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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is 6pm too late to invite UK family for dinner?

97 replies

Maia290 · 17/07/2015 21:52

I have invited some English friends for dinner to our house for a Saturday at 6pm, now my friend says their boy (4 years old) would have had his dinner at their home already.
I am wondering what to do, should I suggest at 5pm instead, but isn't this way too early for adults to have dinner??
Doesn't all the family eat dinner at the same time?
Do you normally invite friends with children for dinner, if so what time do you all normally eat? I am wondering if it easier to suggest lunch instead.
As it is strange they are coming for dinner but the boy has eaten already...
We live in England but we are foreigners.

OP posts:

NoParking · 18/07/2015 07:11

AllGuns I feed my 6yo and 4yo early (5.00 ish) because it's either that or wait until DH is back from work (and me, on the days I work) at 7.30ish plus cooking time. The 4yo needs to be in bed asleep by then, she cries and asks for her bed around 6.45.

Doing kiddy tea at 5.00 means we have a pleasant end to the day and the kids get enough sleep. Once they can both happily stay up until 8.00 we will swop it around, but I think that will be a while. Even the 6yo would struggle with that timing every day, though she cans age as a one-off. They have to be up at 7.30 for school / nursery though.

NinkyNonkers · 18/07/2015 07:12

We all eat together between 530-630 normally. We want to eat together, and don't like eating late. Ours are 3 and 5 and I'd happily go at 6. If you have the type of kids who will sleep in after a late night then staying up late regularly isn't an issue, if, like mine, they will still be up at crack of dawn you have to protect their sleep a little.

As an occasional thing they stay up till 9ish if we are out.

GraceGrape · 18/07/2015 07:42

We all eat together most nights, usually between 6.30 and 7. Kids (5 and 2) in bed by 8.30. We like to eat with them and I works for us. We don't get home from activities or work until late so an earlier dinner time would be impossible. I grew up eating later with my parents so that's probably where I get it from. I always remember being amazed by friends who ate at 5pm, but they probably thought it was odd that I ate later.

weeblueberry · 18/07/2015 08:07

Is dinner at six or have you invited them over for six? If it's the latter they might be thinking it will be seven or so before you actually eat?

Siennasun · 18/07/2015 08:13

I'm trying to book a ski holiday at the moment and wanted to book a catered chalet. I can't find one where children can eat dinner with adults. They all have early children's dinners at 6 then adult only dinners at 8.
I cannot imagine going on holiday and not eating dinner with our son. I'm English but this is very weird to me.
(Most first work problem ever? )

Allgunsblazing · 18/07/2015 08:26

noparking, we both work full time too and cook from scratch. Please don't think I was having a go or thinking in a derogatory way. Sometimes things are just different. We never thought to feed DD on her own at 5-ish because culturally/socially I've never seen that done. DD has a snack at 4. Dinner at 7-ish, shower, pyjamas, book, lights off at 8.30.
Not better/worse. Just different. Not having a meal as a family has never occured to me as a possibility. Hence the OP's confusion.

AwakeCantSleep · 18/07/2015 08:29

I was so surprised when I moved here from the Continent (not the Mediterranean though) that children tend to eat so early and not together with the adults. I find that a little sad - meals together as a family are a really valuable thing IMO. The kids pick up their eating habits from the parents: what to eat (variety and quantity) as well as good table manners. All my friends and relatives with children back home eat as a family, and always have, and there is not nearly as much fussiness over food in those kids as I see described in many threads on here.

MidnightDinosaur · 18/07/2015 08:34

6pm is fine for dinner for a 4yr old. During the week we eat at 6.15pm once dp gets home from work, or we'll jump in the car and go out. Dc are 6 & 4.

My dc have had a busy day today. They fell asleep in the car on the way home at 5.30pm, they've been asleep 2 hours now and I reckon they'll be awake at 8pm ish. They haven't had dinner so we'll probably walk into town and go to a restaurant when they've woken up. We might be back by 10/11pm. It's Saturday night, they can sleep until whenever they like tomorrow, It doesn't happen very often but they have a great time and remember it well when we do.

ItalianWiking84 · 18/07/2015 08:37

Dd and me eats around 5ish together and she's off to bed at 6.30ish...
Dh is a chef so it's usually just dd and me at dinner time
Here school starts at 7.50 so late nights are not that good got everyday routine

SanityClause · 18/07/2015 08:40

We have always eaten as a family, though sometimes if the DC have friends over, I will feed them early.

If their 4yo can't make it until 6 (and to be fair, arriving at 6 might mean eating at 7) then they could just give a small snack to tide them over.

AwakeCantSleep · 18/07/2015 08:41

Just to add, as a consequence of eating together with parents things like chips, chicken nuggets and pizza wheels don't find their way onto the children's menu much. Also I should add that the main meal of the day where I come from is lunch, which is not generally served at school (earlier start, shorter school day). Kids get lunch either at home or at after school daycare (but some schools now serve food). Which makes dinner a more relaxed affair: salads, open sandwiches, cold meats, or maybe savoury and sweet pancakes.

merrymouse · 18/07/2015 08:43

Young children tend to go to bed at about 7 or 8 in the UK.

Obviously there are vast differences and everybody is not the same, but it's more common to do family entertaining at lunchtime.

