Parking wars!

[YNK]

I live in a Victorian Terrace and myself and my daughter have cars which we park in the road in front. It takes up slightly more space than my housefront but both neighbours on either side of me are more than happy with it.

A neighbour further down the block parks in front of our cars with a white van outside an elderly disabled couples house.
On friday night I parked up close to my daughter so he had plenty of room to get in (busy road) but after she left for a short weekend break he parked so close to me it was a major feat getting out and, in particular, back in. He had plenty of room behind him so I was a bit annoyed.

I have very poor mobility so I had no choice but to hold up the traffic in order to manouver which led to me being intimidated by other drivers horns blaring at me. It was very close to me not being able to get out at all and being trapped in the house.

On Sunday I left a note on his windscreen explaining my difficulty and asking him to please leave me enough room.

He came to see me last night and told me that his landlord owns and shares the house he lives in and he has been told not to park in front of his own home because it obstructs his landlords view. His landlord has an even bigger van which he very occasionally parks in front of his own house though.

He asked if one of us could park up the block so he can park in front of my house to keep his landlord happy. Obviously I can't without needing a wheelchair and my daughter has a young child and does all our shopping so I said this was a bit of a daft idea. He went away but left his address in case I ever need to ask him to move. Thinking about it later I realised this would only be the case if both big vans parked there but that has never happened before so I put it out of mind.

Today the landlords van is outside his neighbours. Together the two vans will take up 3 housefronts and leave things tight for us again and I'm worried the landlord intends to make an issue of it.

He often blocks the lane behind the house so we just drive around the block if this happens, however my daughter was unloading stuff one day and he was very rude to her and demanded she move immediately to let him pass. His ex wife left him because of DV so I'm a bit wary of him.

I think they are BU.
I think the landlord and his tenant need to come to a better understanding that doesn't involve me but what will I do if it turns nasty?

Your neighbour has been there 10 years, his tenant 2-3 years and this has been the first instance of a parking problem? Is that right?

Hopefully then it will be a one-off (or at least, a rare occurrence) and you won't need to have the disabled space, if you really don't want one.

In the meantime, try not to worry that it will become a regular thing and contact the tenant if/when you need him to move his van. Perhaps he might be amenable to a suggestion that he parks further down the road.

In reality, the fact that you are disabled actually has very little to do with it. You should have, and are allowed to have special treatment for this because of the difficulties you have: a disabled parking bay. It's not remotely attention seeking or toady or entitled or whatever: simple case of x begets y.

It's all the rest of your post that's so incomprehensible. What does it matter that you have lived here for 25 years and your neighbour for 10? What does that change?

What does it matter that your daughter has a 5yo son and does the shopping?

Why do you need to accuse people of not having read your posts and divined what you meant by them, when you simply (and evidently) haven't been clear enough in your thinking and writing?

None of my frustration is in any way connected to your disability, and to suggest that it does is frankly rude and offensive.

Aye, I suppose you are entirely entitled to your opinion. Most of that info was in response to questions asked.
If you don't get where I'm coming from by now further clarification won't help.
The tenant is parked opposite tonight which is about the same distance from his house as where he was and the big van is parked reasonably close but I've left enough room behind me so I can get out (thanks to whoever suggested that) so with a bit of luck it wont come to anything more.

The sad truth is though, that your neighbour could own a 5 acre car park next to his front door, have moved in last week after a 10 yr prison sentence for domestic violence and your daughter could have newborn quads and he still wnbu to park near your house. Most of us would be reasonably considerate in leaving a space for anyone with mobility issues outside their home, but unless you get a disabled space, he can park where he likes. i also find it questionable you don't know him or other neighbours well, and don't see his partner, but you are knowledgeable about his history of domestic violence. You are also coming across as either someone with a victim complex with your assumption anyone here has treated you differently because of your disability, or what sounds more likely are hinging on the paranoid. In the most genuine and polite way ( not a smart arsed insult) you need to speak to someone.

And I accepted that in my second or third post but folk wouldn't have it (still dont) and needed to know more.
I'm sorry that responding to questions has succeeded in digging a deeper hole.
I wont allow myself to be led there again, that's for sure.

I dont understand, posting this after reading a third or so of the thread.

He has asked you and your DD, despite knowing your issues, to park up the road so he doesnt have to?

Why cant he park up there?

If I've got this right, then I don't think YABU OP.

So you parked close to your daughters car, who was away, to give van man enough room to easily park.
He then parks really close to the back of your car, even though he has room behind him, making manouvering your car out difficult.
You leave a note asking him to please give you more room next time.
He comes to your house and basically asks you and your daughter to park much further up the road, purely so he can park in front of your house.

So he wants a disabled women and her carer, who has a young child, to park miles away, so he can park in front of your house because his landlord doesn't want him parking out the front of their house? He may legally have the right to park where he wants, but surely any reasonable person would just park their car up the road, and leave the spaces outside your house free for you?

I'm sorry you are feeling intimidated in your own home.

