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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go cold turkey?

103 replies

ToonLass · 15/07/2015 20:57

Bit of a strange one....

My DD is almost 9 months and is not a great sleeper at all. For her naps I need to rock her in her pram AND let her suck my pinky. I feed to sleep at night but if she doesn't fall asleep she sucks my pinky. For her numerous night wakenings I usually have to feed her back to sleep (about 4 times) plus an extra couple settings in the early evening using my pinky.

She will NOT take a dummy. Trust me, I've tried every brand.

I'm tired and frustrated. She just screams and screams if I don't feed her or give a pinky.

She's currently teething which is even worse as she grinds her bottom teeth against my pinky. Very sore.

Should o just go cold turkey?? She won't settle with cuddles etched so there would be a lot of crying.

AIBU to withhold the comfort of my pinky when she's obviously teething?

I'm at war with myself Sad

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 16/07/2015 21:36

I think you should crack self settling (I.e no pinky) before addressing the feeding perhaps? Too much change in one go may be difficult for her?

Also, in this heat I would perhaps give her the benefit of the doubt as she may genuinely be thirsty and needing a drink. My DS over the last week had been waking once during the night and I've fed him because I believe he's thirsty with the heat. I have been taking drinks to bed with me because I'm waking up feeling warm and wanting to quench a thirst so I wouldn't want to deny DS something that I myself am requiring.

UpUpAndAway123 · 16/07/2015 21:37

Sorry you had no joy with the book. I think the main thing is that whatever you do, you do it consistently.

When moving her from my bed, I would put her in her cot and put baby monitor music On-i also introduced her to soft comforters in her cot and she now rubs her face with these when going asleep. I would then sit next to cot and ssh her and stay there until she went to sleep. She would shout a bit but not get really upset. I continued to do this every night, moving slightly away from her cot until I now put her down and leave the room.
I think it's worth waiting until she is well and not teething before doing anything. Then why don't you try introduce a comforter? Put it between you when feeding and going asleep so she starts to associate sleep with the comforter. Good luck x

BrockAuLit · 16/07/2015 21:38

I also agree with Selly. Not all humans are born knowing how to sleep to our modern lifestyle (just ask my DH Hmm ). You are teaching her a life lesson that is as vital as teaching her how to feed herself healthily.

CC neednt be cruel. It should be done with kindness and reassurance, but firmness. And once you start it you absolutely must not go back on it: that really would be cruel, unnecessary distress for a lesson which is never learned.

I truly believe CC can be a hugely valuable thing for both the child's and the parent's physical and mental health. Nothing whatsoever to feel guilty about.

Writerwannabe83 · 16/07/2015 21:38

The sleep specialist told me in no way to let DS fall at the breast and when I felt he was doing that then I should unlatch him so he stirs and then put him in his cot to self settle. It was very difficult at first because he had always been fed to sleep but after a few days he remained alert during his feed and then unlatched himself when he'd had enough.

Indole · 16/07/2015 21:40

I would just feed her to sleep if it was me. I did this with DD and she was obsessed, would not go to sleep without milk. One day it just stopped working and she self-settled quite happily. No further feeding to sleep required. This was about 11 or 12 months.

BrockAuLit · 16/07/2015 21:40

Sorry didn't see last post: don't address feeding until this issue is sorted, as you won't know why she's crying. If her belly is full and her nappy clean, you will know the crying is only for the comfort of the pinky.

Writerwannabe83 · 16/07/2015 21:42

As brock said, CC needn't be cruel. The longest DS was ever left alone whilst upset was 8 minutes. The first night was the hardest but it got easier with each night that passed but within 3-4 nights we'd cracked it completely.

Original poster
ToonLass · 16/07/2015 21:42

She has a wee comforter which she likes to hold when I feed her which is a good start, the key is to get her to start using to settle herself!!

I think we are both ready for this. I'm happy to keep feeding her during the night if I think she is genuinely hungry , if I think she's just looking for comfort I'll try and persevere and help her self soothe. Easier said than done!!

Unfortunately where I am there isn't really a problem with heat!! Even for July Confused.

OP posts:
thornrose · 16/07/2015 21:44

OP, so sorry you had to get the "what's a pinky?" (like you don't know!) "why are you saying pinky?" bollocks.

Typical AIBU responses, ignore the real issue and pick up on wording/language!

Original poster
ToonLass · 16/07/2015 21:46

I feel more confident doing it while I'm in the room, this may slow down the process but I think I am more likely to stick at it.

I'm really encouraged so far tonight. I've usually been up to settle her about 3 times by now and I usually end up having to feed her between 10 and 11. We'll see how long she lasts!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ToonLass · 16/07/2015 21:48

Haha thorn, I thought it was quite funny as I just assumed that's what everyone called it!! Learn something new everyday.

I've had a lot of help so far Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
ToonLass · 16/07/2015 21:48

Uh oh that's her awake!

