Parking wars!

[YNK]

I live in a Victorian Terrace and myself and my daughter have cars which we park in the road in front. It takes up slightly more space than my housefront but both neighbours on either side of me are more than happy with it.

A neighbour further down the block parks in front of our cars with a white van outside an elderly disabled couples house.
On friday night I parked up close to my daughter so he had plenty of room to get in (busy road) but after she left for a short weekend break he parked so close to me it was a major feat getting out and, in particular, back in. He had plenty of room behind him so I was a bit annoyed.

I have very poor mobility so I had no choice but to hold up the traffic in order to manouver which led to me being intimidated by other drivers horns blaring at me. It was very close to me not being able to get out at all and being trapped in the house.

On Sunday I left a note on his windscreen explaining my difficulty and asking him to please leave me enough room.

He came to see me last night and told me that his landlord owns and shares the house he lives in and he has been told not to park in front of his own home because it obstructs his landlords view. His landlord has an even bigger van which he very occasionally parks in front of his own house though.

He asked if one of us could park up the block so he can park in front of my house to keep his landlord happy. Obviously I can't without needing a wheelchair and my daughter has a young child and does all our shopping so I said this was a bit of a daft idea. He went away but left his address in case I ever need to ask him to move. Thinking about it later I realised this would only be the case if both big vans parked there but that has never happened before so I put it out of mind.

Today the landlords van is outside his neighbours. Together the two vans will take up 3 housefronts and leave things tight for us again and I'm worried the landlord intends to make an issue of it.

He often blocks the lane behind the house so we just drive around the block if this happens, however my daughter was unloading stuff one day and he was very rude to her and demanded she move immediately to let him pass. His ex wife left him because of DV so I'm a bit wary of him.

I think they are BU.
I think the landlord and his tenant need to come to a better understanding that doesn't involve me but what will I do if it turns nasty?

Maybe speak to their organ grinders partners, if they're less intimidating?

Op, are they trying to intimidate you?

Blocking you in, even though there's plenty of space; arranging things so you have to ask them to let you out; asking you, and only you, to put up a notice about dogs... That, with the history of the LL's domestic violence, makes me wonder if he's on the hunt for another victim.

OP I feel awful that you are frightened that your access to the outside world maybe cut off. Therefore the best thing to ensure that it isn't is to apply for a disabled bay. That way you won't feel frightened and you can park as close to your house as the bay is.

Your neighbour actually sounds accommodating. However somewhere in the internet there is another thread which says "my landlord asked me to move my van, so I parked outside a neighbours house, but she's disabled and her daughter has a baby. AIBU?"

Their partners have never been seen although the landlord told me all about his partner who he met on a holiday to S America, but I think he imagines I know his ex more than I do and intended the story to get back to her.

My daughter thinks she might have answered the door when she took a parcel up, but she's not convinced it was the right house. (It's a very private street, I only really know my immediate neighbours and some on the next block)

Where is that thread littlecaf. Have you got a link?
My grandson has just turned 5 actually.
Thanks to you and tanith for not attacking me, I've hit an alltime low with this thread I'm afraid.

hopeit gets sorted, vans are a pain

I do thank them for that Toughasoldboots. Peoples time is precious, I know...... but being called paranoid, goady and selfish and having to defend myself over and over to people who have read posts wrong........it feels like people are reading things into this that are just not true about me.

My instinct is tingling that all is not well but up until the last few posts I have been told in no uncertain terms that IABU.
Having been put in my place I have said I will just suck it up and go with the consensus.

Oh, I'm also a bad driver and shouldn't be on the roads, plus I am acting difficult.
I am listening to everyone's opinions, you see.

TBH YABU its a simple solution that many posters have pointed out but you are not really willing to do - get a disabled bay that will ensure you can park infront of your house and have the access you need. You might not want to let the world know about your disability but if you want the assurance of a space outside your house that is how you will get it.

One of my neighbours had a disabled bay created so they can park outside their house. Its not a big deal.

As many have said its a public road and therefore anyone can park anywhere and whilst you might want to hark back to a day where everyone was polite and friendly and would take everyone's parking needs into consideration no-one is obliged to.

The quickest way to resolve this is to get a disabled bay and accept your daughter may not always get to park outside the house and get on with life. There is no need to have conversations with your neighbours and therefore no-one will need to feel intimidated.

OP, I was not insinuating you are goady, I was simply offering another point of view & trying to suggest a potential solution of two, after I had read your OP and the entire thread before replying...
You stated you wanted the landlord and tenant to come to a better understanding, but how could they possibly understand your situation if they're not aware. I wasn't to know that you're initimidated by them until you had said.
I'm a bit lost as to what you want here - people have made suggestions and you've poo-poohed them.
You can't expect the tenant, his landlord, or any of us to be mind readers, so don't take all comments to heart when they're out of context, because the full story isn't there.

CakeLady1
Is it just me reading this thinking -
why did you ask him to move in the first place?
why did you not ask your daughter who was - from your own admission - parked on the other side of you - its just...goady !

I think that equates to calling me goady when put together with the fact you clearly haven't followed my posts and have got the information wrong!