TheUnexpectedMorrisDancer

Thats my understanding of it too, which is why I dont understand why the OP has had such a pasting! The van driver is BU.

Yes, legally he can park wherever he likes, but equally so can the OP! If she has a space outside her house she can park there and shouldnt have to park a distance away so van man can park closer to the house his landlord wont allow him to park outside of, on the off chance he might want to!

And yes, his history of violence against women is relevant too. Presumably this will have been reported in local papers, as happens here. I wouldnt want to piss off a man who has served 10 years for (what must have been a serious) assault against a former partner and who has intimidated my DD.

As a long time MNer I am well aware of how AIBU can be, but even taking into account the baa baa of the sheep mentality that happens on this board, I am still shocked at the way the OP has been treated. I dont blame her for not coming back.

As a long time MNer I am well aware of how AIBU can be, but even taking into account the baa baa of the sheep mentality that happens on this board, I am still shocked at the way the OP has been treated. I dont blame her for not coming back.

Totally agree. This makes very unpleasant reading. An anxious disabled woman posts for some support and advice and is intimidated further by aggressive questioning and has doubts thrown on her honesty.

OP, please reconsider asking for a disabled space so that you know you cannot be trapped in your home.

Sorry I don't agree the op has taken a pasting.

For my own posts...the Op said herself she may be being paranoid and said she was frightened and she would loose everything. I suggested that if she is frightened over one parking instance maybe she needs more support. She then came back and said I had called here mentally ill. And that it was just a niggle. Then says she is scared because of history of dv and that her ds has been intimidated. Which is a huge drip feed. I actually suggested she spoke to her go, to be helpful as she said she was frightened.

Her first few posts did not indicate the neighbour was aggressive etc. I take exception to being told I a jumping on a disabled woman.

The man came round was not intimidating but the OP thinks he was measuring up to make sure he blocked her in. When his behaviour does not indicate that.

Of course everyone should park courteously and it sounds like the neighbour is stuck because the landlord is being a dick. It's all well and good saying the landlord can't dictate this. He could however not renew the guys contract which could cause difficulties.

People shouldn't be beeping and shouting abuse at someone trying to get out of a difficult parking spot. But some people are dicks. It shouldn't be that way but I have no advice on how to stop people being dicks.

I am very sorry the OP has recieved abuse based on her disability. That's unacceptable and awful. However it does not mean that anyone who doesn't agree is disagreeing because she is disabled.

From my point of view the disabled parking spot is a good option because it means she does not have to confront the neighbour or his landlord over parking again. There is a space for her and she has access to her house and doesn't have to worry about any confrontation. Yes her dd may have to park further away. But there is no provision for street parking for people with children.

P.s. OP it was kintsugi calling you goady, I don't know why you've jumped all over me...

Persecution complex...

Actually, Lurked said basically everything already, but more eloquently than I can be bothered to. Sort it or don't, but I'm afraid you've been a lot more reactive to posters than anyone has been to you.

Actually I will freely admit is misread the original post
I didnt notice your daughter wasnt in,

but your neighbour wouldnt have known this either, or that you didnt have keys to both cars, which tbh I would have expected.

so although it wasnt goady - it would have seemed it - sadly

Getting a disabled bay isn't a quick or easy process. First there is often extensive criteria to fulfill, then if approved a waiting list. It took two years to be mine. Days later it was taken by someone else. (Yes, legally, but still gutting when I thought I'd have my access to the world back after more than two years.) I say this not to upset the OP, but for everyone saying just get one like it will be there within weeks is unlikely. Even at best it has to go in the paper and have a sign up in case of objections.

I think the OP has had a very hard time here. She didn't ask he move anywhere, was rude, just asked him to leave her a bit more space to get out.

Of course their history comes into it, and their behaviour with her. They aren't two equals politely asking her out - they're two married men, one with a violent past cornering her and making her uncomfortable. It does come into this situation as their behaviour will colour your view against them and make you feel wary.

glitter i don't think anyone believes op will get a bb space within a week or two of asking, its just a bit of possibly helpful advice rather than saying difficult but nothing to be done. And with regards to the other details being irrelevant, they are to a large extent, because if ( as I get the impression op does) your neighbour has noticeable mobility problems, you either have the basic decency to allow them to park as close as possible, or you don't, and discussing the whys/ wherefores won't change it. And bringing up that an able bodied adult with one 5 yr old needing to park close too, takes away from ops very valid need for close parking by sounding like an entitlement that will just gets people's backs up. Personally no matter whether op was massively entitled about her daughter, I'd still leave her space to park, but it's not constructive to let op think that everyone will take it that way.
Likewise op coming across as slightly paranoid, I might see it that way and be understanding enough to think maybe she has valid reasons, other people in real life may think ffs, thinks the worlds out to get her, never happy anyway so why inconvenience myself trying. So again it's not constructive to op to not make her aware of that. I know I only speak for myself, but I got the impression that other posters were coming from that angle as well.
And in fairness if the comments about posters treating her different because of her disability were aimed at me, I'd have no doubt been highly offended too which would come across in my reply.