To want to drop kick that kid out of a window?!

[IReallyHateThatKid]

I know I'll probably get flamed for this, but here goes nought...

I live in a 3-storey block of flats- 2 per floor- and (at present) we are the only ones without DC. The building is constructed in such a way that we hear noise from the flats above and below us. My downstairs neighbour has 3 dc and a dog, and another on the way, and while generally her kids are quiet at night I am woken by their noise every weekend morning.

Today's rant, however, is about the fucking devil's spawn child belonging to the neighbour who lives above me. It seems she's going through the terrible twos (or it might be threes), and wants to sleep in Mummy's bed with her at night, and screams bloody murder if she can't. Apparently my neighbour used to capitulate and let her DD get in bed with her; however it seems her new tactic is to just let the kid fucking scream. For hours. In the middle of the night. Every night.

The problem is, because the sound carries through the floor, I am woken- and kept awake- by this delightful child's screams. I work unsociable shifts as a nurse because all the daytime shifts get given to my colleagues with kids so I have to get up at 3:30 in the morning most days, and even now, as I type, I am listening to that child screaming, feeling my blood pressure rise, knowing that even if/when she stops I'll be too stressed to go back to sleep, and I'll go to work utterly exhausted. My neighbour works part time (afternoons only) and her Mum takes the kid to nursery every day so she can catch up on her sleep in the mornings. I don't have that luxury. This has been going on for weeks now, to the point where I'm frequently in tears myself. It's no good trying to get an early night to compensate as there is a play area outside the building, where yet more kids make yet more noise until about 9 p.m.

I've tried speaking to my neighbour about it- I'm not some unsympathetic child hater (although this child is sending me further in that direction every day) I'm planning on having my own DC eventually when I have a house and soundproofed walls, I really do understand that it isn't easy for her and- like she says - her DD needs to learn that she can't just have her way- but AIBU to think that it's a little unfair that she's just letting the kid scream and keep me her neighbours awake? I've tried using earplugs, but they pop out of my ears and I worry about sleeping through my alarm.

Tell you what, there's no contraceptive as effective as other people's children!

Really feel for you OP. That sounds awful and you sound beyond exhausted.

No really helpful solution apart from talk to the Mother again and say if it continues you will be forced to go to the HA. This is not sleep training and she really should be concious of the people around here. I live in a terraced cottage and would NEVER dream of letting my DD scream every night.

Agree with the PP who said that people with children do not trump the needs of everyone around them.

It's fair enough that the mother doesn't want her child is sleeping in her bed forevermore, however she needs to find a different way to deal with it.

Leaving the child to scream bloody murder is not fair on the child or anybody who can hear it especially during the night. She surely can't be sleeping through it herself so she is actually achieving nothing but causing herself, her child and other residents anxiety and stress as well as lack of sleep. I do sympathise with her as a mother myself but this sounds utterly ridiculous.

I would wait until you feel calm and able to have a rational conversation with her then go and knock on her door. Just explain that her current situation is making it impossible for you to sleep, and ask that she thinks of other ways to tackle it. Yes kids are loud and can't be forced to be silent, but deliberately having a kid screaming throughout the night is thoughtless and unnecessary.

Yanbu

I'd speak to her about it. She may not realise just how loud it is in your flat.

I really don't think the issue here is with your neighbours - I'm pretty sure they don't like hearing their child crying at night either and will be trying desp to fix this. It's the way flats are built with such shit soundproofing and builders cutting costs to throw them up for as little £££'s as they can get away with. Years ago our first home was a new build flat and we could hear upstairs like they were in our flat and likewise they could hear us. Yes we all tried to be considerate and there were times it was unbearable. We were childfree at the time and have never forgotton listening to 4 months of their new baby suffering with colic day and night so I sympathise. I used cotton wool in both ears (not just at night either!) and it saved my sanity (and marriage!) I could never have complained as I could see the pain in our neighbour's face - at least we had the pleasure of escaping to work for some peace.

I feel for you OP . I lived in a maisonette for years with all the noise that can come with it .

Re ear plugs. . I once bought a box of wax type ones .. . you mold them to fit your own ears and they don't come out .. You shouldn't have too use them though but in short term ?

You have my sympathy. Being woken regularly in night and kept awake is horrible. The sound of toddler screaming is very piercing and irritating. You need to be able to sleep in order to function well in the daytime, especially as a nurse. YANBU to feel furious and upset.

at all the posters who think a toddler screaming in night for weeks on end is 'normal for a block of flats'!! Anyone who chooses to live in a flat needs to try and keep noise down, especially at night. Whether it's your dog barking, music playing or your toddler screeching, your need to do everything possible not to wake neighbours in night, that's part of living in flats! Letting a child scream for hours every night is unacceptable. She's not a tiny baby unable to control herself, she's a toddler who needs discipline and boundaries. IMO the mum should either comfort her daughter in bed like before, or try a different sleep-training method (maybe warning neighbours of the plan and time-scale!) Ignoring the screaming is hugely stressful for everyone in close proximity and I bet OP isn't the only neighbour who's fed-up!

In past I had a terrible experience with an upstairs neighbours who let their toddler scream and run around all night. When polite chats didn't work I resorted to banging loudly on the ceiling, and when that stopped working I complained to letting-agent. The family were given a formal warning about noise, and magically the screaming/running all night stopped within a week of me making the complaint. There were still odd tantrums at night but occasional noise is different to being woken every single night.

OP I would do the following... 1) chat to the mum, explain you can't sleep and you need to concentrate at work, explain ear-plugs do not keep the sound out and ask her what she plans to do to reduce the noise.
2) If no improvement in a week, complain to HA or agent. Don't feel guilty. They can give the family a warning, signpost them to appropriate sources of help and may also look into sound-proofing solutions.
3) In the meantime, wax or silicone earplugs may be more effective than foam ones.

