To go cold turkey?

[ToonLass]

Bit of a strange one....

My DD is almost 9 months and is not a great sleeper at all. For her naps I need to rock her in her pram AND let her suck my pinky. I feed to sleep at night but if she doesn't fall asleep she sucks my pinky. For her numerous night wakenings I usually have to feed her back to sleep (about 4 times) plus an extra couple settings in the early evening using my pinky.

She will NOT take a dummy. Trust me, I've tried every brand.

I'm tired and frustrated. She just screams and screams if I don't feed her or give a pinky.

She's currently teething which is even worse as she grinds her bottom teeth against my pinky. Very sore.

Should o just go cold turkey?? She won't settle with cuddles etched so there would be a lot of crying.

AIBU to withhold the comfort of my pinky when she's obviously teething?

I'm at war with myself

And because she's in her cot and not her pram she's going to wake up after 30mins and I'm not going to be able to rock her into next sleep cycle

That's her awake :( seems to be in a Good mood though!
Any suggestions for her next nap which will be in about 2 hours?

When I was really struggling with the nap times with the CC approach and thinking it was pretty hell-ish I was told that life with his sleep was pretty hell-ish anyway so I should persevere.

As you know, you either have to cut out pinky or you don't. If she can have it at some times but not others then she will get confused and make the whole process much more difficult.

Even if not having pinky at nap times means she don't go to sleep then that's just the way it is. I was told by the specialist that if after 45 minutes DS hadn't gone to sleep for his nap then I was to abandon the plan and get him out of his cot and take him back downstairs and carry on our day as normal.

It was hard for a few days as it meant his naps were pretty crap and he was tired and I was stressed but I just had to stay focused on the end goal and take things one day at a time.

Eventually he realised that he wasn't going to be breast fed to sleep and instead was going to be put into his cot whilst awake.

How often are your naps and how many does she have a day?

What is your bedtime and nap time routine? I may be able to help you in terms of passing on the advice I was given about how to alter routines to enable self settling and encourage sleep.

Thanks so much - I should really be paying you for all this advice!

She typically has 2-3 naps a day. 9-10/10.30, 1-2 and a wee half hour later on in the day. That's just generally though, today she has only had 2 half hour naps .

Before naps we turn off TV/noisy toys, read a wee story then I put her in her pram. I rock it AND give her my pinky and she is usually asleep within 10-20mins. She will wake up after 30mins exactly so I try be by the pram at this time to rock her back to sleep - it usually works although hasn't last two days :(.

At bedtime (up until yesterday) we would again turn off tele and noisy toys, and strip her down to let her roll about in the nuddy. We would then read some stories and then take her up to her bath. Getting her in her sleepsuit ALWAS ends up with a screaming match, her tiredness just catches up with her and she hates getting dressed at best of time. She then has cuddles with daddy then I take her to her room to feed her where she usually falls asleep on the boob - if not I give her my pinky. She is usually asleep for 7/7.30.

Yesterday, I stripped her down and took her to her dim room. I fed her and then took her to her bath. I got her changed in her room and then read a couple stories on the chair I have beside her bed. I then sang a song and put her in her cot.

I'll be doing the same tonight - starting very soon!!

That's her in her cot - let's see if she does better than 25 mins!

She seems to be asleep - 15 mins

Oh wow - that's really promising.

I was advised to disassociate breast feeding with sleeping by changing the order in which I did things. I used to do bath, pyjamas, sleeping bag, stories and then feed (and DS would always fall asleep at the breast).

Now I do bath and then take him into his fully lit nursery where I put him in to his pyjamas and I then breast feed him, again when the room is fully lit and with the curtains open. Once the breast feed is over I pop DS on the floor whilst I close the curtains, turn the main light off and put the dim bedside lamp on. I then put him into his sleeping bag and then it's on to my lap for stories. He has two stories and then he goes into his cot after we've had a nice long kiss and cuddle

When it is time for his daytime naps I breast feed him in the living room with lights on/curtains open etc and then I take him upstairs, close the curtains, put him in his sleeping bag, two stories and into the cot.

I think the idea is to find a 'sleep cue' and keep the routine the same for bedtime and for the daytime naps.

My DS's sleep cue is the sleeping bag, the curtains being shut and the main light being turned off. He knows that when those 3 things come into play it's time for sleep

I have just left DS in his cot after our goodnight cuddle and he's singing to himself at the top of his voice

You have to be consistent. If you've decided no little finger (sorry, the p word makes my sphincter go a bit funny) then stick to it. Look at it like this, if you hold off giving it to her then cave after 40 mins you've put her through being upset for nothing and also reinforced that she should keep wailing and stay awake.

Can you try pushing her somewhere in the pram with her sucky blanket thing rather than rocking it while she sucks your finger? She has the association of the pram, and it's at her usual nap time, so two of the three sleep associations are there.

You have my sympathies, DD was a shit napper.

Look, these pinky in the mouth problems are the parents making. Don't be doing things that wreak your life. Yes do things for a quiet life but when they start to make normal life difficult, stop them. I have always found my kids far more flexible than I give them credit for and often think my own lack of confidence about putting my foot down and changing things is the greatest barrier to an easier life. We are in charge. I say yes to cold turkey. The current situation is miserable. So you need to fix it. If needs be get someone else to put baby to sleep to break the cycle. And don't tell me she won't go down for anyone else. Rubbish. I promise you she will if you challenge her to. As for teething, lots of cuddles, and a bit if calpol if she is in pain is more than enough support for that.

Sorry to be so direct. I always feel so annoyed with myself for not being brave enough to make changes sooner. The kids always do what's needed of them with a little encouragement once I actually implement the change and stop procrastinating.

Wow, straight to the point cherry!

