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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the colour pink so much?

98 replies

Tootsiepops · 19/07/2015 21:02

I am 5 and a bit months pregnant and we know we're having a girl. Friends and family know, and when people have asked if there's anything in particular they can get the little one as a gift, I've said we'll be very grateful for any presents anyone wants to buy the baby, but just not to go mad with pink because it's sexist bullshit

I've had a few raised eyebrows, but on the whole, people have been understanding...apart from my Mum. She keeps telling me she's painting the nursery in her house pink, and saying things like 'the baby can have pink when she's with her granny' which I'm starting to find infuriating.

Thing is - my brother died aged 29 three years ago under some fairly horrible circumstances, and my mum has kept his room exactly as it was all this time. Now that I'm pregnant, she's thrilled and now feels ready to re-decorate my brother's room and make it in to the baby's room.

Do I stfu and be thankful that my mum now has something positive to focus on, and put aside my principles about not wanting my daughter surrounded by pink crap? Or kick up a fuss? It sounds so petty, but I can't stand gendered stereotyping...

I would add, I got married 5 months after my brother died, and had planned a quick registry ceremony followed by a glorified piss up in our local, but when I saw how much the wedding planning took my mum's mind off her grief, we went for something much more elaborate at her insistence- including me wearing a designer 2000 wedding dress instead of the £90 one I wanted from bhs and I still feel resentful about it

OP posts:
Hulababy · 19/07/2015 21:46

It's your mum's house. She can paint a room any colour she wants!

And I wouldn't become to fixated on hating pink. The more you push away from it, the more your child when older may like it!

Pink is a colour. It comes in different shades and times. Nothing more. Or at least it doesn't have to be. It's only an issue if you choose to make it one.

ijustwannadance · 19/07/2015 21:51

This is helping your mum heal and it is her house to decorate as she pleases. Baby won't be there enough for it to matter (unless mum invovled in childcare while working?) This time next year you will be too tired to give a shit lol. I personally am not fussed on either baby pink or baby blue. Not for any daft gender reasons but because I just love bright colours. I often bought sleepsuits from the 'boys' ranges for DD as they were more fun. Bedroom was yellow. Nice and sunny. Girls and boys ARE differerent. This is human nature. No colours or toys can change this. Babies don't care. The issue is yours.

MrsBojingles · 19/07/2015 21:52

I don't like pink either, was rather a tomboy growing up, and have had to deal with myself because so many people kindly bought us stuff for DD's birth, you guessed it, all pink. I'm grateful for the gifts, has saved us so much money, but what I buy, I buy non pink. Unless I see a good bargain, then who cares?

Let your mum do what she wants, having a pink room at her grandma's is not going to turn her into a pink sparkly princess. She'll turn that way if she wants to!

Having tragically lost my brother some years ago, anything that helps my mum move on is worth it. Sympathies for your loss Flowers

pictish · 19/07/2015 21:55

Pink is beautiful colour. It's the colour of so many sun downs and sun ups, not to mention how often is appears elsewhere in nature.
Yabvu to hate it.

ppolly · 19/07/2015 21:56

It's just a colour and it is her house. if it is any comfort to you pink used to be the colour for boys until about 1920s.

MrsBojingles · 19/07/2015 21:56

Also have to say, Much as I dislike pink, the colour looks really good on DD (as it does on her dad). Some babies look good in pink!

TheDowagerCuntess · 19/07/2015 22:00

YANBU, but there are so many people who simply do not give the tiniest shit about this, and so garnering opinions about it on here probably isn't going to be helpful.

In all honesty, you're fighting an uphill battle. Chances are, your DD will get caught up in the pink Avalanche, and there really won't be much you can do about it.

It's also a fine line that you tread by staying resolutely anti-pink, and also letting your daughter have a right to express her own likes/preferences/style, without you telling her she's wrong.

They grow out of it eventually, especially if they have a Mum who helps them question things.

Original poster
Tootsiepops · 19/07/2015 22:00

Thanks everyone. It's helpful to get some perspective. I think I was feeling a little bit angry because everyone else has been really respectful of my feelings (whether they think me odd or not), and I felt my mum was undermining me on something I feel pretty strongly about.

On reflection, I suppose there's an element of resentfulness where my brother is concerned - he was an addict, and I still feel very raw and sore about his death...and his life too, if I'm honest.

Anyways, I've had some great advice here. Thanks in particular to MrsTerryPratchett for her kind and wise words.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 19/07/2015 22:01

YABU to tell her how to decorate her house. What colour nursery or baby clothes will not make a difference to your daughter.

I'd rather bring my children up knowing they can wear any colours they choose. I assume if you had a boy you wouldn't want him to wear blue?

Micah · 19/07/2015 22:07

Why does your mum need a nursery in her house anyway? Surely the baby's room should be in your house? Have you discussed her having the baby overnights from a young age?

