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AIBU?

To go cold turkey?

103 replies

ToonLass · 15/07/2015 20:57

Bit of a strange one....

My DD is almost 9 months and is not a great sleeper at all. For her naps I need to rock her in her pram AND let her suck my pinky. I feed to sleep at night but if she doesn't fall asleep she sucks my pinky. For her numerous night wakenings I usually have to feed her back to sleep (about 4 times) plus an extra couple settings in the early evening using my pinky.

She will NOT take a dummy. Trust me, I've tried every brand.

I'm tired and frustrated. She just screams and screams if I don't feed her or give a pinky.

She's currently teething which is even worse as she grinds her bottom teeth against my pinky. Very sore.

Should o just go cold turkey?? She won't settle with cuddles etched so there would be a lot of crying.

AIBU to withhold the comfort of my pinky when she's obviously teething?

I'm at war with myself

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Imnotaslimjim · 15/07/2015 22:58

Could she be suckling on your finger because she's hungry? Does she have anything solid just before bed? I know you said a bottle was out or I would suggest a night time milk. It worked wonders for my DD at a similar age

ToonLass · 15/07/2015 23:00

Haha thanks, need lots of hugs!

That's her settled in her cot and now I'm feeling guilty for not just feeding her to begin with.

Have tried all the tricks with my clothes/expressing milk on toys etc but when she wakes up all she wants is a feed, and for naps/getting to sleep all she wants is a pinky.

She's getting worse and worse the older she's getting, I really can't see the light at the end of the tunnel

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ToonLass · 15/07/2015 23:02

She has 3 meals, a snack and 4/5 bf's a day so don't think she would be hungry. I fed her at 6.45 and she was asleep for 7. She first woke up at 8.30, then again at 9 and that's her just asleep now.

I'll be lucky if she lasts till 1 without waking up again

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Writerwannabe83 · 15/07/2015 23:14

Oh toon - it's soul destroying isn't it

My DS would only feed to sleep and when he eventually fell asleep on me I would sit there with him in my arms for about 30 minutes before I dared transfer him into his cot. The transfer was always successful but I knew that within two hours he'd be up again and nothing would get him back to sleep unless I fed him - and so the cycle went on all night. He would never stay asleep for more than three hours. On occasions when he woke I would tell myself not to give in, not to feed him but absolutely nothing would make him sleep and after an hour or so passed I would lose the battle of wills, I would feed him and he'd be asleep within minutes and like you I thought, 'why didn't I just do that in the first place....'

I was surviving on about 4 hours broken sleep a night and having no rest in the day - I physically and emotionally couldn't cope anymore. It was really affecting DS too as he was always so irritable and tired due to him not sleeping at night and things just spiralled.

One night when DS had been awake between 2-5am I was beside myself with tears out of frustration and exhaustion and I knew I couldn't go on anymore, hence why I did the sleep training.

You have my sympathies because it really is horrible

ToonLass · 16/07/2015 09:20

I really don't know if I can do cc, she goes beyond upset/annoyed.

I'll maybe wait until these teeth come through - she's cut 2 this week and one just about to emerge - so maybe after they are through I will feel happier about going cold turkey with my pinky.

She just still seems so wee, and I have huge guilt issues.

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Writerwannabe83 · 16/07/2015 10:25

The first few times I tried CC it was a nightmare and resulted in me sitting outside the bedroom door, absolutely frantic and crying my eyes out. Needless to say I couldn't see it through.

I need up paying £70 for the advice of a sleep specialist and she was wonderful and spent almost two hours on the phone to me talking about the problems I had with DS and how we had already tried to address it. She then told me there were six methods of sleep training and discussed them all with me and for various reasons I opted for CC. She then discussd CC very specifically to my DS and we came up with a really good plan to follow. With her professional guidance behind me it was a complete success.

Writerwannabe83 · 16/07/2015 10:25

ended up paying for a sleep specialist advice - sorry for the typo

UpUpAndAway123 · 16/07/2015 10:54

Sorry not had chance to read thread. My Dd is also 9 months. Up until about 6 weeks ago, she would not nap and would only sleep and settle with me. Was given a book- the no-cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley. We have used a lot of the recommendations in there and DD is much better.
She now goes in own cot for naps and at bedtime-completely awake with no fuss and goes to sleep. We are still working on the full night (she goes about 6-7 hours in her own cot but then is in with me as in habit of a few night time Bf).
Just thought I would mention as alternative to CC and loads of good tips. Good luck x

ToonLass · 16/07/2015 12:19

Thanks, have got that book,read it and tried to implement some of the suggestions but nothing has seemed to work :(.