The thing is, (small) babies USUALLY need something to help soothe them and help them sleep. Sucky babies get dummies. My baby didn't take a dummy but I was able to soothe her with my pinky. If she had taken a dummy I would probably be writing a very similar post about taking the dummy away!!!

I know it's my own doing, and I'm trying to do something about it. I think naps are going to be the hardest.

She used to go to sleep a treat in the pram/carrier, but now I think she is too aware of everything going on around her. I was out for 45 mins with her in the carrier this morning to avoid a pinky situation, and came back with her still awake .

I've never tried anyone else putting her to bed at night, I suppose because I would always feed her to sleep. I am feeling confidant that Daddy could do it now though if we can crack the self settling at night .

You're right. NO PINKY AT ALL. I will say this over and over and over tonight. Promise. I felt awful this morning caving in.

Has she ever had a bottle?

One of the reasons I did the sleep training was because my 'return to work date' was looming and due to me being a shift worker it meant that DH would have to do bedtime. It was imperative that we made sure DS could go to bed without a breast feed first (I.e he would take milk from a bottle) and would settle for his dad.

She used to take a bottle bit I didn't give her one for a couple months and when I tried to (in prep for returning to work) a month or so ago she was having none of it. I have tried different bottles, different sized teats, different milk etc but she gets really quite upset when I try give her one.

As it happens, I have done a few keeping in touch days (start back in 2 weeks properly) and it's worked out ok. I've stopped stressing about the bottle, both my DD and MIL were getting very worked up trying to force it. I'm only away for 6 hours a day and home for an hour in the middle so I just feed her when I'm there and she's happy to hold on. She takes a lot more solids on those days to make up for it.

I have been trying to get her to take milk from a sippy cup instead, not much success so far but I'm trying her everyday just to get her used to the idea. Hopefully she'll take to it and I could be replaced by that if needs be.

My DS took a bottle from his dad at 9 months old but only because I went on night out. DS knew that it was bottle or nothing and after protesting for quite don't time he eventually gave in.

From then on he happily took a bottle from DH but would never, ever take one from me because he knew that my breasts were there so just wanted them instead which is understandable. Has her dad tried with a bottle?

By the age of 8 months DS was brilliant with his sippy beaker and would drink water from it with no hassle. When he hit about 11 months we just got rid of the bottle completely and when DH does bedtime DS just takes his milk from his beaker

Yes dad has tried but no luck :(

We were out a wedding last weekend and MIL was babysitting. She woke at 10 (like I knew she would) and was still awake at 12 when I got home. MIL had been trying to get her take bottle but she just throws it away!!

She's good at taking water from her sippy cup so I'm confident that she will eventually take milk. I have trouble expressing through, so trying to get her to take formula or cows milk. Obviously this is a different taste for her which might also be the problem. I'm sure she'll get it eventually!

Would love a day trip away, just me and DH, but can't leave her when she's not taking milk from another source

P.s she's still asleep!

Breast feeding is such a lovely thing to do isn't it but it does have it's downsides when it comes to having a social life

My first time away from DS was for about 4 hours when he was seven months old when I treated myself to a facial. He was happily taking water from his beaker whilst my boobs were nearly exploding with milk

I then went out when DS was nine months to a Christmas party leaving DH to do bedtime and I was gone for about 5 hours and my boobs were so sore by the end of it. My DH had to practically march me out the front door as I was so reluctant to go because I didn't think DS would settle at night without me and I actually cried in the car on the way to the party

Me and DH didn't have our first time away from DS together (and I mean us going out for two hours to have a meal) until DS was almost a year old.

DS is 15 months now and I don't think me and DH have been out together any more than 3 times since he was born.

We have been invited to a wedding in September when DS will be 18 months and we are considering leaving him with my sister overnight and making a weekend of it but I'm already nervous about it

Ps) I don't know if you are a FB user but I belong to a secret group called 'Night Time Feeders' and there are about ten of us who all 'met' on the MN Sleep Forum because we were at breaking point with our BF babies and their poor sleep habits. We all met on the forum probably about a year ago and we all helped each other through the bad times and even now we are all on their every day talking about our babies, their nap times and bedtimes and the problems we still encounter. The youngest baby in the group is 9 months I think and mine is the oldest. So we've all been there, had crappy times, difficult times and times where we've wanted to run away but it's been great having support from other women who know exactly how hard and frustrating it can be. Anyway, my point is that if you do use FB and it sounds like something you'd find useful then you are more than welcome to join us. No pressure at all as I appreciate people like to remain anonymous but the offer is there

Thanks writer, I think I'll join if you don't mind!

Brilliant! I will PM you with my name so you can friend request me and then I can add you to the group

Euch this is the hardest yet :(

Been up for an hour, fed her 30mins ago and gave her nurofen. Put her back on her cot awake and she's still fighting it :(

Argh poor you. I always think when you're making a big change that you should expect 3 days of hell to do it. Just write the few days off and don't let it bother you because feeling like it's going to be like this forever is soul destroying. Did you manage without the pinky?

Yes after 90 mins (and 2 feeds and nurofen) she went to sleep....for 40mins . I think we were crying.

In the end she came into bed with us, it was 5.40am. She went to sleep with no pinky though!!!

Now doing it all over again with a nap :(

Finally got her sleeping, ended up taking her out the cot and rocking her in pram. Still, it's a small step forward as before she would only take my pinky to settle in pram.

Something to do with screaming inconsolably for 20moms prob had something to do with it...

Well done! Keep going on the no finger sucking rule, get that sorted first before you try anything else. Don't worry about needing her to nap in her cot for now. Sleeping without finger sucking = success.

And so, night 3 begins...

I think she's asleep!! 8 mins...