I never quite got the whole "nursery" thing though anyway. Bought a cot, put it in spare room, job done.

dangerrabbit · 19/07/2015 22:08

I have 2 DDs and I'm not a fan of pink girl crap at all, but given the fact that your mum can paint her own walls whatever she likes and circumstances with your DBro, maybe you are better off grinning and bearing it? It might be a nice distraction for your mum?

dangerrabbit · 19/07/2015 22:09

Should have said ...I'm sorry for your loss, btw

Flowers
Xmasbaby11 · 19/07/2015 22:12

yabu. let your mum enjoy decorating the nursery however she wants.

As for baby clothes, to be honest they'll be grown out of within months anyway. When I was pregnant, we tried to avoid any gendered clothes, but once dd was born, we gave up because girls' clothes were just so much more varied and pretty! We were given some baby clothes that weren't our taste, but dd wore them anyway. It's so nice to be given gifts

CamelHump · 19/07/2015 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 19/07/2015 22:18

Another one saying it's your mums house - she can paint her walls any colour she wants. I hope your dd helps her move on.

Sorry you lost your brother Flowers

TattieHowkerz · 20/07/2015 12:46

Much as I hate the whole gendered stereotyping of everything for kids YABU.

It is your Mums house. Don't deprive her of this joy. Your daughter is going to be exposed to gendered toys, games, clothes, ideas. A pink room is the least of it. I am sure that your efforts will balance it out!

I would also caution against being excessively anti-pink. Children have to learn to work in society as well as to challenge it. Pink princess crap infiltrates everywhere. I really don't like it. But I also see the absolute joy my four year old gets from Rapunzel etc. I can't take that away from her due to my feelings and concerns. I just make sure there is a balance, talk about what being a boy or girl means, and gently challenge any stereotyped thinking. I'm not saying this is the only approach, or the right one, but it works for us.

CrystalCove · 20/07/2015 12:59

Yes I think this is much more to do with what has happened in your family than a colour to be honest.

I dont get why so many people get het up about pink anyway - its just a colour!

goldenhen · 20/07/2015 12:59

Totally understand your pink frustration but in this instance I think your mum moving on and getting excited is more important. A Pinterest account is a great idea.

You also might need to pick your battles, if you're too openly anti-pink you will find everyone rebels, including your daughter and you make it worse.

Also think of the long game, having a pink baby nursery might help you later on when she's 4 if you want to convince your daughter that pink is so babyish!

What about more of a softly softly approach? People like to feel they're being helpful, so when family members are looking to buy pressies, why not say something like "actually, you know what, we've got loads of pink stuff already but we're really struggling to find nice girls stuff in other colour. It's so easy to find pink dresses but yellow ones are a real struggle! So if you do see anything nice, that would be amazing..." and give it to them as a little quest so they think they have the special job to get find all the cool purple and lemon yellow and mint green things. (But tell other people the same thing!)

Quills · 20/07/2015 13:10

It's only a colour - what she learns from you and the other adults around her is far more important. My DD1 adores pink, My Little Pony and princesses, but she also has ambitions of becoming an astrophysicist, loves Doctor Who and is starting karate in the autumn.

Let your mum paint the room pink if it helps her move forward, and do your best to make sure your daughter has plenty of positive female role models in her life/the media she's exposed to so she gets a healthy balance.

I hope your baby brings you all much joy.

GatoradeMeBitch · 20/07/2015 13:35

If only your DM is providing the pink she won't be overwhelmed by it.

It's when girls are drenched in piiiiink and only piiiiiiink because they're giiiiiiirls (I'm imagining this sentence in the voice of a certain very annoying person) that it's stupid and irritating. I watch a family on YouTube (and god knows why I watch them) who had a baby boy after their girl, and have re-purchased all her existing toys but in blue, because who wants to entertain the hellish scenario of a boy playing in a pink toy car? Hmm

Let your DM enjoy herself and her grandchild-to-be, it sounds like she's been through a lot.

MiaowTheCat · 20/07/2015 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScoutRifle · 20/07/2015 15:56

It's her bloody house she can paint the walls whatever colour she wants ffs!
People can also buy the baby whatever the fuck they want too, you don't have to keep it of course because you can do what you like with it when you get it.
Pink is traditional for a girl so get over it.

MamaLazarou · 20/07/2015 16:10

YABU. Pink makes the boys wink.

Micah · 21/07/2015 14:18

Pink makes the boys wink? Wtf? I don't want males winking at toddlers or young girls, thank you.

I've just read a story about a toddler water park in the U.S. Toddler girls are being made to put tops on (bikini, so not allowed in swim nappy only) to cover their chests. Boys not. They only way they can differentiate is by forcing any toddler in pink swim nappy to also wear a top.

Putting girls in pink is leading to differential treatment, even if it is "only a colour".