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AIBU?

to feel so sad for my DS?

93 replies

toddlersareeasier · 13/07/2015 19:03

He's 20 and at uni, studying maths. He's doing really well, and works part time as a waiter.

He came in today and just looked fed up. He was standing at the bus stop in the rain and one of the twats who bullied him at school for studying drove past in an Audi. He said he felt like shit.

So much bloody easier when they were toddlers.

OP posts:

Report

Ilovecrapcrafts · 13/07/2015 21:09

Studying will be worth of but your son won't see the rewards for his hard work for a very long time. He's just got to be patient.

I think when you're young and living with parents you don't need much money. A decent wage can look like a huge amount with no bills to pay. If the bully is in sales or something he could be doing well at his young age- but that's no indication of what will happen when he's 24, 30 etc. I can see why your son would be a bit despondent but tbh am
Struggling a little to understand why you feel bad for him. You must realise all this, being much older than him?

basicbitch · 13/07/2015 21:12

He's only 20! It's not over yet! Fuck em anyway, tell him to focus on what he's doing and take no notice of what some random idiots are up to. Having a degree in Mathematics will hold him in VERY good stead for the future. And I mean besides all that- so what if someone's driving an Audi? Really, who cares? Do people really define themselves by what car they do or don't drive? It's honestly not important.

Spartans · 13/07/2015 21:12

Op you need to help your son move past this.

Hoping you bump into the person that bullied you so you can show them you are success is unlikely to happen (they could be a success themseleves or you may never see them again) and isn't healthy.

He is hurt because this boy appears to be doing well and he isn't at the moment. But he is hoping to inflict those feelings back onto the bully.

Dd was horrendously bullied. I get how devastating it is and I am sorry you son has gone through this. But he needs to love his life for him. Not so he can prove his bullies wrong

junebirthdaygirl · 13/07/2015 21:12

Going to university is far more fun. My dss wouldn't have missed it for the world. Think of all the new friends the memories the late nights the networking that stands to you for life. He will be working long enough these are his glory days. He shouldn't feel inferior but proud and glad.

basicbitch · 13/07/2015 21:15

And actually I should add- it sounds like your son is ALREADY doing extremely well- studying a highly prized subject at Uni, supporting himself with a part time job- he has no reason to feel downcast about his lot and his achievements at all.

AnulTheMagnificent · 13/07/2015 22:08

Car salesmen get to drive the cars, maybe that was the only job he could get, a kind of errand boy paid on commission only.

LaurieMarlow · 13/07/2015 22:15

Why would you feel sad for him? He's setting himself up for a great future.

That's infinitely more important than some wanker's shiny toy. And you should be reinforcing that for him.

I never get the fuss about cars. Ugly lumps of metal that cost a fortune to run and depreciate like nobody's business. Idiotic to set any store by them.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 13/07/2015 22:20

Footballer, Wanker?

KERALA1 · 13/07/2015 22:21

As a trainee I had to drive my bosses car around on errands not sure what it was but was sports car and very expensive. None of the lads deemed responsible enough im a very careful driver. Personally I was on £8k and didn't even run a car!

TheHormonalHooker · 13/07/2015 22:32

Some of the posts on this thread have annoyed me, tbh.

DS1 is 20, worked hard at school, took his A levels and decided to follow his heart, not go to uni but to join the army because it is something he has always wanted to do. He has saved hard, isn't interested in going out drinking, he'd much rather be down the gym. He drives a 07 plate 2 litre BMW 318. His insurance is just over £800 because he has been driving since he was 17.

He has a friend who drives an Audi, he's not a twat. He works full time, didn't go to uni, left school at 17. He bought a banger to start off with and then saved up. It's not that hard when you live at home.

Different people have different priorities. DS2 is going to uni in Sept. He knows that he's going to be stuck with his Renault Clio for a few years yet.

It's shit that the OP's son was bullied at school but his time will come to have nice things.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 13/07/2015 22:33

Envy is the thief of joy, always. To be 20 and at University and studying such a worthwhile degree is brilliant. Your DS needs to learn to focus on his own positives.

