To chuck it all in and become a SAHM?

[timeforacheckup]

I currently have 2dc (18mnths and 4.5yrs) and work part time. If dc are ill it is generally me that has to take time off to look after them (due to dh be self employed - very tricky for him to have time off as if not working no pay). We've had a run of sickness recently and so I've had to take quite a bit of time off and work are understandably getting annoyed.
I get so stressed when one of the dc are ill because I hate letting work down. We want to start trying for dc3 soon so it's not going to get any better and I just don't know what to do - I love working and would go mad cooped up at home and also worry that I'd never get back into work but I get so stressed about messing work around and worry what my absence record will be like for future job applications.
We have no other support network and the dc are both currently in nursery. IABU to think it would be best for everyone if I became a SAHM as I can't think of any other solutions.

They had chicken pox, tonsilitis and norovirus all in a row and all from outbreaks at nursery.
Their hygiene and diets are fine, it's just been bad luck.
Today is a new day and I can see things in a new light!!

Clearly the best thing for their family.

On the contrary, I think it is very much not the best thing for the family as a whole that the one person with a permanent job risks it by taking too much unauthorised time off.

Part time hours jobs that fit around school are like hen's teeth. It is crazy to jeopardise that because a man "can't afford" even the slightest deviation from a standard working day, particularly when he works for himself.

There will certainly be times when the nature of his work means he can't be the one to take time off. But I struggle to believe that it's never an option for him.

From the OP's defence of him it sounds like they both believe that his work efforts are heroic, and hers are merely a trifle.

Giving up a part-time job you enjoy to be SAHM to 3 children in a world where your partner is self-employed and third children no longer receive financial support if you fall on hard times seems incredibly short-sighted and foolhardy.

I see your point bathtime. OPs job sounds like a pretty decent gig, it's true that they'd likely be beating potential replacements off with a stick. But it probably does make financial sense in the short term. I think the reality is that the partner with access to paid time off is going to be the one to pick up the slack at least until any reserves of goodwill have been exhausted. Particularly when that person is the higher earner by what must be a pretty long way, based on what OP has said.

You can still have 3rd child, just not now, by the sound of it.

Am going to leave this thread now as starting to get annoyed. I have no desire to justify having a third child - do you think all SAHMs should stick to two just in case their husband gets made redundant or maybe everyone should as no one's jobs are truely secure!! Thank you for your opinions.

Quite a lot of people are now saying anyone without independent wealth might be well advised to stick to two now regardless of their work status, yes. Because of the safety net removal for 3rd children+. There's an active AIBU thread about it. Best of luck with your decision OP.

do you think all SAHMs should stick to two just in case their husband gets made redundant or maybe everyone should as no one's jobs are truely secure!!

I don't think that.

But the people running the country do.

I could've written this post myself 3 months ago, I completely understand where you're coming from.

I've tried for 3 years to make it work...and now I'm on my second week at home after handing my notice in.

I too was struggling, I was missing out on little things the children were doing (3 & 5), they were grumpy, I was grumpy making the household a horrible place to be. I tried everything, I changed hours/days/jobs and nothing seemed to click.

So I'm now a SAHM and at the moment it's lovely. I have more time for my children, more time for my DH and more time for me. I bake, I get time to actually make dinner, to help with homework and all the other little things that matter to me.

If you have the opportunity to do it, then do it you'll fill your days trust me!

Oh ffs.

When you are self employed, taking a day off at very short notice can not only impact on that day's pay but can have impact on the business further down the line if you lose custom or fail to meet deadlines.

I have 3 children and work part time (but every day). Even though I don't think I'm cut out for being a sahm I've contemplated it during a run of sickness as its so stressful having to take time off work. It passes when dc's get better and as I don't ever take sickness myself and often put in unpaid hours my manager is quite sympathetic.

I wouldn't give up my job, wait for the storm to pass, it won't be forever.

If you do look at this thread again op, I'd look at the financials of you not working vs DH taking a couple more days off each month.

Bare in mind the cost to your career and wellbeing, but also that there are savings to be made being a sahm. I'd definitely try to manage until you go on mat leave with dc3

How about changing your hours to 2.5 days per week rather than 5 mornings? The chances of your children being ill on a working day are 50% rather than 100%.

It is hard when there is an earning disparity between both parents. When I took a day unpaid leave to care for ill children it meant that we had to cut back on food or Christmas presents but if dh had a days unpaid we wouldn't have enough to pay the mortgage. We used annual leave, which obviously your husband can't do. I hated the stress, we couldn't afford additional babysitters on top of the childcare and had nobody we could ask to help.

Ours are getting older and it's getting easier now but I couldn't have added a third child to the mix, far too stressful. I can't imagine working full time either not until the youngest is in secondary school anyway.

Can I just throw something in to think about? I'm mid-40s, kids are teenagers/almost teens and I kept working, sometimes full-time, sometimes part-time, in fact setting up my own business which was bloody hard work with tiny children. I would actually have loved to have become a SAHM but we would really have struggled and it was important to me to have financial independence (though we have always pooled our resources as family money). It was a real juggle whenever the kids were sick but I was lucky in that my OH shared the burden equally.
Now that the kids are grown a bit, I find they need me more than ever (unexpected in a way, but seems to be very common). Many of my friends and acquaintances that gave up work 10-15 years ago to be SAHMs are now - because teens are very expensive, cuts in benefits or change in family circumstances etc - trying to get back into the workplace. Some of them had very good careers prior to kids, some not so much. Every one of them is finding it a real struggle to get a decent job. I've had friends bemoaning the fact that they've had to take what they see as more menial and very low-paid jobs - cleaning, shop work, bar work etc - because they've been so long out of the workplace. They're finding this very hard, especially the divorced ones as they really are having to take anything to make ends meet. It's really not easy in this economy.
On the other hand I'm very much enjoying taking a bit of a step back from work, and am able to do this because of the years I've put in. I have built up my career to the point where I'm paid very well for what I do and so can reduce my hours accordingly. I hope that doesn't sound smug and I'm certainly not dissing SAHPs. I wanted to point out that it's not necessarily at the time you make these decisions that has the biggest consequence. It's only really now that I feel I'm reaping the benefits of having continued working even though there were many, many times that I wanted to give it all up.
OP, in the circumstances you've described it doesn't sound like you particularly want to be a SAHM, or that your finances are secure enough to consider a third DC at this point.

I could have written your post 6 months or so ago. (Kids are now 5 and 2.)

I hung on in there with work. I think it is getting slightly better. Or maybe it is just the nice weather makes it feel easier. Ds still isn't sleeping through but we are usually having just one or two wake ups rather than 3 - 4. Dd is getting more and more independent by the day.

Knowing that we have done chicken pox helps too. Nightmare at the time but never again.

One thing that we did with the time off work is make the most of the full 24 hours of the day. So one of us would start work at 7 - when our offices opened. Then the other from lunchtime until late. Dh can work from home too so could work late at night or during nap time. One of us would often work weekends too. Do you have any flexibility in either of your jobs?

However, I must admit we cope because we have decided to stop at 2. I occasionally mutter to myself when it gets tough "this is the hardest bit - will get better soon". We may have made different decisions if we had wanted a third.