girls just love pink and everything is pink. I never had them in pibk when they were babies but they are making up for it nowWink

PunkrockerGirl · 21/07/2015 21:18

I don't get the angst about pink on here. You don't get the same hysteria about blue for boys.
Some girls love pink, some hate it. Just bear on mind that either way, it will have no bearing on how they turn out as adults.
Both my ds when they were very small babies wore cast off pink babygros from their older girl cousins. Didn't do them any harm, they're strapping 19 and 23 year olds now.

morelikeguidelines · 21/07/2015 21:39

When I was pregnant with dd (pfb) I really disliked pink, and really cared about avoiding it, as well as a number of other daft likes and dislikes.

When I had her, and also when pregnant second time, I realised that these are not important things in the grand scheme of having a baby, raising a child.

The child has clothes - tick. The child has somewhere safe to sleep -tick.

What colour they are, how new the things are, who bought them (not saying you cared about these other things, they are examples) don't really matter.

Really sorry about your brother and the problems you have had Flowers

morelikeguidelines · 21/07/2015 21:46

Oh and my ds wears pink stuff now too!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/07/2015 22:02

I had no pink at all, growing up, because my mum absolutely hates pink - and I love it now and wear a fair amount of it. I do like the deep, rich pinks - pink is good, but I do draw the line at Barbie pink! I am currently wearing a skirt I made myself, which is hot pink batik fabric, with inserts of yellow with white polka dots, purple Paisley, lime green Paisley and turquoise with purple leaves on!

I have raised three sons who do all wear pink, from time to time, as does dh. It can be a good colour for anyone.

But if you don't like it, you don't have to have much (or any) of it at home - there are lots and lots of beautiful colours for your dd to wear and have on her walls/bedding etc. Pink can be your mum's thing, and you can have all the rest of the spectrum to play with!

trashcanjunkie · 21/07/2015 22:11

My mum didn't like pink, and I didn't have any pink stuff. It meant I went through a huge pink phase as a younger adult, and still in my late thirties am a sucker for pink shit.

Anyway, it's all blue stuff for girls these days, as they all want Frozen crap.

Thing is, people buy you colourful plastic crap quite a lot. It's a tough one. I'm more against the plastic than the colour.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 21/07/2015 22:20

I love pink and I've bought my own house, run a business and can fly a plane - your little girl will be fine.

WaggleBee · 21/07/2015 22:25

I think take a deep breath, step back and pick your battles.

Your Mum is excited and looking forward, possibly for the first time in three years. You have a beautiful new baby almost here.

It sounds trite but count your blessings. Painting a room pink really isn't a big deal.

Moonatic · 21/07/2015 22:36

One rarely hears as much nonsense as that which is regularly trotted out on MN about the colour pink. FFS, it's just a colour. What exactly do you think is going to happen to your children if they are allowed to wear it or if their bedroom walls are painted in that colour?

DD1 loves pink and always has. She is doing science A levels with a view to studying aeronautical engineering. She does loads of sport and adventure activities (e.g rock climbing). Liking pink has in no way held her back, nor has it led to her being excessively "feminine" (if such a thing is even possible).

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 21/07/2015 22:44

I love pink everything DD had was pink until she went through a faze of only wearing things with rainbows on. I'm just about to make some cushion cases out of two favourite pink dresses I kept even though she doesn't want them in her room as she not into pink, has nothing in her wardrobe that is pink but I'm sure her brother will love them!

So if I was you I would let it go.

SrAssumpta · 21/07/2015 22:53

Oh for fuck sake it's a colour, it won't define your child or make them a certain way. I've got a pink flowery room and my DDs is green and full of dinosaurs, do I win at mumsnet?

maggieryan · 22/07/2015 00:33

No but you win for being a bit of an idiot..does that count?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/07/2015 12:25

That seems rather harsh, maggie - I don't think SrAssumpta sounds like an idiot at all. Hmm

maggieryan · 22/07/2015 16:32

I said a bit....not a full idiot. She sounded aggressive when all OP wanted was a bit of adviceHmm

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/07/2015 16:38

Pick your battles.

I'm not a massive fan of pink, I didn't buy any pink clothing whilst I was pregnant with my now 6 week old daughter. Other people did.

I put her in the pink clothes because I'm not so massively up my own arse that I can actually get het up over people essentially being kind.

SusanHollander · 22/07/2015 17:17

It is as many have said just a colour. Is it the colour you hate or the stereotypes?

I personally really like pink, red, purple ...all of those colours. My favourite colour is blue however and a huge chunk of my wardrbe is varying shades of blue.

With my own DD I really didn't want to go the pink route for her room so I went animal themed instead with neutral walls & curtains and floor and jungle themed transfer stickers.

I genuinely don't think it will influence your daughter whether she wears, sees, or is subjected to pink or not. My SIL was put in dresses and pink and all things frilly and she hated it....my MIL got the point. Her daughter plays rugby, joined the army and doesn't even own anything feminine as far as I'm aware. Not what my MIL envisaged perhaps but no amount of putting her in pink would have changed who she is and thank goodness for that. She is who she is. I don't see myself as girly but in contrast to my SIL my in-laws think I'm straight out of Legally Blonde. I guess what I'm saying us don't sweat it - your daughter will be who she is. What if she loves pink?

My own DD loves pink....yet on the flip side loves climbing, prefers playing with boys, and is a total tomboy is many regards. She looks great in red however and I do put her in a lot of navy blue and red as it suits her complexion.

Sazzle41 · 22/07/2015 18:37

She is a different generation OP - who probably wouldnt care or have a clue about gender stereotyping even if you mention it and whats the point making it such a huge issue when its the world we live in/marketing companies know that making stuff pink practically doubles their sales of it to the right demographic ? Plus kids do tend to love a bit of pink tat tbh even if you don't.

If it bothers you that much say all one colour is a bit much and steer her towards cream with pink or white with pink. Or , pink and primrose is really pretty ? Buy the White Company Kids catalogue and show her their decor etc ?! But its her house and its nice she is so excited and decorating a room in her home for the new arrival.