Your guests are probably imagining an over tired hungry child being a complete nightmare - it's not that one way is right and another wrong - just that it can be difficult to change a 4 year old's routine and be a good guest at the same time.

Eat when you would normally eat, but let them feed their child.

ShowMeTheWonder · 18/07/2015 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purplepoodle · 18/07/2015 08:56

Perhaps 4 year old is a fussy eater? Easier to feed him at home then just let him have a small dinner at yours . Less stressful

Peacocklady · 18/07/2015 09:00

The guests have said they'd prefer to feed their son earlier, just accept that. They're not asking you to do anything different. It maybe 'strange' for you but that's your problem.
He's probably a bit of a fussy eater or gets grumpy when hungry and they probably don't want to put you out having to cater for him differently.

chrome100 · 18/07/2015 09:05

I think 6pm is fine to eat. We eat at 730 and always have, regardless of the age of the child. 5pm is super early to eat. I'm still at work then!

kbbeanie · 18/07/2015 09:10

6o'clock would be too late for my son as well. He is 3 and he asks to go to bed from 6pm. hes usually in bed at 6.30. He has dinner at 4.30/5 everyday. I dont eat until later on at night when my OH is home.
We would still come though and have dinner but ds would probably fall asleep on your sofa at his usual time so we would give him dinner before we came

loveareadingthanks · 18/07/2015 09:13

I don't think it's the guests who have said anything about the time, but a different friend.

Presumably this friend is a family who do the early meal/early bedtime thing to a routine. That's fine for them but he/she is wrong to assume all families do this. I think it's become more of a 'thing' in recent years, to be honest, it would have been quite unusual when I was a child, and not many people did it when my son was young. Not that I was aware of, anyway.

I never did strict routine and at that age, at home, we'd all eat around 6-7pm. Bedtime about 7.30-8.

But we also used to go out a lot and take son with us and never had any bother with it. I know some children react to changes to meals/bedtimes, but others are flexible. If we were out late, he was fine to eat late (maybe with a snack to keep him going) up to about 10pm at times, and if he was tired we could put him down to sleep anywhere, on people's spare beds, sofas etc.

So if the family you have invited are happy with the invitation, don't worry about it.

TheCommander · 18/07/2015 09:25

I was strict with DS routines when he was a baby, or better said, when I was an overly anxious first time mum. It took me about a year to realise that breaking the routine for a special occassion doesn't mean that the routine will be disrupted for the rest of their lives.

Personally, I think that sleep is very important but also that we need to socialise our children by exposing them to different social interactions. How do we expect them to learn good conversation skills/manners if we do prioritise a strict sleeping routines (all the time) over having positive interactions with other people?

I think OP, you need to relax and asume that by accepting your invitation, your guests are agreeable for their child to have dinner at 6.

queenrollo · 18/07/2015 09:29

we eat together as a family at 5pm. We have to because the eldest is starving by then and the youngest will be needing to go to bed between 6-6.30pm.

This wasn't by design, I've just responded to my kids needs and this is where we ended up.
When my eldest was 4 he wouldn't have coped with dinner at 6pm and being out, but I would have been honest about this if we were invited anywhere.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 18/07/2015 09:44

I'm the kind of person that thinks when you are invited into another home, particularly another culture, that you go with their flow.

Also if someone is kind enough to make the dinner, to eat it whenever they are ready to serve it.

If it's a weekend I really wouldn't care.

DS seems to have survived so far under this policy...

CigarsofthePharoahs · 18/07/2015 09:46

I am considered a bit odd amongst my group of mum friends that we have family dinner time at 6.30pm. Me dh and my 4 and 1 year old all eat our evening meal together.
I have been told that it is too late and 'surely they MUST be too hungry by then??'
Actually no, if I do dinner earlier my eldest in particular is very unhungry (if that's a word!) and won't eat at all. They are then in bed by 7.30, sometimes a little later at the weekend. This thread has shown me that we are not so unusual after all!
Op, I would just have a chat with your guests. There have been lots of reasons suggested as to why the child might eat earlier so just see what the parents say.

outtolunchagain · 18/07/2015 09:50

I am always amazed at how many people manage to eat together as a family , my DH is never and has never been regularly home before 8pm from work and usually it's about 9pm even now when our dc are 21, 18 and 13 I still eat with them ( or whoever is around ) at about 6.45pm and Dh eats when he comes in .I don't know anyone who's dh is home early enough to eat before 7pm on a regular basis . when the children were small they would usually eat about 5.30 to6pm , with me on days when I was at home and with the Nanny when I was at work as I would only get home about 6pm

Piratejones · 18/07/2015 09:51

(One of the reason British kids are apparently so unhappy is because they (mostly) get to eat alone and go to bed early.

poor Poor British kids.

Hulababy · 18/07/2015 10:01

Dinner for us is around 7pm most evenings. When dd was smaller it was 6-6:30pm as Dh was able to go to work earlier (no school run for various reasons) could do it) and get home earlier (closer to home).

When we invite friends over it varies as to time. They often come earlier for chat and drinks.

I tend to feed guests around 7pm but if they have little children I may do it earlier or I sometimes feed the children first, at around 6.

I may provide snacks or nibbles before that though.

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