I second bio ear plugs, they are really comfortable. And get one of those alarms that you put around your wrists and buzz so you won't sleep through your alarm.

Oh, Boots have some weird earlplugs in, they are pale purple rubbery stuff and they even manage to make DHs snoring almost manageable... they are almost comfortable and seem to stay in...

www.boots.com/en/Pluggerz-Sleep-Earplugs_1487876/

YANBU in the slightest. That mother is being unbelievably inconsiderate.

I just read the description on those Pluggerz... unique filter so you can still hear important things like... erm, crying babies.

I am so sorry

You have my sympathy, when our new neighbours moved in with their children, the two year old (for reasons unknown) would scream for a good hour solid most mornings from around 6am. Hideous wake up on weekends. I wasn't massively sympathetic to them (I don't normally get upset over children tantruming as it's just one of those things) as I never heard them getting up with her or doing anything - and it was EVERY morning. And the cot was right on the other side of the wall from our headboard.

We swapped bedrooms, so it's not an issue anymore. I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant and after that I certainly won't be worrying about crying bothering the neighbours!

You have my sympathies OP YANBU. Your lease will entitle you to the 'quiet enjoyment' of your property. You should take it up with the HA with a view to them improving soundproofing, not evicting the screamer!

I'm curious about earplugs - is it possible to get some that block out screaming toddlers but allow you to hear an alarm when you're utterly exhausted yet need to rise at 3.30am?

For those suggesting ear plugs, remember that not everyone can use them. I have eczema in my ears and any headphones or earplugs just irritate them until I want to chop my ears off! Even holding a phone to my ear heats it up and starts the irritation...

My DH can't wear ear plugs either as he has tinnitus and it just makes it 100% worse

On my way home after a lovely 12 hour shift! Thanks for all the support folks. I'll have another chat with my neighbour and stress the effect it's having a bit more- I think I was a bit overly polite last time so she didn't really realise the full impact. Hadn't thought of giving wax earplugs a try, I could always try them at a weekend first and if I do sleep through an alarm then it doesn't matter.

What's almost more galling about the situation is my DH sleeps through the whole thing. Seriously, a nuclear holocaust wouldn't wake him. The man's a freak.

As people have (so usefully ) mentioned, OP lives in flats.

So given the fact they live in flats, why on earth would anything think attempting sleep training (and failing) for this length of time is any way inappropriate.

anyone*

On the other side of the coin our upstairs neighbours are very noisy. Loud chat in the bedroom late at night, very very noisy creaking bed and laminate everywhere. Things are constantly dropped on this and it sounds like an explosion. I am currently pg with baby #2 and I can't wait for the sweet revenge of a crying baby

Only plus side its my sister so I embarrass my bil by saying "sounds like you had a good session last night" haha.

Just an idea about the sleeping through the alarm problem. Can you use the alarm on your phone and set it to vibrate as well as audible? If it's under your pillow it'll wake you.

We live in a terrace. Next door have 2 kids the youngest is the spawn of Satan. We have lived through every sleepless night every argument and every squabble with them for the last 4 years. That kid can screech for England and it's every other night at least. And the arguments! We hear every word usually at stupid o'clock on a Sunday.

Then a couple of weekends ago the mum had the cheek to mention that we had woken them in the early hours. DD had had a nightmare and was sleep walking, she took some convincing to go back to bed. ONE BLOODY NIGHT COMPARED TO 4 BASTARD YEARS. I hadn't said anything before because I felt sorry for them and thought they had enough to deal with, they know now and I wish I'd said something before. She didn't believe we could hear them at first surely if they hear us it follows we hear them? I had to relay the argument they had that morning at 6 am about the youngest stabbing the oldest with a pencil before she'd believe me.

Sorry not helpful

I'd love to sue the entire bunch of modern architects and developers. I live in a lovely old building where I only hear my nearest neighbours if they have an extremely loud party. But I have one friend who had to sell her apartment at a knock-down price because she hadn't had a good night's sleep in five years. It was like the architect had specifically designed it so that she would hear everything anyone of her many neighbours did.

I've moved back into a small terraced 3 bed (box room) with my two children one of whom is autistic. I'm constantly on edge as to noise. Trying to correct his stimming, feeling panicked about meltdowns or altercations. I avoid them outside because they always have a dig and it's making me ill with anxiety.

Get a shakeawake alarm clock, they're for the deaf, the hard of hearing and heavy sleepers. They vibrate strongly underneath your pillow, with or without a loud alarm sound.

P.S - if he sleeps through that child screaming, it's a preview to what nights will be like when you have your own kids. Mine can be screaming their nuts off next to dh's head, he sleeps on. Every night feed (and sleep battle) will be belonging to you.

Needless to say, our shakeawake is dh's. Not that I'm bitter.

Hopefully the kid will soon learn and stop the screaming, fingers crossed for you Op. I know the strain of working shifts as a nurse whilst living in a flat, I did this back in the 90's, I gave my neighbour upstairs the nickname 'bigfoot' you prob get the picture.

Anyway whilst waiting for the little sod the sweet child to stop screaming you could take a look at a white noise machine, available on amazon. We bought one last year to combat our noisy neighbours and it hassaved our sanity for sure, it comes in handy when the kids next door start their early morning shout sessions.

Re white noise, if you have a tablet/smart phone the mothercare app has a white noise feature in the mean time

If the flat is so badly insulated and you are expecting to be there for a long time, it might be worth investing in some soundproofing for the bedroom.

It really isn't that hard to do or that expensive, and it could make a huge difference to your standard of living.