Is t maybe easier to do CC when LO is older and you can explain why you are doing it and what is going to happen?

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gubbinsy · 16/07/2015 14:32

We had the finger sucking thing for ages. I had enough one night at bedtime and refused to let him have it. Carried on cuddling and just kept telling him to put his thumb in. He shouted/cried (no actual tears) for about 40 mins on and off then sucked his thumb and fell asleep. That was pretty much it! Think he was about 14/15 months - do quite a bit older. I cut out night feeds around the same time I think (now 20 months and still cuddled to sleep while he sucks his thumb!)

ToonLass · 16/07/2015 16:02

Thanks, have tried sneaking her thumb in but she is ridiculously strong for 9 months and doesn't let me put her hand near her mouth!!

I know I need to stop, and the longer it goes on the worse it will get, but it would be nice to be able to explain WHY I'm not giving her my pinky

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ToonLass · 16/07/2015 17:13

Right I'm going to give it a go when putting her to bed. She's used to being fed to sleep, so I'm going to feed her before bath. Will help with wind too I think.

I'm prepared to feed her during the night, but will try settle her before feeding.

Wish me luck!!

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ToonLass · 16/07/2015 19:03

Put her to bed after her story. She screamed and screamed and screamed. BUT 25 mins later and her eyes are closed and she seems to be sleeping!! Will wait with her a while longer just to make sure.

Now to tackle it when she wakes - that will be a different story!

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Writerwannabe83 · 16/07/2015 19:07

Yay!!! Great start

ToonLass · 16/07/2015 19:09

I honestly thought I would have been there for hours. She literally went from howling to eyes being closed and sleeping. Gobsmacked.

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toomuchtooold · 16/07/2015 19:21

ToonLass let us know how it goes!

hollyisalovelyname · 16/07/2015 19:26

Is she getting too much sleep during the day?
My ds1 didn't sleep well at all til he was 2.5 and at nursery.
My childminder let him sleep too long in the afternoons.
I only figured it out later.
Doh!

ToonLass · 16/07/2015 19:30

No if anything not enough sleep! Today she has 1 x 40min nap, 1 x 30 min nap and 1 x 15min nap. It's usually a lot better than that mind you, but naps are always a battle.

That's the next challenge!

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ToonLass · 16/07/2015 19:40

Well that's her awake already :(

I've sat beside her and am singing - looks like she's dropped back off. Fingers crossed.

Typical - had just made my dinner!

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DJThreeDog · 16/07/2015 20:20

Use a very soft toothbrush to brush her gums gently - it helps the tooth come through.

Other than that I can't really help. I fed by DS3 to sleep until he was about 14 months, but I just used to put him to bed with me and DH.

ToonLass · 16/07/2015 20:36

Thanks DJ - she hates me brushing her teeth (she's a stubborn little madam!) but chews a brush if it has no paste on it. Just waiting on one more tooth to cut and then that will be her with her 8 front teeth - the dentist assures me there's a bit of a gap before the back ones start coming in ????

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selly24 · 16/07/2015 20:36

Please don't feel guilty toonlass, you are teaching you DD a new skill, settling herself to sleep. You care for her and happy to be there in her room supporting her. Humans dislike change - it will be tough but it will be short lived and the impact on your energy levels and your daughters development thanks to solid unbroken sleep will be SO SO worth it!

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ToonLass · 16/07/2015 20:54

Thanks Selly - will need to keep this in mind during the night

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Writerwannabe83 · 16/07/2015 21:29

Echoing Selly.

When I spoke to the Sleep Specialist she spoke quite a bit how lack of sleep in general, but especially not having a good block of sleep, can be detrimental to the baby's development and temperament. I used this as one of the main driving forces in my determination.

Following the success of sleep training my DS was getting 11 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night and also having two substantial naps each day. He was getting on average 3-4 more hours sleep per 24 hours than her previously was which made a huge difference to him.

It also made a huge difference to me as I was no longer exhausted every day and it meant I could enjoy DS far more. It almost meant there was no frustration, anger and tears during the nights and so once those negative feelings had gone I found my relationship with DS strengthened.

ToonLass · 16/07/2015 21:32

Do you think I'm right to still feed her during the night? I can imagine I would get very sore if not as usually feed her 3/4 times.

I might try for, say, 15mins to get her back to sleep and if it looks like she's my going to settle, feed her. Think this has to be a gradual thing.

I'll maybe wake her up slightly when I put her back in the cot though, so she can self settle?

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