By the way, we have given our DS1 our 12 year old BMW. It shines up nicely and he loves it. It costs us just over £1000 to insure for him while at Uni, so reasonably doable for a young man earning a decent wage and living at home. No drug dealing required.

Pumpkinpositive · 13/07/2015 22:45

I wouldn't know what an Audi was if a former bully drove past in a diamond encrusted one.

Car ignorance is bliss.

ImperialBlether · 13/07/2015 22:50

Unless this young man is a professional sportsman, I'd say he was dealing drugs or similar. I can't think of another way that a 20 year old could afford an Audi.

Your son is being a bit daft, though. As a Maths graduate he'll be really sought after for jobs. He'll do well, earn good money and pretty soon he won't be at the bus stop and also pretty soon the other guy won't be in the Audi.

Tell him to look up "deferred and immediate gratification" - it'll open his eyes.

travellinglighter · 13/07/2015 22:58

I started an apprenticeship on below minimum wage only to bump into a school bully who laughed like a drain when I told him what I was earning. 30 years later I’m on 3 times his annual wage and he’s still doing unskilled factory work.

Pumpkinpositive · 13/07/2015 23:03

Unless this young man is a professional sportsman, I'd say he was dealing drugs or similar. I can't think of another way that a 20 year old could afford an Audi.

Maybe his parents gave it to him?

Maybe he inherited some money?

Maybe he had a win on the gee gees?

Maybe he borrowed a friend's?

LizardBreath · 13/07/2015 23:04

What a horrid judgmental post. Your son needs to make his own path in life you can't be concerned by what others do or don't own. If someone has done well, or equally chosen to pay a lot for an expensive car it's THEIR Choice. Presumably this lad earns full time whilst your son does not? In a few years time your son will have a full time job and he can spend his money as he chooses (as the other lad has).

geekymommy · 13/07/2015 23:05

I thought they put logos on BMWs to warn the rest of us that this vehicle is driven by a jerk. I seem to remember reading here that Audis are getting the same reputation.

LizardBreath · 13/07/2015 23:13

Do you really think that jerk (and I don't own either of those brands) I just can't believe how jealous people are? Crazy!

TheHormonalHooker · 13/07/2015 23:13

Unless this young man is a professional sportsman, I'd say he was dealing drugs or similar. I can't think of another way that a 20 year old could afford an Audi.

Oh FFS, Imperial what a nasty judgemental thing to say. DS1 is a soldier, he can afford an Audi but he choses to drive a BMW. He has never been anywhere near any drugs. His mate drives an Audi. He's employed by a local company not a drug dealer.

LizardBreath · 13/07/2015 23:13

Oops sorry geek

Luckyfellow · 13/07/2015 23:14

I don't understand why you are sad for your son. Is it because he doesn't have an Audi and someone he considers himself to be better than does? Success in life cannot be measured in fancy cars or money. It is ungracious to wish others misfortune anyway. There is no reason (in your OP) for you to be sad for your son.

Pumpkinpositive · 13/07/2015 23:23

You just begin to wonder when working hard actually pays off!

Er, not when you're 20, mid way through a degree, and working part-time in a min wage job.

Is that not pretty obvious?

He spent so long being told that it would all be worth it, and to ignore people who laughed at him for working hard.... and yet he's stuck on smelly wet buses and the twats have top of the range cars.

Seriously, this is mad talk. He's twenty, he hasn't been alive long enough to spend "so long" doing anything.

He's in full time education, and working part time as a waiter on the side. Of course he hasn't got money to piss up the wall!

From the way you talk, anyone would think your son was pushing 60, working 14 hour a day shifts down a coal mine for 40 years, and still saving up for a deposit on a rented bedsit somewhere.

Slutbucket · 13/07/2015 23:40

We were owners of an Audi. I thought it was shit!

geekymommy · 14/07/2015 00:20

Though I've had some unpleasant run-ins with BMW drivers, I don't think they're all jerks. I do think a fancy car is a poor investment, unless you're in a job where having an impressive car is a career boost. I think a maths degree is probably a better investment for most people.

geekymommy · 14/07/2015 00:21

I think someone with a history of being a bully has a higher probability than most people of being a jerk driver, too.

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