OP posts:
thornrose · 16/07/2015 21:51

Nice one Toon I just thought it was a bit sarky and not nice. Glad you didn't see it that way and that you've had a lot of help.

Original poster
ToonLass · 16/07/2015 21:55

I've decided just to feed her, bit early than normal but I fed her an hour earlier than usual due to change in routine.

Will try put her down awake...

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 16/07/2015 21:58

Good decision to feed - the least upset the better. Good luck with lying her down whilst she's awake, I hope she settles back off quickly.

StupidBloodyKindle · 16/07/2015 21:58

BrewCakeFlowersStar Shamrock

Original poster
ToonLass · 16/07/2015 22:07

I failed :(.

Let her feed for too long and then couldn't rouse her!! Have had her sat upright for 5 mins trying to burp her but her wee head just keeps lolling. Have tried blowing in her face but she just screws it up then goes back to sleep.

Oh well, I'll know next time to unlatch sooner.

OP posts:
BifsWif · 16/07/2015 22:12

Firstly, I wouldn't try and expect too much if she's teething. 3 teeth in a short space of time will definitely be interfering with her sleep.

Secondly, if she's not napping well that will make it harder for her to sleep at night. If you miss the 'sleep window' she'll be overtired and hard to settle.

I would watch her over the next few days and see if you can pick up her sleep cues - eye rubbing, slowing down activity, yawning etc. As soon as you see the cues, upstairs to nap. She should drop off pretty quickly. Once she's sleeping better in the day, she'll sleep better at night. If she's overtired she'll be hard to settle and wake frequently.

Thirdly, I have no advice re pinky. Could you say 'ouch' when she sucks it so she knows it's sore, and you're not just taking it away? Would she maybe take one of the teething rings you put in the freezer instead?

For the time being I would do whatever is needed to settle her and get some sleep, and then decide what your going to do when her teeth aren't bothering her so much. Good luck, I know how hard it is.

Original poster
ToonLass · 16/07/2015 22:19

Trust me bifs, I've tried putting her down for a nap as soon as she shows signs that she's tired -
It always ends up in a screaming match. She has no idea how to self settle - even when given the opportunity.

I encouraged that she managed well tonight when going to sleep. I know her teeth may be causing her to wake up more frequently and will feed her if I have to to help her. I won't give her my pinky though, the skin is red raw and split, saying ouch doesn't help (in fact I think she finds it amusing!!) and she is getting increasingly dependant on it. I've noticed her sucking the label of her comforter tonight so hopefully she'll get the hang of that.

Thanks for your advice, it's nice to know so many people are here to help :)

OP posts:
BifsWif · 16/07/2015 22:27

In that case, lots of wine and repeating the mantra 'this too shall pass' is the only advice I can offer Smile

Writerwannabe83 · 16/07/2015 22:53

Please don't think you've failed. It's your first night at trying something new and it's a learning experience for you. The 'right' answers won't come at once and all you can do is what feels right at the time Flowers

My DS also never slept in the day unless I fed him and then I would be pinned to my bed, with him in my arms, not daring to move because I knew they if he stirred then that was it, nap time would be over. Sometimes he'd sleep for only 25 minutes and other times it would be for 2.5 hours. Everything was just so unpredictable. DS had never napped in his cot until I did the sleep training at 10 months.

I was advised to crack the self settling at bedtime and during the night before attempting it with daytime naps.

Original poster
ToonLass · 17/07/2015 01:25

Ah that's good advice writer.

She usually goes for a nap on her pram (sucking my pinky) and when she stirs after 30 minutes I am usually able to rock her into next sleep cycle. It seems a bit counterproductive though to give her my pinky to settle her during the day but not at night? Will that just confuse her?

DD started crying at 11, I went through and she'd flipped onto her belly so I turned her back over and she went straight back to sleep.

She's just woke up now so I fed her again. She detached herself and got really upset. She then had a burp and a pump and settled down to I put her in her cot. She has turned onto her side (this is how she normally sleeps) and I'm just shhing her just now. Think she's asleep but she keeps twitching so going to stay and make sure!

OP posts:
Original poster
ToonLass · 17/07/2015 08:23

Getting a bit nervous about her nap! What should I do??

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 17/07/2015 09:19

Do not give pinky, you have to see it through. How did you night go?

Original poster
ToonLass · 17/07/2015 09:55

She was up just as often, but managed to get herself to sleep a couple times. Best of all when she woke at 6 I fed her then brought her through to my room and she slept till 7.30 which is more than 12 hours in bed which is good going.

I tried to get her to nap in her cot but after 40 mins have her my pinky as she was screaming with no indication of falling asleep.

I understand I need to see to night times first but not sure how else to get her to nap during the day without giving her my pinky?? I can't take her out 3 times a day when it's pouring Confused.

Now I just feel shit. Pointless crying for 40mins. Hope it doesn't impact settling her tonight Sad

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