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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel so sad for my DS?

93 replies

toddlersareeasier · 13/07/2015 19:03

He's 20 and at uni, studying maths. He's doing really well, and works part time as a waiter.

He came in today and just looked fed up. He was standing at the bus stop in the rain and one of the twats who bullied him at school for studying drove past in an Audi. He said he felt like shit.

So much bloody easier when they were toddlers.

OP posts:

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/07/2015 00:31

I feel his pain.

I try not to let it grind my gears that the girls at school who made mine (and plenty of others) life miserable still quite literally seem to have it all. It did my head in at 20 but at 26 I've learnt that comparing myself to others, especailly people I don't like, is the thief of happiness.

chaiselounger · 14/07/2015 01:11

Maybe just seeing the bully again bought back horrible thoughts from before. Hopefully he can dismiss these very quickly and not give this bully another second of his thoughts.

manicinsomniac · 14/07/2015 01:34

Unfortunately, education isn't a guaranteed route to success and it certainly isn't a fast one.

In a few years time your son may be far more successful than these boys. But, on the other hand, he may not. Not all high paying jobs require a degree and degrees don't always lead to good jobs - or any jobs at all.

You need to teach your son to be secure in who he is - a decent, hard working person who knows how to be a good man.

These bullies may also have grown up to be good men. Or they may still be wankers. But the kind of people they are, and the things that they have, shouldn't be sources of envy, upset or even consideration from your son. He has moved on from them and should just forget about them.

Yarp · 14/07/2015 06:19

Pumpkin

That's what I thought

WankerDeAsalWipe · 14/07/2015 09:07

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos Nope, nothing that commercial, and we aren't in England and they are still teenagers, but this boy has captained his youth team for another sport and travelled abroad as the captain of the country. He's received sports awards, features in the press etc. DS is oblivious really as he doesn't really engage in news/social media. I've encouraged him to take the moral high ground but I can't let it go. Part of me hopes that all this attention is maybe sorting him out to be a better person and the other half of me just wants to run him over every time I see him (cocky shite that he is). I don't say anything to DS about him, we just pretend he doesn't exist as we have no need to talk about him.

It just doesn't seem fair that he gets all that success and support while I am left running DSs in the car to and from school as we couldn't send him to the local one as he was going there and DS would have been made a target. DS still has anxiety issues and doesn't participate in sport at all anymore since this guy (amongst other more serious bullying) knocked his confidence to the point where he wont touch a ball.

Anyway back to the OP :)

Athenaviolet · 14/07/2015 09:13

If your DS is that materialistic he's never goog to be happy in life.

Everythinghaschanged · 14/07/2015 09:21

I honestly can't see anything sad about this situation.

What, a bully drives an Audi and your son is at uni. So what? You can't compare. It's daft.

Is an Audi a status symbol? I think a university education carries far more status.

I would encourage my son to think, tosser, and move on. And the lad is a tosser because he was a bully not because he was in a flash car.

ImperialBlether · 14/07/2015 09:25

Sorry, HormonalHooker, I didn't mean anything against your son! It's just that generally someone who's a bully in an ordinary school isn't going to earn the money in a legitimate way to buy themself something so expensive at such a young age.

ImperialBlether · 14/07/2015 09:26

The OP said he bullied her son about studying so I assumed he wasn't studying himself.

Handsoffmysweets · 14/07/2015 09:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

muminhants1 · 14/07/2015 10:45

Do people really define themselves by what car they do or don't drive? It's honestly not important.

yes they do but I agree with you

I do think a fancy car is a poor investment, unless you're in a job where having an impressive car is a career boost. I think a maths degree is probably a better investment for most people.

I agree with this too, but people have a thing about cars.

Damnautocorrect · 14/07/2015 10:59

I have no doubt in 15 years time your son will be in a better place than Mr Audi.
When I look now the ones who knuckled down have a much better more stable life than the ones that fell into it younger. They are still all hanging round together not achieving much, going to the same places. Friendships based on stuff and competition not mutual respect and actually liking each other.

It's hard to feel comfortable in your own skin, it will happen for him.
Meanwhile Mr Audi is clearly a loser whose still 15.

scarlets · 14/07/2015 11:13

I wasn't bullied at school, but a girl who tried to exclude me from my social group is twice divorced, lives in a shabby little house in a rough part of town, and looks chubby and tired in her FB profile pic. Result.

Seriously - most students have to take the bus. Stephen Hawking and Mary Beard probably took buses as students. Young academy sportspeople catch the bus to training (I've read a few sports stars' autobiographies). Nothing to worry about. Nothing wrong with buses anyway.

WankerDeAsalWipe · 14/07/2015 11:23

I don't think its the bus that was so much of the issue - I think it was just the OPs son had had a bad day, was stuck in the peeing rain waiting for the bus only to be confronted by his former tormentor and bully seemingly living the high life. He doesn't know whether that was his car or whatever or if former bully has turned the corner and is now a decent bloke etc. He was just standing in the rain feeling sorry for himself and got a reminder of bad times in the past. It's sad for all sorts of reasons, but mainly for me it was because it brought back bad memories for him and made OPs son feel inadequate and bad about himself again. He probably hasn't given a lot of thought to the bully since leaving school but it just got to him.

I'm not saying that all audi or bmw driving young people are all twats or criminals or are going to have a rubbish future because that simply wont be true.

geekymommy · 14/07/2015 14:06

I think a status car is a particularly poor investment for a relatively new driver. A nicer car might make sense if it has safety features that lower-end models don't, or if it's more reliable, sure.

Spartans · 14/07/2015 14:29

He probably hasn't given a lot of thought to the bully since leaving school but it just got to him.

The OP said this 'wasn't the situation her son wanted to see him in again.' He wants to see the bully again, but when his hard work as paid off and he is in better position than his bully. Which may never happen. But he has given it some thought.

Apatite1 · 14/07/2015 14:30

Ah he's only 20 folks. Things like a fancy car mean more at his age. The bully may be doing drugs or doing legitimately well, we simply don't know.

Sometimes life is just unfair and turds float to the top. Best to learn this lesson early on in life. Your DS is allowed to feel a bit shit about it though. If it's any consolation, we have several luxury cars but I still take the bus all the time in my 30s!

NataliaBaker · 14/07/2015 14:35

This bashing the guy with the car as a loser whose wasting his daddy's money etc etc etc doesn't make it true. It's a harsh lesson in life but sometimes those people who are shitty to us do better than us or earn more than us or have something we envy. It's just life.

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