Littlemiss Sunshine - I said early on the reason I don't want a bay is that disability attracts a lot of negative attention and I feel vulnerable, but then I immediately conceded it is my only option if I am to be sure of leaving the house.
I have also accepted other suggestions gladly - a phone number would be better in fact since I couldn't get up the steps to their door anyway either on crutches or a chair.

I have been told repeatedly that I am over reacting but it's only my access to the world that's at stake!
Sheesh, and people wonder why I don't go around shouting about disability or acting in an entitled way because of it!
I could tell you stories about the shit disabled people take on a daily basis but it would only invite more of the same!

Once again thanks to some helpful mumsnetters who took the time to read my posts properly and gave support.

No-one is speaking to you in such a way because of your disability to be frank OP or giving you shit because of your disability but clearly you are set in the way you think. You believe disability attracts negative attention but it doesn't it means you don't have to talk to your neighbours who you intimidated by regarding your parking requirements if you had a bay.

As I said a neighbour on our street has a disabled bay and it hasn't attracted any negative attention whatsoever, infact people now know they cannot park in that space and respect that space more since it is clearly designated for a specific reason rather than a free for all.

It is your perception that we are giving you 'shit' or however you wish to term it because of your disability when that isn't the case.

My first husband had a disabled bay, the only attention it brought was that people gave us a bit more space. You seem very defensive and quick to react if people don't get things 100% right straight away.

I always found that people were more helpful when they knew our situation.

Have you read the thread at all?

Are you asking me? I've read every word.

How many times have people got the story wrong and in doing so manufactured an opportunity to tell me I'm being unreasonable?
Pretty continuous throughout the thread, I'm sure you will agree?
But of course I'm being defensive and quick to react.

Ok,
as I have repeatedly said, I take on board the consensus is that IABU and my neighbours are not and I will take it on the chin.

well to be fair OP you did post in the AIBU forum so its fair that people will say whether you are or aren't perhaps the 'Chat' forum would of been better if you didn't want to be people to tell you that you are being unreasonable.

Why are you insisting that people haven't read your posts? Everyone seems to wanting to help or offer advice in one way or another.
Why do people post in AIBU then take super offence when people tell them they might be being a bit unreasonable. I really don't see why anyone chatting your daughter up has anything to do with it either, frankly.

I don't understand why you feel so stigmatised by getting a marked disabled bay either.

I agree, the only option is a disabled bay but... I think it has been mentioned somewhere upthread...

AIBU?
Maybe a little...
No I'm NOT! Have you read the thread?!?!
Yes, however I think you are BU as you could try xyz
So now you are bullying me because I am disabled??!!!

Sheesh.

I have read the thread.

OP, why don't you leave it for a while and see what happens. You might find its not a problem. The neighbour has been reasonable so far - hopefully it might be that you are worrying for nothing.

If you had a clearly-defined disabled bay outside your house then it would solve your parking problem. Your neighbour couldn't then park in that space, and you would be easily able to access your vehicle.

Maybe AIBU is not the correct place for this particular enquiry?

Since I have been questioned by several people, I will take it there is a genuine desire for people to understand so I will do my best.

I know several disabled people who have had their cars vandalised and who have had their houses egged including my brother who is paraplegic. I had a run of it too a while ago. No one elses car, only mine, set on fire once and covered in paint remover a few months later. I had a supermarket trolley rammed into the back of my legs on Sunday and told to 'fucking move' (yeah, that will do it ).

It's not a great time for disabled people politically. I was told recently that I am lazy and a scrounger. This was from someone who knows i have worked full time all my life and claim no benefits. That particular list goes on and on.
I don't react at all in a f-f situation because I have heard all the resentments before and I'm pretty defenseless if things turn nasty so normally I refuse to take the bait.
My mobility and continence took a big hit last October when I was attacked at work although I was disabled already.

So, as an older single woman, feeling intimidated by 2 blokes living closeby, I thought I might get a bit of reassurance rather than people making up some other story than this one, substituting me for someone goady, selfish, paranoid etc etc.
One of these blokes has form for violence against women, both of them have partners who have never been seen, the one with form intimidated my daughter at the back of the house when it was dark, she herself has been a bit worried by them commenting on her appearance and coming onto her.
I could not for the life of me see why the tenant had jammed me in and why would he be insisting I will have to go to them if it happens again. It feels like they are making the point that they could make life impossible for me if they felt like it and there's nothing I can do. I'm worried they will see me getting a disabled bay as a slight against them and fuel the fire.

On reflection, I realise that they work through the week so I will not be totally unable to leave my home and since I'm on the sick I can get out then. This has made me feel a lot better.
It's important to me because I'm in severe pain and can only manage 20 minutes of walking on tarmac (pavements are too uneven) or the supermarket with crutches if I push myself to the limit. I need the car to be able to do this (my doctors have said I'm fit to drive). It might not help my mobility but it will greatly help my pelvic organs which are also partially paralysed. I want to do all I can to improve my health.

Yet again, I have thanked those with advice and I will take it on board so please don't keep on saying I haven't - it's not true!

AIBU has been a revelation to me, having spent a lot of time on relationships helping vulnerable women to listen to their instincts and to stay safe. Then again I have never mentioned my disability before and only did so here because it's directly relevant.

HTH.
Please do not ask me for more information, I have been totally open and probably more candid than I would like but it seems there is a big demand here for me to justify myself.